Burned and fearing disaster

[achot chavi]

Hi, I have a unique problem. My friend and I were terribly underappreciated at one facility and after finding out that our boss cheated us, we left. I was quickly offered a position of ADON at a bigger facility for a much better salary and when I was settled my friend asked me to find her a place there too. I did and now she is behaving like a primadonna. She is doing her work but not always at full throttle (if you know what I mean). She manipulates the work schedule for her benefit which isnt always fair. She comes late to meetings and is usually unprepared etc., This all reflects pooorly on me. I've spoken to her and she claims she is trying her best and to give her more time and then she looks very sorry. Yes I know I am an enabler in this situation but feel responsible. If I don't 'cover' for her she will end up in trouble and blame me. Our DON is already on her tail and she knows it. If I had a decent replacement for her I would have already replaced her as in my eyes I am a ppatient advocate befor I am a nurse. Unfortunately I am spending much of my time helping her to keep the unit from falling apart! My work is suffering. How patient do I have to be? Has anyone else been in such a situation?

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

i would go to the don and tell her that you are appalled at what this person is doing and that you feel very badly at what the situation has turned into. i'd tell the don that she has my blessing to do whatever she feels is necessary and to please not worry about how i would feel about the matter. i'd then tell this friend that you're disappointed in the way she's been conducting herself and you can't protect her anymore, she's on her own. you have, in effect, divorced yourself from her. let the chips fall where they may. sounds like the don isn't blaming you. i've been in management and supervision awhile and i can tell you that i am very much aware that just because one person is terrific in their job, doesn't mean that their friends or relatives will be the same. that's the beauty of living in a free society--you don't get blamed for the failure of others you are connected to. in the end, if this person writes you off as a friend over this situation, she was never your friend in the first place. it seems to me that she used and manipulated you, otherwise she would not only be remorseful for her present shenanigans , but would be bending over backward to show she was trying harder to tone back on some of this obnoxious behavior of hers. it doesn't sound like she is doing anything like that at all. the only person she's concerned with is herself, not you. let her keep digging her hole. she'll eventually fall in. i'm so sorry you feel as if you have been betrayed. life is funny. you meet all kinds of people and sometimes you are shocked by who ends up disappointing you and who turns into a lifelong friend. a person's actions are often more revealing than their words.

i worked on a stepdown unit where we had a mother and daughter working. now, this is something that doesn't normally happen anymore. however, they worked different shifts. the daughter was a terrific nurse. the mother sucked and was a goof-off, exactly the opposite of what you would think. we just treated each differently. the daughter never insisted her mother be treated nicer and the mother never complained that her daughter was treated better. the mother seemed, however, to know how far over the line she could cross before getting into enough trouble that would jeopardize her job.

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

I would do the same. Go to the nurse and let her know that you will not tolerate her antics any more and you will not stick up or help her any more. Give her one last warning. Then just wait and see. She is responsible for her own actions.

[achot chavi]

Both of you, Thanks! I appreciate the advice and support! You've been very helpful!