Thru program w/ children

[Rhon1991]

I have 4 children ages 16, 7, 2 and 6mo (!) and was trying to figure out which 2 years of their life would be the best time to attend CRNA school. (I know it would have been best BEFORE I had them, but I didnt). So to those of you who have done it, any pearls of wisdom? To those of you who are planning it, what is your line of thinking about this?

I feel as if I have only one window of opportunity and thats in 5 years when they are all in school but then my 7yo will be 12 and those are critical years leading up to the 'very influential' 14 that I would want to steer her most on the straight and narrow. I just cant figure out when the best time would be. I love being a mom but I desperately want to become a CRNA once I can figure out a well thought out plan. I am a stay-at-home mom now but previous experience in CCU, CSICU, PACU so its just a matter of getting back in the ICU a year or two before applying (and other things to make me an attractive applicant!)

If Idont live near family when the time comes, Im thinking about hiring a nanny. It will just be too much for my husband b/c I told him he will feel like a single parent.

Ive heard of some still living at home with their families and others who got apartments. I am open to any thoughts on this matter.

Rhonda

[SambvcaSim]

:) I have read this thread and have something to say....but, before I do so...let me give my background in a nutshell:

Planned on CRNA school in 1996 when I was married with no children. In the process of applying, I became pregnant. I took a(personal) choice of being a stay home mother, working on the weekends. These weekends that I worked, my husband watched our child. I stayed with my child for the first 3 years of her life, and then continued my quest for CRNA school.

I am presently in a program, with a child that is 4.5 years. It is difficult, but with good support (my husband) it is doable without compromising my child's growth and happiness. I believe it is the quality of time, not the quantity, that counts.

I have seen many different situations of families in this program, and it is working for all of them. (These include students with children from 8 months to 18.) But, I stress that each one of us, in the program, have difficult times at present and in the future. I know that the majority of students would put this program on hold, if they believed it was effecting their families in a negative way.

I have learned not to cast judgement on others in the program, but spend my energy on focusing what I am doing wrong (and how to change)....and foster on the things that are working for my child. It is difficult to be a good parent when you, yourself, are not happy with what you are and what you have not accomplished in life. We know that fostering our growth can only enhance the positive effects on our children. The list of positives is endless.

I look at all your responses with respect and will accept your choices.....but, we must remember that your choices are not ours...and ours are not yours.

Good luck to all of you!!! :)

[London88]

I guess it is better to collect a welfare check and be home all day for the kids rather than go out to provide for them if you are a single parent! Even in the dark ages the poor worked as servants etc. to provide for their kids!

[u-r-sleeepy]

I'll way in here -

I think Rhonda asks a valid question. I believe Qwiigley and Espresso girl!'s viewpoints are also valid. I think many of you are OVER reacting to the basic question. Are the majority of you saying you believe a mother's role is inconsequential? - that it doesn't matter if Mom is present or not? - no matter at what age your children are either?!? What a rediculous viewpoint! Of course the presence and impact of MOM matters to her children!

I am doing essentially what Rhonda is asking about and I can tell you it is challenging. It is a balancing act and I have an incredible spouse who is very patient and supportive. Would you like me to tell you about how many of my fellow students have already separated/filed for divorce/having an affair so far? Those are the ones we all (in my class) know about! You think this program is a "walk in the park" and will not bring incredible stress on your marriage and family?!? You are dreaming! Does every marriage/family experience this problem? No! Of course not, but it seems to me some of you are almost flippant in your replies.

I used to believe that because I live in America I could tackle just about anything if I had the desire and the drive to do it. I found out that isn't always the case. I would like to mention 3 things -

A - Each person/family needs to consider all aspects of this endeavor and decide whether or not it is what you should be pursuing. Just because ONE party (in a family) is motivated and ready to go, does that dictate the rest of the family gets dragged along for the ride? It IS worth discussing and coming to a consensus.

B - The TIMING can be critical. I waited until the opportunity fit myself AND my family a little better. Yeah - I could have pursued this years ago, but didn't. Does that make me some ?!? dumb-!@# for not going ahead anyway 5 years ago? According to some of you - it might!

C - I am a firm believer in DOING THINGS in life that matter! Accomplishing things make a difference in your life and those around you! I loved what Kevin had to say and I also noticed the impact it had on his kids. What a WONDERFUL example for him to set for his children. I absolutely LOVE THAT!!!! I agree this is "do-able" for many of us and if you can plan this out right and time it properly, it WILL have an incredible impact on your life and that of your family!

I want to encourage any and everyone considering this, but please consider it carefully as there is always a cost. Obviously, I believe the price tag is not too high for me and my family. I hope the same can be said for yours!

[fence]

u-r-sleepy--

I think you said that all very well. The point being there are consequences for all actions. Being that they are positive or negative consequences depends on the situation. Everyone's situation is different and when pursuing something in life and weighing the risk and benifits are subjective to the individual and what they find valuable. Just my thoughts.

[London88]

Fence

What you have expressed above is where I stand on the issue in terms of everybody doing what is best for them and their families. I believe the reason why some people are reacting so strongly is because a generalized opinion has been voiced by people who believe their opinions should pertain to all. To voice that opinion in reference to your own situation is very acceptable, but we have no right to tell others what would be best for them.

u-r-sleepy

Many of us have children and we know what it takes to raise them successfully. No, I know going to crna school is not a walk in the park, just like working full time and taking 6 graduate credits, and taking care of my four kids is not a walk through the park. The bottom line is many of us do not wished to be judged or lectured by others as to whether or not we believe crna school is a breeze, and where our families fit in the process. Sometimes this BB gets too personal and opinionated!

[KC CHICK]

London....exactly. If it were easy, or a "walk in the park"...everyone would be in the program.

u-r-sleepy...hon, I think you are overreacting a little yourself. Taking this WAY too personally. I was simply saying that we have come too far as women to be EXPECTED to stay at home and give up everything to spend our lives in servitude.

I'm also sorry to hear of all the problems others are experiencing with their spouses in your program. But let me tell you, those things could have happened regardless of CRNA school. My parents were never in a CRNA program...my father was an air-traffic controller..and mom a physical therapist. They had the nastiest divorce anyone has ever seen or heard about. It's ANY major stressor that will tear a couple like that apart. It's not your curriculum that causes one to go out and cheat on their partner or family.

Every individual and every family are VERY different. Personal opinion aside...I just hope every family does whatever gives them personal satisfaction and lifelong HAPPINESS. Do what works for you and your family; I'll do what works best for mine.

Anne:D

I almost forgot....Good Luck Rhon1991!!!:roll

[SambvcaSim]

:) Anne..........I am with you..............good luck Rhon1991!!!!

In a nutshell: do what is best for YOU.......this is the key!

SambvcaSim

[dontae]

Better late than never, I guess. First, I'll just say that I'm not in school yet, I'm a wanna-be. I do want to share that while I was in the OR, I had two CRNA's that stressed to me that they saw a few families break up because of the stress of the one spouse being in the program. I should say that they said this right after a cheerleading rally encouraging me to get out of the OR and into the ICU and quickly apply to CRNA school. The point is to make sure your family is ready---one even suggested seeing a marital counselor to help get ready if there seems to be any problem whatsoever.

Now, my question is this. I'm 28 years old, no kids, and a truly God-sent husband. I have applied but I don't think I'll get in this year. Hubby and I are considering trying to get pregnant as soon as we find out for sure that I DIDN"T make it in this year. Let's say we do this, somehow have a child by early 2004. Am I crazy to think that I could handle CRNA school if I get in the Aug 2004 class with a 8 or 9 month old. Remember I'm 28 years old. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.

I would love everybody's opinion except those who think there should be one person stuck at home with kids. My family believes in the village theory-we help take care of each other and living for 18 years on one income is not an option.

[ziggyRn]

I say go for it...especially if you have a good support system in place ie husband.

Streamline the household chores and simplify your life... it will help.

I am in my final six months of grad school [MBA], plus work and have two kids and am now a single mother. I did the first 18 months as a fulltime student...had saved for it as the coursework was very demanding and there was no way I could get my head around accounting and finance etc without devoting myself fully to study. Study and the kids were the most important aspects of my life then.

Thankfully, the final six months is a research project and things have relaxed somewhat. I don't have to physically be at grad school anymore so can do this from anywhere. And I have since moved away. Now have a job during school hours and study at night after the kids have gone to bed.

The pluses are that my time management skills are better than I ever imagined they could be. And I have cut out a lot of extraneous clutter from my life.

But...I still feel bad about this...there were lots of times when the kids couldn't go somewhere because I had to study over weekends and holidays. I also got very tired when I was up late at night reading stacks of case studies that lecturers would hand out at 4pm and expect to be all read and understood by 8am the following morning. Exams meant that they watched lots of videos. They also ate too much pizza during those times.

However, with the hard work out of the way...must say that I feel really satisfied and pleased with what I have done. The kids have great study habits and I feel they have picked that up from me.

They also have a income earner that has more choice re employment options. There is no way I could survive and support myself and kids on a basic nurses salary in NZ...even though I haven't finished I already have a new job with better money.

Just remember...it seems insurmountable right now...but break it up into manageable pieces and concentrate on one bit at a time.

Good luck, Zig.

[TraumaNurse]

It is great to hear everyones opinions on this matter. I personally put off applying to CRNA school because I thought it would be too hard on the family and all the hassles associated with going to graduate school (Moving, $$$, Stress, etc)would be too hard on my wife and children.

I have since realized that sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horms and make it work. I have a very supportive wife (also an RN) and together we have decided that we can make it work. It will be tough, but in the end, well worth it!

Good luck to all of you who are taking on the challenge of balancing school and family.

[AL bug]

I can't give personal experience in this area, but I have observed some of my classmates dealing with the stress of families while in school. Many people in our class have children and make it work. We started school May 2001. One woman had a baby Dec 20 2002 and has a year old baby at home (not planned that way). But another lady has a baby who was about 6 months when we started and she is doing fine. With all that said, DH and I have chosen to wait until I graduate to have children. I will be 27 when I graduate. So, to add to the rambling, it can be done, but I don't think it would be pleasant.

[2banurse]

Not being a mother, I cannot truly advise either way. My concern would be that if I were able to have a child, I would chose to stay with him/her ONLY because those early years come and go in a blink of the eye. CRNA school will be there no matter when you chose.

Whatever you chose, good luck to you!