Burned Out Instructor

Hello,

The new term just started this week. You would think I could not possibly be burned out so soon, but I am. Last term was extremely challenging due to a new learning platform being rolled out to the newest cohort. Since I teach Fundamentals, that meant I was the only instructor having to learn (and teach) this new product. It came with many glitches that affected student exams and other assignments. It was very overwhelming.

Add to this the fact that the college can't keep a stable faculty. We are forever starting new instructors (and new DONs) and then losing them because they don't receive a proper orientation. This task often falls to the "seasoned" staff who have all their work to do. I have less than 3 years at this school, and I am a "seasoned" staff. I never refuse to help anyone but then I get behind in my prep work, grading, etc.

I had to assume responsibility for grading half a term's worth of skills lab assignments because the lead skills lab instructor left due to a family emergency. So this is how I and one other (new) instructor spent our break between the terms. I should have said "no", and perhaps that is the crux of the problem. When you have no other staff to do these things, it is hard not to try to help out.

So here I am, responsible for teaching 3 sections of Fundamentals (5 hr classes), followed by 2 sections of Skills Labs (4 hrs each), all in 2 days.  I get no real breaks in between. Students and instructors are asking me questions. Many lack access to the learning platform or classroom management platform, so I have to seek out resolutions for these issues. Registration continues to send over new students who also need help getting access to their courses and resources. 

So, yesterday was only the 2nd day of the semester...my long day. I'm there from 8 am to 11 pm. I left at 9 pm the night before. I have already learned that one of the Skills Lab instructors is going to be out sick, the "seasoned" one. Another instructor came into my office and complained about having to now teach 3 clinical sections and teach 2 sections of Med/Surg lecture. Just so you know, it's not just me.

After she walked out, I started having a panic attack. One of many I have been having these last 4 weeks. They include chest pain, shortness of breath, and heart palpitations. I am currently on a Holter heart monitor for 7 days. The job is making me sick now. 

All of this backstory leads up to what happened next. And I still am not sure what my next step will be...I clocked out, cleaned my desk, and left as soon as possible, hoping I would not run into the Dean on my way out!

I texted the Dean and told her I was having chest pains, etc., and was going to the ER. However, I didn't go to the ER because I knew they would not find anything like the last 2 times I've gone under similar circumstances. This only happens at work.  My cardiologist says the issue is my job and I need to consider changing it.

So I left. I haven't given notice. I haven't spoken to the Dean. I don't even want to go back to that school! I start having palpitations just thinking about it. Of course, they'll have to scramble to replace me.  Someone (the Dean, maybe?) must teach my classes. Shouldn't I care about everyone else having to carry the heavier load?

No, I think I am done. I think I need to start thinking about me and my family. My husband had a TIA 2 months ago. My elderly mother who lives alone is starting to forget things. I am going to start receiving Social Security benefits next month. Can I just quit and call it a messy end to an otherwise good career?