So let me make this as short as possible...I completely screwed up my first professional nursing job. I was lucky enough to get a second job close to home thank god. I've been working at the new job for a lil past 4 months and this has what has happend so far. I have not had a med error THANK GOD because the first one gave me an ulcer. But another nurse accused me of not giving a dose of IV keppra because I grabbed an newer bag (when IV drips come up from our pharm they have a date and time to hang on them so you know when to hang it) Well i just grabbed any bag of keppra and gave it and didn't pay attention the date and time and afterwards i took down the secondary tubing so he thought i never gave it. I explained myself and that was that 2. I had a super heavy patient in the CCU...levo, dopa with pressures in the low to mid 90s..but her means were all above 60 and thats what i was more concerned about...either way it was a lonnnng night. 2 units of FFP, 2 of albumin, 2 doses of 2 different antibiotics...and meds..and all i had was a 1 triple lumen central line...anyways..the intensivist checked off the order set and the secretary stamped one side wit the right name of the patient..and then stamped the otherside with the right name of the patient..of course the side i needed had the wrong name. The lab tech told me to put a sheet of paper over the name copy it...stamp the copy and fax it. So i did. The first copy i forgot to stamp..so i recopied it again and stamped it with the correct perons name....lovely job right?...Stupid I know save the bashing. 3. Today I had a PT s/p colectomy with a reanastomosis, NGT, fluids epidural. Ok so epidural at 10cc/hr (fentanyl/Buprivicaine)...PT originally went to SICU first then came ot my PCU...transfer mars were completed and signed by the doctor. I have my MARS, my mars have the typical narcan orders, Morphine 2mg for breakthrough, and another morphine order with the parameter that say start after epidural is d/c, there is also a Nubain order and a Demerol order for 25mg or pain 1-5 or 50mg >5-10...Pt was having 7/10 pain on 2 separate occasions. so i treated it with 50 mg of demerol. The demerol orders were never formally d/c'ed.So my reason for all of that is this...I feel like I have should have known better. All this stuff has given me some serious BAD anxiety and I used to never get like this..EVER. I get sick to my stomach and it's just awful. I feel like maybe I'm not cut out for this nurse business as much as I thought I was. What would you go with me if you were my boss??? I always plan for the worse so I'm thinking they'll see this as a med error and I'll be canned once again. I try to be perfect and maybe I'm just driving myself crazy. When i go home and i forget to say something I call up right away and I'm like i forgot to tell you this this this and that and oh don't forget about this too,.....etc. This cant be normal. I've been a nurse for 9 months...Not to mention now I have chronic gastritis from smoking, drinking and eating like doo doo. I don't take care of myself at all and at the rate I'm going, with stress and everything else, I'm going to an early grave..I just found out my liver enzymes are all messed up, my bili is 2.8 and everyone is saying my color is off and i feel like people know somethings wrong...i fell asleep at the corner of the nurses station while my supervisor was getting floor report from my co workers and then comes to me and says "long night" uhhhhh i had nothing to say except well kinda....Idk am I just worrying too much? I feel like if I was my NM i would be handing me a one way ticket out. I feel so sick to my stomach, but thank god for my donnatol.