Admission essay Accelerated BSN course

by kopatel23 (New) New

I'm writing my essay for accelerated or second degree nursing programs but I'm having trouble with the direction of my essay, any advice on what I should write about what I shouldn't

Here's a very rough draft, I know there's probably a lot of grammatical issues

While I was a student earning my Phlebotomy certificate, I had the opportunity to work at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital to gain clinical experience and it was the most exhilarating and inspiring experience I have had yet. Every day I would come in and perform venipunctures and on all types of people, kids, adults, those afflicted with diseases, and those who weren't and I saw how it important it was for the patients to feel at ease and comfortable. Many of the patients I had met had a lot of unpleasant experience with having their blood drawn in the past hence they were hesitant when I was prepping to draw their blood especially after knowing that I was student with very little experience. However, I made the best effort I could to make sure they were comfortable, at felt as little pain as possible. I engaged in conversation with them and got a little insight into their lives and before they knew it the procedure was done. A lot of them even went on to say that I was even better than the professionals. It was a huge compliment for me and it gave me a lot of courage and confidence, but more importantly I made an impact although it was a small it made all the difference to me.

The biggest impact made me was an experience with one patient. I was on a pediatric round with a certified phlebotomist and we entered the room of a 2 year old. Since this was my first time with a baby I assisted the phlebotomist rather than perform the venipuncture myself. The 2 year old was sleeping so when we came interrupted his sleep. The baby wasn't happy and we had to hold him down without hurting him, it was a very stressful moment for everyone in the room. Since the venipuncture was unsuccessful we had to go for a heel stick. At this point I noticed the mother was in tears. She couldn't handle seeing her baby in so much pain and distress as any other mother, but worst of all she was blaming herself for the situation the baby was in. Immediately without thinking I started to comfort her and tried to let her know that it wasn't her fault and its good now that they found out what was wrong with him so he can get the help he needs and prevent instances like this in the future. A short moments later a nurse stepped in and started to console the mother and unfortunately I had to move on to the next patient but I wished the mother and her baby all the best. That situation made me realize how much more I wanted to be a nurse.

Not only do I want to become a RN, but eventually I also want to earn my PhD in Nursing. During my time at Drexel University, I had the opportunity to work as a research assistant, I learned about the different studies being conducted and saw how useful the findings could be to future medicine. As a DNP I would be the one to conduct research, create policies based on findings and implement those findings in healthcare facilities. In order for that to happen you have to be a good leader, and I believe I gained a lot of leadership skill from being a founding member, vice president and interim president of my college Bollywood dance team. During my time of leadership I was able to bring a team of 5 dancers to a team 12. Initially we struggled to become a cohesive coordinated team but by the end we become stage worthy. Our presence on campus became recognizable, we were finally getting requests to perform for different events. At one point the president of our team had stepped down and I had to take on the responsibilities of a president and vice president at the same time. It was tough to juggle all that and my academics. There were many difficult decisions to be made, some that people were unhappy with but in the end it was all for the best. That team was my family away from home and I was proud of what we had accomplished.

MGH Institute of Health Professions, is certainly the school for me, for numerous reasons. The first being the high pass rate on the NCLEX amongst ABSNs which proves how well prepared these students are within such a short amount of time. The second is the commitment to diversity, this is especially important to me because I come from a background that is considered a minority. I am proud of the culture I was brought up in and I am happy that I can bring to a school and it will be valued. The winning factor for me is that students designed and implemented nutrition based education projects for pilot schools grades K-8. Being able to work with children is important to me because I want to become a pediatric nurse. MGH Institute of Health Professions has a lot to offer in order to further my career and I as well have a lot to offer to the school.

BeachsideRN, ASN

Specializes in NICU, Trauma, Oncology. Has 8 years experience. 1,722 Posts

Personally I would drop the dance troupe stuff and a PhD in nursing is not the same as a DNP. What was your undergraduate degree in? What was your experience as a research assistant? How can those experiences translate into patient advocate, patient educator and clinician?


Has 3 years experience. 547 Posts

Is there a limit on the length of the essay? For my accelerated BSN program our admission essay was limited to 500 words. I realize that this is a draft, but you might consider being a little more concise with your writing. As keylimesqueez said, a Ph.D. is not the same as a DNP. A Ph.D. is a research doctorate, the DNP is a clinical doctorate.

FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN

Specializes in Psychiatry, Pediatrics, Community, Nurse Manager. Has 6 years experience. 2,055 Posts

I would be able to help you better if you included the essay assignment provided by the school, so I can figure out what needs to stay and what needs to go. You have many topics in here. If they are all necessary points to the assignment then fine. If not, I suggest you keep your strong ones and get rid of the weak ones.

Your best points are the ones about why you want to be a nurse and your phlebotomist stories. I think your desire to be a pediatric nurse should be stated here. Those stories really do show why you should be in nursing school. Some trimming down might be necessary, but this is the best part.

The dance team story is not as strong. It doesn't point out why you should be in nursing school. It doesn't add anything that I wouldn't get from simply knowing you were on a dance team and had to take on the role of president. If it is important to you to show leadership skills, then i suggest you tell a specific story of a time you had to use/learn leadership.

Your reasons for choosing that school are another weak part. Do you have to have that in the essay? If so, piick something about the curriculum or extra curriculars that makes the school unique or highlights the diversity you appreciate.


12 Posts

I don't know why i put DNP i do know that it isn't the same my mistake.. But those questions are very useful and helped me into a more concentrated thinking so thank you!! MY undergrad degree was in health sciences I went to school with the thought of becoming a PA on the advice of my dad but I found my self during my senior and junior year questioning that and found myself liking nursing better


12 Posts

A lot of schools have different requirements but yes I do have to make it more concise. I Just have soo much I would like to add but it's hard to pick and choose, I'll definitely take out the dance things. I know that the two are different, I mistakenly put that in but thank you for the advice.