Back to work after a loss of pregnancy...

[Elvish]

This is a really hard one to write.

I found out last Friday that I was pregnant, and early yesterday AM I started bleeding, and almost as soon as it started I knew. I just knew that was it. Anyway...all is okay physically, and emotionally I suppose it is par for the course to be all over the place at this point. Been an extremely difficult couple days.

My question for you all is this: those of you who have had losses, how in the HECK do you handle going back to work after this? I'm not scheduled to work again 'til Friday and Saturday but I don't know that I'll be able to go back at that point. I know I can't stay out of work forever, and it won't be healthy to anyway, but I doubt this weekend will be the right time. Anyway....how do you make it? How do you handle seeing healthy moms, healthy babies, and the like? How the heck do you do it? Any tips, tricks, things to watch out for, any advice welcome.

This really sucks.

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

Thanks to all of you for your continued thoughts and good advice and kind words. It has meant to so much, I really can't say enough.

I went back to work this past weekend and it was hard. One of the nights I was with a visibly pregnant coworker, and THAT stung worse than dealing with moms and babies. It was hard to see her pregnant belly and then remember that I was pregnant too and in a few weeks my belly would've looked like hers. Of course this is one of the nicest coworkers, who wouldn't dare do anything to hurt anyone, and I felt bad for even feeling that way, even though it was nothing personal directed at her (and I obviously know nothing was her fault!) but that part was no fun. My charge nurses were kind enough to not assign any antepartums to me as well, and I appreciated that.

This grieving/healing process is a lot harder to reckon with than anticipated. It's all over the place and hits at odd times.

[crissrn27, RN]

Elvish, I am so sorry for your loss. You know I lost a little girl in Oct. at 18 weeks so I know how hard it is. I went back to work WAY too soon thinking it would help take my mind off my loss. I think it did more harm than good. I am glad you are doing ok physically.

I am 28 weeks pregnant now (with a little boy) and I still tear up when I see a little girl that would be around my daughters age. Take all the time you need to heal and don't let anyone tell you how to act or feel. You have to act and feel the way you do and not the way people want you to, if that makes sense. Let me know if you ever need to talk.

[anurseatlast]

Elvish,

I was thinking of you today, hoping you are coping with being back at work. Remember to take care of yourself (and let us know if you just need to talk about it).

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

Thank you all so so so much. I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts sent my way. Work, with a few exceptions, has been easier than I expected, and I think it really has been everyone's kindness that has made it that way.

It still stings and I still miss the baby I lost. But I also don't think she (I'm calling this one a 'she', I really had no idea, and who really cares anyway!) is ever far away from me, and that is a great comfort. So many women have told me of their losses - both here on AN and in person - and it has also helped to know that many women have been through it and I am not alone. It all comes back at weird times and in weird ways, though. I am usually fine at work, which is a surprise....it's out in public that things sometimes get emotional.

I gave her a name and my family and I buried the tissues I passed (not very much but it was something). One of my coworkers gave me a steppingstone kit so we could make a stone for the place we buried everything. Those things gave us a lot of closure. I really do thank you all for your support here. It's really been a great source of strength for me. :redbeathe