Am I going backwards? I wonder if I am making a mistake.

[Sweetpea04, BSN]

I worked with adults for 2 years in oncology. I worked near by my boyfriend, who is a physician assistant. We were both on dayshift. I prefer days over nights honestly and it's great for my work life balance.. which is important to me.

For a while, and before the bf, I had been feeling a little burned out from my floor and wanted to try a new specialty. I thought about applying for NP school, going to a critical care unit, etc.

I really wanted to do ICU but for some reason I would never have a job offer.

I applied for a level 2 nicu and rejected it after being offered a position at one point.. I regretted it so much, although I mostly turned it out down because it was for nightshift. I felt dumb after rejecting it. I hated myself.

after months of crying, being rejected, and basically praying for something new..

I landed a job in a level 3 NICU in a near by hospital, but for nightshift. 

Now I am on my orientation for the NICU and it's a whole new world for me, and it involves plenty of studying. I like it so far. It's different and kind of like what I felt I needed. 

Although I do like it so far, I am pretty dang bummed out to eventually go to nightshift when I'm off orientation.. I am scared to be on a different schedule than my bf. I've done nights before and I became used to it but did not love it.

I keep doubting myself and sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by going back to a job where I have to do nights again (for god knows how long).

I have been so extremely stressed, anxious, and negative about the whole thing. 
 

 

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I think you need to prioritize. What comes first? Sounds like the bf.

[CynRN]

I would consider your regrets you had in passing up the initial offer you spoke of. It sounds as if you seriously regretted not doing it. Keep in mind, once you have a job in a field each day you spend gives you more time and experience with that specialty. It will make it easier to find your preferred shift in a short time. You mentioned going back to school, night shift will allow you free time during the day for phone calls, appointments, paperwork and grant/loan applications, onboarding etc that may be required for school. 
Speak positive to your bf about going back to school not ask him his opinion. If your future is to be together the job and salary you will bring in going to school will pay for itself over and over. If you end up not being with him then you have such a huge regret of not going for your goals and have huge resentment towards him mixed in with whatever broke you up. 

[sicubuRN]

Oof I wouldn't advise a coworker with an interesting new position and career direction to prioritize the BF, personally. Shouldn't he be flexible to supporting your work schedule? If you would do that for him, but he can't do it for you, I especially would not prioritize his feelings.

Sounds like you're not even doing night shifts yet. If you can, don't create problems for yourself by stressing about the future. Maybe it will be different than you're imagining. Some places have day shift positions open up for night shifters within a year. Is that the case on your unit?

Or, if anxiety is often a problem for you, maybe your job has EAP or covers therapy. It sounds like you had a rough patch before this job, too. Sometimes it's hard to know how much therapy can help before you try it. It may surprise you. 

In your post you say this job felt like "what you needed". That's great! Congratulations. In my view, temporary bad schedules are worth a job like that. Plus on night shift, there's plenty of time to really understand what's going on and study a new workplace. (Also, usually the people are chiller ?) Enjoy and again congrats on your career success!

[DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN]

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? How does he feel about it? Is he supportive of your career aspirations?

I have been coupled with the same nurse for almost all of my 37 year career during which we've both had periods of shift work, office hours, days, nights, rotating days and nights, 12 hour shifts, 8 hour early or late shifts. He's now retired while I'm seeing out my career again on night shift. We absolutely make the most of my nights off just as we always made the most of time together when we were on conflicting work patterns. We supported each other's career changes, university studies etc. We always worked it out.

I would say two things:

1. Time apart is healthy.

2. Commuication is everything in a relationship. Tell him. Discuss how you feel. If he's willing to discuss it rationally you have a chance of reaching a concensus and finding a solution. If he gives you an ultimatum - is he really the one?

[Sweetpea04, BSN]

He's super supportive and wants me to be happy.  He is supportive of whatever I choose. I'm just the one who is anxious. 

[FuryWin]

Try not to look at it ask a backwards move...but rather a new beginning of your career in the NICU (which is indeed its own special world). What you are feeling right now is completely normal when dealing with ANY big change...no matter how experienced you were, now you are a novice again and that can be a tough place to be. Just remember that you might have been on days with your last role, but you weren't happy there. It was time for a change. Try to trust that you made the right decision and give it some time.

[DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN]

Sweetpea04 said:

He's super supportive and wants me to be happy.  He is supportive of whatever I choose. I'm just the one who is anxious. 

Then try to stop being anxious. If he's super supportive then you've got a gem. Be grateful, go for it and make the most of your time off together. This job is a stepping stone - it isn't forever. Good luck.

[Jurse, LPN]

CynRN said:

If you end up not being with him then you have such a huge regret of not going for your goals and have huge resentment towards him mixed in with whatever broke you up. 

I wish I had listened to the wise people who told me this when I was in my 20s. I hated myself for allowing him to dominate my time. I gave up a few opportunities so I could fit into his life. Never again.