Warning: This is long and will likely be hard to follow as I've got many thoughts swirling in my head...
I am a newer RN (graduated about a year ago) who works in a critical care unit that sees a wide variety of patients. My orientation was less than ideal and I've been 'on my own' for a couple of months.
I dread every shift I work. I have a hx of depression and it's rearing it's ugly head again. I'm on meds and they help a bit, but I still dread going to work and being at work. Before work I worry what will happen at work, while I'm at work I worry that I won't know what to do/will do something wrong, and after work I worry that I did do something wrong or missed something important.
I work 12hr nights and I don't think that's helping my mental health any. I'd like to work 3-11p, but worry that I wouldn't be able to handle the traveling and inconsistent leadership on that shift.
I did well in nursing school but now feel like I know absolutely nothing. I'd like to possibly look into a different unit, but have zero confidence in my ability to interview effectively right now and I'd hate to go to an interview, humiliate myself and burn a bridge...
A co-worker of mine (who graduated with me) said my problem is that I 'care too much' and that the rest of the people who started with me feel the same dread I do, but they don't let it bother them. They just go with the flow... I can't seem to do that. I have a terrible time trying to prioritize/organize my shift. I worry that I'm not documenting the correct things or in the correct way.
Someone suggested to me that I look into a less 'intense' area of nursing, but the thought of having upwards of 5 patients that I can't see at all times scares me more that my two 'critical' patients...
Okay, I've completely rambled on and ultimately none of you will have a magic wand to wave and make this all better for me... My only hope is that some of you will have 'been there, done that' or will have some sort of advice to help me sort this all out.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any and all feedback, questions, or comments.
