Advice for struggling mom

[Melmunster]

I’m currently in my 1st semester of nursing school. I have a 6 year old daughter who is in the first grade. I attend class at night M-F currently and while I make the change from work to school, my daughter gets picked up by her dads family members. (Dad is not in the picture) She is failing 1st grade and is on the cusp of retention due to her lack of reading skills. I have advised the family of this and have asked that they work with her to help her bc I am not home. It doesn’t seem they are doing as I have asked. Also I pick her up after class ends around 9:30-10ish and take her home and put her to bed. It is late, I understand that. I found out today that my daughter is falling asleep in class from another student in her class. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. Do I continue with my education or put mine on hold to help my daughter with hers since it seems like no one is helping me help her? I’ve been a total wreck over this. I’m not quite sure what to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[Misteighbloo, BSN, RN]

I feel your struggle...I just finished nursing school and have two kids, ages 6 and 10. I was fortunate that I was able to complete my classes during the day and be home (for the most part) with the kids at night, but i know that's not an option for all. My 6-year-old daughter is also in first grade, and struggling tremendously, particularly with reading. We are seeing some improvements, but it has taken a LOT of extra work at home with her and consistency. We are in the process of having her tested for learning disabilities - our school system provides that screening for free, so you may likely want to look into that. If she is found to have learning disabilities, she will receive extra more individualized help and accommodations at school.

Here is my two cents on your situation, take it for what you will: Normally I would stay don't let anything stand in your way; however, as parents the needs of our children need to come first when they are struggling. I cannot stress how important a good night's sleep is at this age...if children are not sleeping well (by 8:00 or 8:30 at the latest) then most likely no amount of extra work is going to be productive. It's wonderful that her father's family is able to help with care, but she really needs to be in bed nightly at an early hour to reach her full potential. While I understand the frustration and sadness of putting off your education a couple more years, I think at this point your daughter's well-being may have to take precedence. If you don't get her learning needs addressed now and get her caught up it could become a struggle throughout her school career and it is more feasible to play catch up now then down the road. It will take consistent work with her but the payoff will be worth it. When you do go back, you can go back more confident that all is okay on the homefront and a more content homefront makes nursing school a hundred times better. I had to make the same decision myself - I completed all pre-requisites 10 years ago - started having children and decided I needed to table nursing school for the time being - then redid the pre-requisites 3 years ago (you should not have to redo if you go back within a certain number of years though!). I just graduated in December and take the NCLEX this Friday - gulp! It was a dream over 10 years in the making, but waiting until things were more stable at home made all the difference in the world - and i actually enjoyed nursing school (most days haha!).

I understand this is a really tough decision and one that only you can make for yourself - I wish you and your daughter all the best. I can already tell you are a caring mama bear by questioning and considering what is best for your daughter - hugs to you!