All I know (LONG)
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after my or experience on friday, all i know is how much i don't know. i felt hung out to dry, and while everyone told me about the potential for this experience when i first walked through the doors, it took a whole year for it to happen.
i spent 15 hours in the or on friday. i normally work 4 ten-hour days, so i usually get relieved at 5:15. not on friday. the head of the thoracic service, who was circulating, got relieved as she was ot. earlier in the day, she deemed this a "perfect learning case" for me. when she was relieved, she left without a backwards glance. :imbar the relief circ emphatically did not want to scrub as she was on the ent team. i was scrubbing for a procedure i had never scrubbed previously: a chest wall resection. i am, by nature, a little high-strung, but i rarely ever panic or go over the deep end, but i'll tell you that by 8pm, i was quite literally praying for relief. at first, i was mad at the surgeon, but after having slept on it a couple nights, i'm angry at the situation and grateful that the surgeon has as much patience as he did. we went through at least 6 staplers, and my back table was covered from hip to hip. there were two surgeons and a medical student. thank god for the medical student because she literally kept things from falling off the patient as i made a mad scramble to keep up with the surgeons' demands, which were fast and furious. when it came time to reapproximate the chest wall with goretex, the drill (to make holes in the ribs) malfunctioned, and the surgeon grabbed the drill out my hands before i could put the safety on. the drill bit flew out of the drill and landed on the pt. of course, it could have flown into the wound and into the aorta, but thankfully, it didn't.
we got the drill working properly. they wanted fibrin glue, which i, of course, had never worked with before. that took me forever. the circulator said, "just put it together!" well, there are a couple ways to put it together and, of course, i didn't put it together the way the surgeon wanted it. thank goodness the bone cement and lead hand weren't necessary because i have never done that, either. of course, when i was finally relieved about 8:30, the case was nearly finished, and the needle count was incorrect. i have never felt quite so inept as i did that night. i stayed and went through everything to find that dang needle, and we found it (a 5-0 prolene) on the floor as soon as x-ray came through the door.
:angryfire i'm angry: angry that the patient could have really suffered from my lack of experience and lack of support; angry that i was put into such a precarious position; angry that my 1st circulator (essentially my superior) left without making sure that i could handle it; and angry that i don't even know how to learn more so that this never happens again. believe me, i'm going to go to someone (i have her in mind when she gets back from vacation) to get some real intense instruction privately. this can't happen again because the potential for a real disaster is high. i was told that i'll start learning about lung transplants soon, but i'm going to put the brakes on that tomorrow. until i get a better handle on the timing, pacing, and basic tools for these basic thoracic procedures, i don't trust myself. i'm totally freaked out.