Anxious RN

[JLGtravel, BSN]

I've been in nursing for 14years. Most of my beginning years was medsurg and ortho. Some full time years and some travel nurse years. I never had a real issue with my confidence or my skill level. I took a job in CCU for four years and I'd say my confidence was the highest there. I worked with some great people and my skills were definitely tested and challenged. But I had a great experience. COVID came along and things changed and I needed a new start. I was always interested in surgery. I am now working in surgery for the past 5 years. I love it. I would say my current position for the last three years is definitely a unicorn job. Lately though I'm struggling. A few days ago I had a patient who's PIV blew. The CRNA was not available yet. Patient was on table but not sedated yet. I was the preceptor for the new circulator. She said she wanted to do the PIV. I assisted, she missed twice. I was up. (I later found out this patient had been poked multiple times in preop) When I attempted to look and start PIV I was anxious and stressed d/t having a new nurse and case load for the day and because I hadn't started an IV in years! But I thought I'll give it a try.  Two younger rad techs stood over me and pointed out that my hand was shaking quite a bit and was I sure I wanted to try, I  brushed it off and said " yea too much caffeine" I knew what I was doing but I let them and my anxiety beat me in that moment and anyway I missed and the CRNA was able to take over. I felt so embarrassed. I have anxiety and usually can control myself because I know what I'm capable of and I know the patient needs me, but I struggled that day. And than to be called out on it really sucked. I feel so inadequate and insecure. I never have really before, even when I messed up. Seems not being in those high stress situations all the time has really affected me. Just seems the older I get the more I'm struggling with skills I used to have no problem with. And for younger colleagues to make fun just seems so cold. I would never do that. And it has me questioning my skills and talent these days. Anyone else feel like this? Advice on how to handle being belittled in the work place by non nurses? And keeping skills on point when there is little opportunity?

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

Have you ever missed a PIV before? How did you feel about it then? How did you get past those feelings? How do you respond when someone you are teaching misses a PIV? How do you respond when your coworkers miss a PIV?

I want to validate that you felt humiliated by the rad techs' behavior. I also want to ask you how you know they meant to poke fun or bully? Is there any other possible motive? 

I don't think about keeping my skills on point, I think about being a lifelong learner.  I've noticed that  the best learners do things until they get them right and waste no time criticizing themselves for doing it wrong. I used to teach yoga. When I taught children a balancing pose they would fall out of it a thousand times and never once say "I'm bad at this" they would just keep doing it until they got it right. Adults would fall one time and say "I'm bad at this.” I try to be like the child. 

 

[JKL33]

Try not to make more of this than what it was. For some of us it isn't difficult to go straight into humiliation mode and start internally berating ourselves, overanalyzing, worrying what it means and in general feeling awful inside when something doesn't go as we wish it would have. 

To sum up your scenario most succinctly, you missed a difficult IV start. That's it. That has happened to every nurse who starts peripheral IVs. Frankly we all have also missed what should have been an easy poke at some point, too! 
 

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Just seems the older I get the more I'm struggling with skills I used to have no problem with. And for younger colleagues to make fun just seems so cold. I would never do that. And it has me questioning my skills and talent these days

Using this paragraph ^ as an example of where we go wrong. You are now kind of "catastrophizing" what happened. This was not because of your age and is WAY more likely to have been related to (if anything) lack of frequent practice/repetition at a skill.  Also your colleagues (older or younger is irrelevant) made a comment — so what. We don't know their intentions but IF they indeed were trying to mock/criticize, well that's cute. 🥱, who cares.  It's very easy and also very emotionally immature to mock others, especially when you aren't the one who will need to perform. 

Best thing to do is move on. Along the lines of the poster above me, be a good learner, don't criticize and catastrophize every mistake. You're a human being. 😊 

[JLGtravel, BSN]

Thank you both so much! I appreciate both perspectives and gentle comments. There is a bigger picture in our careers and yes we learn in everything we do. It never stops! And yes 🙌🏻 performing vs. commenting ugh so much truth to that! Thank you for this reminder! Blessings to you both!