As a new nurse I had my first patient death experience

[AllieRat]

I have had a few deaths I've assisted with as an extern going through nursing school but it was never the patient I was caring for or that I had developed a bond with through providing care for days on end. Well yesterday morning I came into report with the news that one of my patients was not doing well and more in likely would not make it through the shift. It was a patient I had the day prior that in my overall assessment of her I felt that more in likely she was in her end of life stages. When I came into her room after report she was near death, shallow breaths, and no detectable B/P. Now granted the patient was in her later years of life and had a slew of co-morbities but I was shocked in general as to my reaction to her death. Once she passed I kept it together doing post-mortem care, calling the family and letting them know, etc. Well my charge nurse and I are talking about it while I'm still trying to keep a brave face and our case manager states "Well she finally got discharged" how callous is that? After that I about lost it and retreated to a private area to grieve as I felt like I was going to pass out and got a whopper of a headache. Although I know my reactions willl get better with experience in my view she was still a human being and ought to be respected and grieved for

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

:icon_hug: You did good. It's OK to grieve, it's OK to cry.

[BelleKat, BSN, RN]

That sounds callous I know but that is her way of dealing with that pt's death. Sometimes I say "well,they finally went home or aren't in pain anymore" It might sound like I don't care when I actually care very much. My first reaction to a pt's death was pretty much like yours. I was actually surprised when she died after I had been taking care of her for a week. I had formed a bond with her, I knew she wasn't doing well but when i came in for my shift and I heard her loud breathing(we didn't sedate for that) and then she passed I just started crying. Luckily the charge nurse was a good friend of mine,she precepted me and knew this death was my first pt death because I grieved. And I still remember her too and it's been almost 30 years.

It takes a toll on you,I'm not saying that you get used to it but you have to insulate yourself a little or you'll be a mess everytime. As health care providers we sometimes see death as the enemy but for pts who have exhausted their options and have fought the good fight. They are tired and in pain and it is time when God takes them. Death is as normal as birth.

I shed a tear or two now but mostly I'm concerned for the family . I go out of my way to give them a juice or tissue box and to say I'm sorry. They usually appreciate that.

It takes time to figure out the best way for you to deal with death and dying.

You will be OK. {{{HUGS}}}