Aging parents or medically needy child?

[PandaManda, ADN]

Just used my EAP for the first time in regards to this. What is one person supposed to do? Move overseas to care for aging parents, where there will be no jobs available for me, there will be a language barrier for my children and also lack of a good health care system for my epileptic child? Or stay here, safe and sound, while my parents rely on assistance of good neighbors for their wellbeing.

It's killing me from inside.

What would you do?

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Can your elderly parents move to the US?

[brownbook]

Can you send a few dollars each month to your parents or directly into their bank account so they can pay for someone to come by a few days a week? Even send the money to the good neighbor.

[PandaManda, ADN]

They never wanted to do it. They still don't, at this point and I think due to their age and health status it would be more difficult (they would not qualify for Medicare, as they would have to be residents for at least 5 years. That would put my dad at 93.

[PandaManda, ADN]

Can you send a few dollars each month to your parents or directly into their bank account so they can pay for someone to come by a few days a week? Even send the money to the good neighbor.

Yes, I already do this. I send them money every month. Now, I'm sending more so they can pay the neighbor. In the view of the neighbors, I have abandoned my parents.

[brownbook]

In the view of the neighbors, I have abandoned my parents.

You are in a very difficult situation. Shame and guilt are horribly damaging and strong emotions.

Have you asked your parents, or do you think they would want you to give up your career, life, family, home, etc., to care for them? Hopefully your parents are proud of what you have achieved and do not want you to give it all up for them.

Imagine your child 20 years from now. Would you want your child to leave a good job, living situation, quit school, etc., to care for you? Hopefully you would not want that for your child.

[PandaManda, ADN]

You are in a very difficult situation. Shame and guilt are horribly damaging and strong emotions.

Have you asked your parents, or do you think they would want you to give up your career, life, family, home, etc., to care for them? Hopefully your parents are proud of what you have achieved and do not want you to give it all up for them.

Imagine your child 20 years from now. Would you want your child to leave a good job, living situation, quit school, etc., to care for you? Hopefully you would not want that for your child.[/quote

Yes, they expect me to drop everything and go. It seems like my move to the US almost 20 years ago was just a trip for them. They think it's time to go back home. They say, children will adapt to anything, they will be fine.

My mom fell and broke some bones. She had surgery and was discharged home non weight bearing. There, she does not have access to PT or home health. You could only hire a domestic employee, someone that will clean/cook/toilet her.

Their neighbor is doing all the above. At this time, I'm stalling while the children finish the school year. This feeling of guilty is really taking a toll in my own health.

Therapy has been helpful, but I know what I will have to do eventually.