I don't want to give up, but....

[whatwasithinkinglol]

I graduated almost a year ago. I worked for 4 months in home health for a horrid racist mean woman who threatened to throw things at me. She'd call me all hours of the day and night, told me she loved me then would cuss me out. I'm proud of the 4 months I stuck it out!

I finally was able to get a job at the facility where we did clinicals. There was a rehab side and a LTC. I did fine on the Rehab side 11-7a. Couple of learning experiences, but I finished on time and my patients were pretty happy. Things changed dramatically once they started calling me in for LTC I would often not finish, even after starting last rounds earlier and earlier. This is how my last night went....

First rounds were uneventful, routine care. Was doing so well that I took an early lunch at 2am and even brought back a burger for my bell happy patient at the end of the hall. Cut it up for him and watched Texas Chainsaw for a few minutes. Finished charting by 3am and started my last round. 15 patients, 12 incontinent and 10 of them total care. 5 of them were to be bathed and dressed! I knew it was going to get hectic, so I made sure to help other girls throughout the night, so I thought I'd have it made! Guess what.... they were too busy .

When it came time for assistance, I got help twice all through the last round. By the time I left at 8:30, I'd spent the last two hours crying, sweating and struggling to provide adequate care for these people.

The straw that broke the camels back was when day shift arrived with their nasty looks and holier than thou attitude. I'd managed to get my patients ready, down to 2 get ups and one change left. My priority was getting the woman changed and she was a mandatory 2 person care due to her size. She was very aware, but blind and easily scared so she required kid gloves. I'd already tried myself out of desperation to provide care for her... Finally, another CNA who was also running late stayed and helped me with her.

The day CNA announced that she should march right up to the charge nurse and report me for "dressing but not transferring" the last two patients. (I'm 5'1, 120 lbs, wasn't going to happen alone!!!) She then proceeded to grab the woman up by an arm and the seat of her pants and toss her into a wheelchair screaming. At that point I was livid and I was done. I said a few unkind words to her on my way out the door.

When I reported this to the scheduler/supervisor the next day I was told "things are different on night shift, I know"...

Are you kidding me?! It's ok to be harried and cruel to people? Priorities are making sure they're dressed, but not in clean bedding/depends?

I knew I couldn't go back. So now I've trashed my resume and probably my CNA career that was going to help pay for LPN school. (I've been accepted for Spring 2011) Ugggh.

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

So did you quit or not? You are never going to find a job where you get along with absolutely everyone. If you're supposed to do 5 get-ups at your facility and you don't do it, expect people to get frustrated. But if you're new, she has no right to treat you like that and if she complains, nothing is going to come of it- new people always do a terrible job at first and your supervisors know that. I wouldn't consider your career trashed... just next time lay out your clothes and wash-up supplies out during your first round along with pads, etc., keep an eye on the clock, and when you help a coworker make sure they help you right after that so you're not just running around for them all night.

[RevolutioN2013]

I'm so sorry you had a rough night! I think after reading a lot of posts here that it is going to be important in this field to know internally that you did your best and disregard the rest, including jerky co-workers and unsupportive/unsympathetic management. I think if you can get to the point that you have no expectations of anyone except that you try your best under whatever circumstances you are in at the moment then you will be able to do what you need to do! Good luck!

[Jen{NAR}]

When working at an LTC you have to realize that you are not going to be perfect right off the bat. I was super slow and thought that I was going to get fired for not be quick. I wasn't. I would go home hysterical because I thought I was a terrible aid...but some how I had the courage to say to myself tomorrow will be a better day--it has been almost two years now and even though some nights I have to tell myself tomorrow will be a better day; most of the time I love my job. My advice to you is to maybe stick it out a little longer if you have the option to take back your resignation--if not then stick it out longer at your next job.

[laughing weasel]

The best workers at any job are sometimes the ones you regret hiring at first. They can take a bit to get on their feet but can make up for it later by being out freaking standing. Then there are some that suck and continue to suck. Odds are you are not the worst cna ever no matter how bad you feel. You will get better and things will get easier the bad news is that odds are the same feelings will occur when you become a nurse. Take it one day at at time and find a friend to gripe with.

[RevolutioN2013]

The possibility of being fired is remote IMO. Here's why...

1. Everyone is slow when they start so why would they terminate someone for following the exact same learning curve that everyone who has come before you has followed?

2. The reason you are upset with yourself is because you CARE! With so many CNA's out there who don't give a flip anymore, of COURSE they want to keep the few that do!

3. From everything I have read here what is most important to these employers is stability - if you show up on time every shift - then that takes a burden off the admin's shoulders.

Good luck!

[sourapril]

I think you did the right thing. Similar things happened to me before. I worked in the nursing home I did my clinical at. At first, they tried to get me off the orientation only after a week. I didn't feel comfortable handling things myself, so I asked for extension. But they didn't listen, and put me on the floor by myself. Several days a week, there would be only 3 CNAs (usually 4) on the floor, and each CNA has to handle about 10-12 patients. I did my best to finish my job on time, but the environment was just too hostile for me. Nobody was helping anybody out, everyone only cared about themselves. Just like you said, other CNAs would pick up the patients and throw them in the wheelchair. Nobody used gaitbelt. Even if the patient requires to use a hoyer lift, CNAs would just grab her arm and throw her into the bed. (I was told to shut the door so nobody in the hall way can see this). It's unsafe for me, for the patients, and for other CNAs. Why does it matter if it pays my bill? The job drove me nuts not because it's difficult but because there was no organization, no system, no communication. I could've stayed and still being miserable but I chose not to, so I quit. I was very grateful to have a job but it did damage to my life and my sanity. I am applying to other jobs right now, hopefully I will get some. Good luck!

[whatwasithinkinglol]

I think you did the right thing. Similar things happened to me before. I worked in the nursing home I did my clinical at. At first, they tried to get me off the orientation only after a week. I didn't feel comfortable handling things myself, so I asked for extension. But they didn't listen, and put me on the floor by myself. Several days a week, there would be only 3 CNAs (usually 4) on the floor, and each CNA has to handle about 10-12 patients. I did my best to finish my job on time, but the environment was just too hostile for me. Nobody was helping anybody out, everyone only cared about themselves. Just like you said, other CNAs would pick up the patients and throw them in the wheelchair. Nobody used gaitbelt. Even if the patient requires to use a hoyer lift, CNAs would just grab her arm and throw her into the bed. (I was told to shut the door so nobody in the hall way can see this). It's unsafe for me, for the patients, and for other CNAs. Why does it matter if it pays my bill? The job drove me nuts not because it's difficult but because there was no organization, no system, no communication. I could've stayed and still being miserable but I chose not to, so I quit. I was very grateful to have a job but it did damage to my life and my sanity. I am applying to other jobs right now, hopefully I will get some. Good luck!

So, that's my next question! How do you find a job when you were grateful enough to have been given a chance and failed? I'm risking their health, and my back! To be told "things are different on night shift" is total BS when it means doing harm to residents because no one is looking and 15 patients is a bit much when so many are total care and mandatory 2 aides... when NO ONE will help you and treat you like you're a second class citizen for even asking!

How am I to word this when looking for another position? I just look and feel like a failure/troublemaker. I know other facilities are even worse .

It doesn't help me much that my MIL passed away this summer due to lack of care (left on the potty too long, she fell, broke a hip, surgery, septic and died within months...) I'm extra sensitive. These aren't just "patients" to me. They are people. They are someone's mother, and father.

Perhaps I'm just too sensitive?

[sourapril]

I only stayed in the nursing home for 2 weeks, so I just don't mention that experience on my resume. If the interviewer asked me about my previous health experience, I would tell him or her about the nursing home job and say I quit because it's not a safe environment for me or the patients. Trust me, most places would understand your concern about patient safety. Things in hospitals are very different from nursing homes. One nurse usually handle 5-6 patients and they share responsibilities with the CNAs (nurses will shower the patients, and feed them as well.) You would never handle 10-15 patients by yourself in a hospital.