bad study buddy!

Pneumothorax, BSN, RN · Aug 25, 2007

Okay so I have been studying with this girl for 3 semesters now. Everything has been going well except for the fact that...I do all the work. I take all the extra notes from the book, I record and listen to all the lectures and add notes to mine, etc. Also we usually only got together 1 to 2 days before the test and crammed for about 8 hours a day. For me, I had been studying all along but for her this was all she ever studied! She is a great memorizer and would manage to still pass and do well despite our differences in studying habits overall. She is younger than me by a few years but I think it makes all the difference in maturity level and dedication to the program. ANYWAY the point is: I really don't want to study with her this semester but don't know how to tell her without having a falling out. There are a few other girls that I got together with for the final at the end of last semester and I liked their group much better. Everyone did some work and took turns going over the info. With her, I basically do tutoring the whole time. I guess I still have a bad taste in my mouth from last semester when I completely bombed the last test and ruined my B to a C. I know it was by no means her fault, but I guess I am just over helping her out while my grades suffer. Sorry this is soo long! Any advice?

just tell her that you need to study alone now. simple.*if she asks why the sudden change tell her that shes too distracting :)

.wysiwyg { background-attachment: scroll; background-repeat: repeat; background-position: 0% 0%; background-color: #f2f2f2; background-image: none; color: #000000; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal } p { margin: 0px; }

sodiumH20taffy · Aug 25, 2007

I guess I am just over helping classmates out while my grades suffer.

This is a good opening for your talk since this is the best reason for change. I had the same issue last year so I have decided to join up with students with similar goals and study habits.

alkaleidi · Aug 25, 2007

If you really don't want to burn the bridge of that friendship, I'd not explain it as if you are blaming her.

Maybe try suggesting that you guys (so she doesn't feel left out) were invited to study with that other group. Explain that you joined them before and got a lot more out of the study session (due to the larger variety of input and points of view, of course). :) Make her feel welcome -- maybe with some other people there, the group will keep the focus on studying and reviewing problem areas, not teaching her in 4-8 hours what you all spent a semester/quarter learning.

The other option would be to stay with her. How are you doing? I know that I learn BEST by teaching. And writing. If I take good notes, and then take more notes, I remember. If I have to explain something in detail to someone else, I really remember. If this is actually helping you to do well, maybe it's worth dealing with the fact that your friend is completely unprepared. I personally would feel a little used, like my friend was pi**ing away her time being unproductive all through the course and then at the last minute expects me to fill her in and make sure she passes. That's not fair.

But, I would somehow try to join the other group if it is most beneficial for you. This is your career choice, your education -- keyword: you -- the most important person here. Do what is best for yourself, even if it isn't what's best for your friend. :) Good luck!

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Aug 25, 2007

Be friendly, but don't make any plans at all with her. Let her be the one to bring up the subject of getting together to study and then tell her your situation has changed, you have other plans and can't get together with her as you have done in the past. It's as simple as that. You don't have to explain. Just be assertive and repeat your very same answer to her if she continues to ask you why you can't study together. (So have a reponse reheorificed and ready.) I strongly suggest you don't tell her that you are studying with another group of students because she'll try to horn her way in. Then you'll have a whole bunch of other students upset with you for bringing her into their group. And, if she does figure out what is going on and/or gets upset, what's she going to do? Maybe do some studying on her own? Have a tantrum? Chances are the other students already know she is a leech. Many users are very manipulative about the way they use honest people. You may not be aware of how she may have also used others. Or, others have been aware of her leeching activity and turned their backs on her long ago.

GratefulHeart · Aug 25, 2007

I'd wait until she initiates a study session and then tell her that I've been reevaluating how I study and want to try something different this time around (but thanks anyway...).