Applying for MSN- HELP :(

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So, I'm applying to a graduate program to get my MSN in Nursing Education. I've uploaded my resume, acquired all my letters of recommendation... the only thing weighing me down is this personal statement piece, which is supposed to include career goals and future plans of employment. I'm usually a decent writer, but I think it's the weight of applying to grad school and nerves that's making this piece a bear for me. I know this draft is really rough, but I would love some feedback. There aren't requirement listed for length or formatting, and I don't know anyone applying or in grad school so I'm really going in blind here (AKA I MLA format it, RIGHT?! ugh). Any advice would be well appreciated :)

I remember being a young girl, holding up my Children's Encyclopedia to my empty classroom” so that my pretend students could see the pictures. I also remember cooking in my kitchen pretending that my mother was my student. I've always had a life-long passion for teaching. At the same time, I've always wanted to work in the medical field and had a strong desire to care for others. It was a tough decision deciding my undergraduate major, but I'm extremely happy to be in the field that I am now- nursing. At this stage of my career, I'm excited to have the opportunity to merge my two dreams and become a nurse educator.

One of my favorite things I get to do on a daily basis is patient education. During my shift, I print off facility-approved education materials and take the extra time and highlight specific areas that pertain to my patient. I sit with my patient's before my shift ends and go over some of the material and try my best to answer their questions. I love the fact that I have the opportunity to impact my patient's life on a grand scale; The information I teach them could improve their health, increase their well-being, and could possible prevent a readmission.

There are a variety of avenues one can venture into after obtaining a nurse educator degree. After earning my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing, I received my first professional nursing position at _____ Hospital. Once accepted to this facility, new nurses partook in a residency program. A group of nurse educators reinforced some of the basics taught in school through simulations and classroom settings. We went over what to do in a code setting and spent time going through core interventions for different disease processes. I was extremely inspired by my educators and I whole-heartedly believe that this program and the experience I had gave me confidence and shaped me to be the nurse I am today. Being an educator in a hospital setting where I can further enhance and share my knowledge with young, nervous nurses and give them the confidence and skillset needed to begin their careers is what I look forward to achieving after obtaining my master's degree.

When I reflect on where I want to be in twenty years, I see myself in a classroom setting. I would love to be at an institution where I could educate young minds during their undergraduate coursework. Performing research and staying current in best practices, all while formulating lesson plans and serving as a role model to the next generation of nurses is my ultimate career goal.

As a floor nurse working in the float pool, I'm constantly in a different environment, often in an intensive care setting. It's important to use sound nursing judgment, as well as evidence-based practice; These are the skills given to me by the University of ____. Having an exceptional nurse educator can enhance the experience you have post-graduation. I want to strive to be that professor that enhances a student's experience and prepare a student with the knowledge and skills they need to be a prepared nurse.

I understand that obtaining a graduate degree will be rigorous and tough, especially while working full-time as a floor nurse. However, after graduating nursing school from the University of ____ with honors, I am up for the challenge. I consider myself to be a life-long learner. Working in the ever-changing healthcare field, I feel like this is an advantage for me. I like to set standards and goals for myself, and I know that obtaining my Master's of Nursing Degree in Nursing Education at the University of ___ will be my ultimate achievement yet.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

Srry - all the grad schools I know utilize APA format. We're science, not liberal arts - ;)

I would include some reference to actual teaching experience... even if it's working as a peer tutor, Preceptor or developing inservices for your unit. Based on the information you've included, it would appear that you are aiming for a career in academia - not workplace education. If so, the path is less complex, but will be longer, as you'll need a doctorate to fully realize your goal. At this stage, it may be wise to continue to give this impression because there is funding out there for "faculty preparation" that you may be able to tap into.

Wishing you the best of luck on your educational advancement.

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I'd recommend cutting back on what we call the "Look at me!" words. I realize this sounds counterintuitive, because, of course, you want them to look at you. But "passion," "extremely," and "constantly" are so overused in student essays. You're a good writer and you don't need that sort of desperation-words, LOL. In many settings, especially when looking for an advanced position, less can be more.

I'd also look attentively at losing the passive voice wherever it occurs. Hear the difference in voice between, "I was inspired by my educators" and "My educators were inspiring" or "... inspired me." The idea being, I gather, that you wanted to be like them, so the active voice says more about what they did (actively) to rate your admiration.

"Partook" is sort of weird in this context. Try "participated in" or "entered." "Rigorous and tough" is redundant (and says the same thing, LOL).

"I was extremely inspired by my educators and I whole-heartedly believe that this program and the experience I had gave me confidence and shaped me to be the nurse I am today. " is at least two and possibly three sentences. Watch out for run-ons.

Schools graduate students. Students graduate from schools. Yeah, I know the former is becoming trendy but grammatically it makes no sense at all. Perhaps this is because before kids graduated from high school they didn't learn grammar.

"When I reflect on where I want to be in twenty years, I see myself in a classroom setting." Cut unnecessary words. "Twenty years from now I see myself in a classroom."

"It's important to use sound nursing judgment, as well as evidence-based practice; These are the skills given to me by the University of ____." Semicolons separate two closely-related ideas that could stand on their own. (Passive voice rears its ugly head here, too.) "As well as" can be profitably cut to "and."

I would very happily like to recommend a wonderful piece called "Why Academics Stink at Writing," which you can find on the net. It will make you laugh, and it will make you a better writer.

Essays for admission to schools are not subject to APA rules, either. :)

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Thank you both! I'm definitely going to utilize both of your critiques here-- Greatly appreciated.

P.s. The only reason I assumed MLA was because it's a 'personal statement' and not a research paper. Wish the school was a little more specific on length/format, but I guess that's where I have to use my critical thinking skills ;)

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HouTx,

I know my long-term goal is to work in academia and one-day get my PhD. However, my hospital helps pay for my schooling if I sign a little contract with them. I actually do want to teach workplace education starting out. Is it not ideal to be able to do both with an MSN in education?

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HouTx,

I know my long-term goal is to work in academia and one-day get my PhD. However, my hospital helps pay for my schooling if I sign a little contract with them. I actually do want to teach workplace education starting out. Is it not ideal to be able to do both with an MSN in education?

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