Application Essays Jitters--feedback anyone?

[Peachy720]

hi everyone!!

if you read through this, god bless you and i can't tell you how much i would appreciate any advice or feedback!!!

okay, so i've decided that this is the weekend i'm going to put everything in my essays.

i'm normally very good at writing, always getting a's in english, but these 3 essays are the hardest thing i've ever had to write. i want them to know how much i want into this school, and that i know i've had a "checkered" past (not legally! just not so hot grades, a lot of w's when i first started), but i've never been more sure of myself. i know i need to "pimp" myself, but i'm not very good at that, and even if i could, not sure how much is too much or not enough.

each of these are supposed to be between 200-300 words.

the first talks about diversity being a core value. talk about a time where my core values were challenged and how i handled it.

what i'm thinking of is that first off, diversity isn't a problem for me and the only time it is is when someone else can't handle diversity. what did challenge me was this semester and last having to dissect a cat. all my life, i have been into animal rights. i know animal testing is crucial to science, and while i don't agree with it, i can understand some of it--especially as long as i don't have to do anything. well, these last two semesters i've had to dissect a cat and pith a frog. i literally had to choose between my love for animals and 27 years of not hurting them (literally save bugs in the house and set them free) and my wanting to be a nurse. nursing won.

--is any of this too taboo and not a good idea? is there anything i can expand upon?

the second talks about a second core value, leadership. please talk about your leadership roles and how you will incorporate it into your nursing education.

i'm thinking of talking about my work experience, where in every single job i've been in, i have been a trainer for new employees/managers/etc. also, i set the record for employee of the month in one year at one store, and another job created an award just for me, as well as a club in high school. as far as leadership at school, i always volunteer my notes to the handicapped and displaced, and i do tutoring. how i will incorporate this into my nursing school is that i plan on taking an active role in classes and clinicals, never shying away. also, i plan to get very active at jhu, which is why i'm going traditional(24months) over accelerated(13.5 months).

--anything else i should mention? not that you guys know me, hehe, just something obvious i should be seeing?

the third generally deals with please discuss how your academic, work and life experiences are relevant to the nursing profession.

for this, i plan on talking about academically being at the top of my class since i've been back in school. moreso, i'll talk about work and life experiences. for work, i'll talk about two things. first, how when i was managing a video store i was working 80 hours a week for 40 hours pay when i first took the position. i turned the store from the last place in the district to second best. also, i was thinking of talking about what i've learned in my 10 years of customer service. i know that more and more, nurses here at an talk about the profession becoming more customer-service oriented. i can talk about with how i treated each customer, handled the difficult ones. as for life experiences, talk about my short experience with volunteering.

--should i not include the customer-service talk? is it way off base? and as for volunteering, my first day there was a patient taken off life support and i helped remove her foley and iv's and put her in the body bag. since then, i haven't gotten too much patient interaction. were they not supposed to let me do that? if not, should i not include this in the essay?

i'm also going to include a fourth essay. it's to talk about the weaknesses in my application. basically, before i came back, i had a 2.9/3.0 (i've brought it up to a 3.5). there are tons of w's on my transcript(although i've never dropped because of a grade lower than a c, usually something time wise, health-wise, or personal wise), and i changed majors many times in my college career. one of my main problems was that i focused on work way too much. secondly, and this is one of the iffy parts, i always let life events get in the way. i was attacked my freshman year of college, and i dropped out when my grandmother died. should i include the attack, or should i just say letting life's events get in the way? also, should i provide an example of how i've improved (ie when my aunt committed suicide, stuck with it and maintained my a's). talking about the major changes, i was thinking of saying that i can see a reasonable concern from admissions would be me changing my mind again, but this is the longest i've ever stuck with something, and i've never been happier. i've never been more prepared academically, emotionally, socially, motivationally, and expectation-wise. i'm not trying to excuse my weaknesses. i take full blame for them. i can try to explain them and move on. believe me, i've beat myself up enough on my mistakes for years. as my dad says, you can't focus on the past so much that you get bogged down for the future.

thank you thank you thank you guys!! aaaaaanything?!?!? **heads for hills screaming**

[Peachy720]

anyone? Bueller?

Is there a better section of the board to put this in??

[Race Mom, ASN, RN]

OK, here goes my 2 cents (after my usual 2-3 Friday night brewskys). I don't have much to add, but I am very analytical and have found reasons that I am geared to be a nurse.

I have always been keen to other people's feelings. I am able to put myself in their shoes and think about how they may feel. I don't know how some people can be so mean to others. I think that makes for a good patient advocate. When I was doing peri-care on a patient who was more red than an apple in her privates, I could feel her pain and treated her as if it were me.

After I withdrew from the NS program, mainly for $ and family reasons, I tried persuing a career as a teacher since the hours are family friendly. NO thank you! The politics were crazy and I realized, even though I would LOVE to teach (still would), it wasn't ringing my bell. I had pretty much let the nursing dream fizzle by then and felt like I was destined to be lost for a career. Funny thing is, I had adreneline rushes every time there was a medical emergency (worked in a casino) at work. I jumped right in and tried to help. Just this May, I realized that I needed to fulfill my dream. I am hoping to get accepted for Spring 06 and I have promised myself that our family will get through it this time. I truely mean that.

When I was going to school for teaching, I was at Gilley's where my dh played drums. A man from England was at the bar and started talking to me. He had such a strong accent that it was hard to understand him. I had to ask him to repeat himself constantly, plus the music was so loud. About a half an hour later, he said "you must be a nurse". I told him "no". He said, "Oh, you must be a teacher than". I asked him why he said that and he said "because you are so patient with me, I figured you were one or the other". WOW! It clicked. That must be where MY confusion was. They both require patience.

I guess I have always had that quality, but never knew it. I can really read people and think ahead to what they might need. (It also works for knowing when people are lieing!!!)

People feel safe coming to me to ask advice. Too much sometimes. But I can take a neutral position. I always listen. ALWAYS.

I hope you don't think that I am just telling you about ME. It's just a way for me to show you how you need to look at the big picture. What makes you, you. What do others see in you? How do you feel when people need you or rely on you? Look at the whole picture. If you write about a particular situation, comment on how it fits into your personality as a whole, not just one situation that you handled, then going to the next. Such as the video store (quite a feat!!!). How does that fit into who you are? You were able to think critically about what the problems were and take a plan of action and see it through.

As far as your 1st question remark about you understand it's for science, all I saw was "as long as I don't have to do anything". I realize this may not be what you write, but I had to re-read that 3 times to understand it, and it seems still, that if you don't believe in it, you won't do it. I would just focus more on the fact that even though your beliefs are against it, you are able to understand the importance of it. That you have done research about the positive aspects of animal testing and have a broader view of the subject. You will continue to practice your beliefs when you can control it, but understand how the world relies on the testing and that positive things can come from it.

Thats about all I can say right now. My brain is pooped. I bet this didn't make a lick of sense, but I'm not about to erase it, it took to long to write. Good luck! I am so glad my school doesn't require essays.

Lisa

[Peachy720]

Hi Lisa!!

I can't thank you enough for taking time to read my post and then put so much thought into your answer!!

Also, thanks for sharing your experiences with me. You sound like an amazing woman (the Gilly's thing is neat!) Also, COMPLETELY with you on the mean to others' thing. I have no tolerance for it, and when I see someone else being made fun of, I get as upset as if it were me.

Have a GREAT weekend and thanks again!! :):blushkiss

[Fun2, BSN, RN]

Peachy, I'm sorry that you haven't received more responses on this matter. I realize it is very important to you. I wish I could help.

I'm like you, I think I write very very well, but not a very good bragger. lol That is exactly what you have to do.

Think of things that uplift you and your change of heart in grades, etc, and expand on that.

Good luck.