Advice on staying emotionally composed

lady_jezebel · Jun 30, 2005

"fake it until you make it"

have you noticed how composed many of the new residents remain when faced with heavy situations? they carry a world of responsibility on their shoulders, yet most stay very calm/composed so that they can rationally assess the situation & make the very best decisions at the moment for a given patient. these residents are scared to death!!! yet most remain very calm, by virtue of their training.

if you become a basket case, you may not be "all there" to help the patient. sometimes you just gotta focus, prioritize in the moment, and be a source of strength for your patient.

(clarification: it's ok to cry with patients/families in certain circumstances, like with a death, but until then it's often best to remain calm so that the patients/families trust your judgement & feel that they're in capable hands)

SKropat · Jun 30, 2005

There are times you can cry. There is nothing wrong with that--it shows you have empathy for the family, for the situation. However, there are times you have to hold it together and not freak out. I found, after a while, though I was crying on the inside, that I could hold it together my mentally telling myself to stay calm. I would do controlled breathing (former Lamaze instructor here). But there have been definitely times when I wanted to run and hide, when I felt like I was going to lose it all totally. Like the time, a month after my own father died, a man was brought into the ER who had shot himself in the head shortly after he found out he had brain cancer. His daughter came in and started this heartbreaking grieving. The loud sobs broke my heart and reminded me of my father's dying. I had to step out of the room for a little bit. I leaned on the wall and composed myself--and eventually went back into the room. After I got home, I just let it go. It was hard to remained composed, but I knew it had to be done for the family's sake--and mine.

BandEmom · Jun 30, 2005

You are not wrong at all for having these feelings and not being able to hold it all in. Being new is the time that these experiences are fresh to you, and you are taking it all in. It's ok to cry. I had a pt once who had a crumping newborn who we bagged for 3 hours until xport came (rural hospital)- she didn't speak any english, and she fell apart when the xport team brought the baby to her to say goodbye before they took her 90 minutes away to a tertiary care facility. The baby was in an isolette, intubated, with an IV and the arm all bandaged, and oxygen, and an NG. There were tears streaming down my face as I explained to her in Spanish that it's ok to touch her baby any way she's like, but she was so afraid, and the team was in a hurry. No matter how I look at that day, I don't feel badly at all that I cried. She knew I cared and I still met her needs too after the baby left. Many sad things will become routine for you and you will not cry, other things will affect you profoundly and I think that is something to embrace. Good luck with you preceptorship, you will do great, because having the empathy is where it begins.