Thru program w/ children - page 3

I have 4 children ages 16, 7, 2 and 6mo (!) and was trying to figure out which 2 years of their life would be the best time to attend CRNA school. (I know it would have been best BEFORE I had them,... Read More

  1. by   u-r-sleeepy
    I'll way in here -

    I think Rhonda asks a valid question. I believe Qwiigley and Espresso girl!'s viewpoints are also valid. I think many of you are OVER reacting to the basic question. Are the majority of you saying you believe a mother's role is inconsequential? - that it doesn't matter if Mom is present or not? - no matter at what age your children are either?!? What a rediculous viewpoint! Of course the presence and impact of MOM matters to her children!

    I am doing essentially what Rhonda is asking about and I can tell you it is challenging. It is a balancing act and I have an incredible spouse who is very patient and supportive. Would you like me to tell you about how many of my fellow students have already separated/filed for divorce/having an affair so far? Those are the ones we all (in my class) know about! You think this program is a "walk in the park" and will not bring incredible stress on your marriage and family?!? You are dreaming! Does every marriage/family experience this problem? No! Of course not, but it seems to me some of you are almost flippant in your replies.

    I used to believe that because I live in America I could tackle just about anything if I had the desire and the drive to do it. I found out that isn't always the case. I would like to mention 3 things -

    A - Each person/family needs to consider all aspects of this endeavor and decide whether or not it is what you should be pursuing. Just because ONE party (in a family) is motivated and ready to go, does that dictate the rest of the family gets dragged along for the ride? It IS worth discussing and coming to a consensus.

    B - The TIMING can be critical. I waited until the opportunity fit myself AND my family a little better. Yeah - I could have pursued this years ago, but didn't. Does that make me some ?!? dumb-!@# for not going ahead anyway 5 years ago? According to some of you - it might!

    C - I am a firm believer in DOING THINGS in life that matter! Accomplishing things make a difference in your life and those around you! I loved what Kevin had to say and I also noticed the impact it had on his kids. What a WONDERFUL example for him to set for his children. I absolutely LOVE THAT!!!! I agree this is "do-able" for many of us and if you can plan this out right and time it properly, it WILL have an incredible impact on your life and that of your family!

    I want to encourage any and everyone considering this, but please consider it carefully as there is always a cost. Obviously, I believe the price tag is not too high for me and my family. I hope the same can be said for yours!
  2. by   fence
    I think you said that all very well. The point being there are consequences for all actions. Being that they are positive or negative consequences depends on the situation. Everyone's situation is different and when pursuing something in life and weighing the risk and benifits are subjective to the individual and what they find valuable. Just my thoughts.
  3. by   London88
    What you have expressed above is where I stand on the issue in terms of everybody doing what is best for them and their families. I believe the reason why some people are reacting so strongly is because a generalized opinion has been voiced by people who believe their opinions should pertain to all. To voice that opinion in reference to your own situation is very acceptable, but we have no right to tell others what would be best for them.

    Many of us have children and we know what it takes to raise them successfully. No, I know going to crna school is not a walk in the park, just like working full time and taking 6 graduate credits, and taking care of my four kids is not a walk through the park. The bottom line is many of us do not wished to be judged or lectured by others as to whether or not we believe crna school is a breeze, and where our families fit in the process. Sometimes this BB gets too personal and opinionated!
    Last edit by London88 on Dec 14, '02
  4. by   KC CHICK
    London....exactly. If it were easy, or a "walk in the park"...everyone would be in the program.

    u-r-sleepy...hon, I think you are overreacting a little yourself. Taking this WAY too personally. I was simply saying that we have come too far as women to be EXPECTED to stay at home and give up everything to spend our lives in servitude.

    I'm also sorry to hear of all the problems others are experiencing with their spouses in your program. But let me tell you, those things could have happened regardless of CRNA school. My parents were never in a CRNA father was an air-traffic controller..and mom a physical therapist. They had the nastiest divorce anyone has ever seen or heard about. It's ANY major stressor that will tear a couple like that apart. It's not your curriculum that causes one to go out and cheat on their partner or family.

    Every individual and every family are VERY different. Personal opinion aside...I just hope every family does whatever gives them personal satisfaction and lifelong HAPPINESS. Do what works for you and your family; I'll do what works best for mine.


    I almost forgot....Good Luck Rhon1991!!!:roll
    Last edit by KC CHICK on Dec 14, '02
  5. by   SambvcaSim
    Anne..........I am with you..............good luck Rhon1991!!!!

    In a nutshell: do what is best for YOU.......this is the key!

  6. by   dontae
    Better late than never, I guess. First, I'll just say that I'm not in school yet, I'm a wanna-be. I do want to share that while I was in the OR, I had two CRNA's that stressed to me that they saw a few families break up because of the stress of the one spouse being in the program. I should say that they said this right after a cheerleading rally encouraging me to get out of the OR and into the ICU and quickly apply to CRNA school. The point is to make sure your family is ready---one even suggested seeing a marital counselor to help get ready if there seems to be any problem whatsoever.

    Now, my question is this. I'm 28 years old, no kids, and a truly God-sent husband. I have applied but I don't think I'll get in this year. Hubby and I are considering trying to get pregnant as soon as we find out for sure that I DIDN"T make it in this year. Let's say we do this, somehow have a child by early 2004. Am I crazy to think that I could handle CRNA school if I get in the Aug 2004 class with a 8 or 9 month old. Remember I'm 28 years old. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.

    I would love everybody's opinion except those who think there should be one person stuck at home with kids. My family believes in the village theory-we help take care of each other and living for 18 years on one income is not an option.
  7. by   ziggyRn
    I say go for it...especially if you have a good support system in place ie husband.
    Streamline the household chores and simplify your life... it will help.
    I am in my final six months of grad school [MBA], plus work and have two kids and am now a single mother. I did the first 18 months as a fulltime student...had saved for it as the coursework was very demanding and there was no way I could get my head around accounting and finance etc without devoting myself fully to study. Study and the kids were the most important aspects of my life then.
    Thankfully, the final six months is a research project and things have relaxed somewhat. I don't have to physically be at grad school anymore so can do this from anywhere. And I have since moved away. Now have a job during school hours and study at night after the kids have gone to bed.
    The pluses are that my time management skills are better than I ever imagined they could be. And I have cut out a lot of extraneous clutter from my life.
    But...I still feel bad about this...there were lots of times when the kids couldn't go somewhere because I had to study over weekends and holidays. I also got very tired when I was up late at night reading stacks of case studies that lecturers would hand out at 4pm and expect to be all read and understood by 8am the following morning. Exams meant that they watched lots of videos. They also ate too much pizza during those times.
    However, with the hard work out of the way...must say that I feel really satisfied and pleased with what I have done. The kids have great study habits and I feel they have picked that up from me.
    They also have a income earner that has more choice re employment options. There is no way I could survive and support myself and kids on a basic nurses salary in NZ...even though I haven't finished I already have a new job with better money.
    Just seems insurmountable right now...but break it up into manageable pieces and concentrate on one bit at a time.
    Good luck, Zig.
  8. by   TraumaNurse
    It is great to hear everyones opinions on this matter. I personally put off applying to CRNA school because I thought it would be too hard on the family and all the hassles associated with going to graduate school (Moving, $$$, Stress, etc)would be too hard on my wife and children.
    I have since realized that sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horms and make it work. I have a very supportive wife (also an RN) and together we have decided that we can make it work. It will be tough, but in the end, well worth it!
    Good luck to all of you who are taking on the challenge of balancing school and family.
  9. by   AL bug
    I can't give personal experience in this area, but I have observed some of my classmates dealing with the stress of families while in school. Many people in our class have children and make it work. We started school May 2001. One woman had a baby Dec 20 2002 and has a year old baby at home (not planned that way). But another lady has a baby who was about 6 months when we started and she is doing fine. With all that said, DH and I have chosen to wait until I graduate to have children. I will be 27 when I graduate. So, to add to the rambling, it can be done, but I don't think it would be pleasant.
  10. by   2banurse
    Not being a mother, I cannot truly advise either way. My concern would be that if I were able to have a child, I would chose to stay with him/her ONLY because those early years come and go in a blink of the eye. CRNA school will be there no matter when you chose.

    Whatever you chose, good luck to you!
  11. by   ziggyRn
    I don't know about the others...but I couldn't retain a thing in the 3rd trimester and couldn't have managed to study much.
    Ditto...being exhausted for six months afterwards.
    ?Possibly too ambitious to plan a rigorous course for this time
  12. by   yoga crna
    First, let me say that becoming a nurse anesthetist was the best decision I ever made. It is the best field in nursing, bar none.

    I know many CRNAs who raised children while in school and while it was difficult never were sorry that they did it.

    My own son is proud of my accomplishments and is my biggest cheerleader. I would have never been able to offer him the lifestyle and my free time in any other profession. The beauty of this profession is that there are so many types of employment opportunities and the opportunitiy to set your own schedule. Also, the pay is great.
  13. by   lml33
    Wow! Well, I believe that its not a black and white issue. I have a 3.5 y/o and a 5 month old. I'm 27 y/o and married. I'll admit, there is some guilt when attending a CRNA program, but I wouldn't be happy with myself if I had a gap in my life that I have not fulfilled. I don't want to be one of those people who is 70 y/o saying, "I wish that I could have been a CRNA but.....". There's no time like the present, so do what's best for yourself. Your children will realize how important it is to get a great education. They'll definitely respect your decision to fulfill your career goals. Don't let anything bother you when there's negative attitudes floating around. Ignore those who are negative and do what YOU want to do. When you're finished with the program, reward your kids. When I complete the CRNA program in 2006, I'm treating myself to a new GMC Denali and taking my husband and the kids to Disney World. I've never been there. I will also explain to my kids that this is their present for putting up with mommy while she was in school. The extra cash that a CRNA makes will also allow you to have more time with the kids. I plan to make every weekend fun for the kids, such as going to the pool during the summer, or tubing in the Poconos during the winter. Make the most of your life and don't let anyone discourage you! Leslie.

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