Question about something I heard...

allnurses Guide · Dec 31, 2005

ok, so i'm starting school in the fall and i haven't gotten all the details ironed out yet but i have a cousin who is not far from getting her rn and she has worked at a hospital the whole time as a na. she has this new boyfriend who has an extensivelly violent criminal background, is using drugs, and has two kids by two different girls. he lies to her about everything, including the crime, not having a job, the kids, and the drugs. the other nurses where she works say she has nurse's syndrome that it's common that after a while some latch on to someone that they think they can heal or save. is there any truth to this? it all sounds a bit far fetched to me but i have a lot to learn!

it has nothing to do with being a nurse and everything to do with having no pride or self-esteem.

women from all walks of life do this.

they need a swift kick in the pants. and someone needs to save those poor babies from their "sperm donor".

steph:madface:

llg, PhD, RN · Dec 31, 2005

I agree that there are some people from all walks of life that involve themselves in such unhealthy relationships. Nursing is not immune to this -- but it is not a problem that only nurses have.

... but yes ... I do think SOME nurses enter the profession with such a strong need to help or "save" people that they are vulnerable to people who take advantage of them.

However ... if you are a strong, psychologically healthy person to begin with, I don't think nursing itself causes such vulnerability.

llg

spidermonkey · Dec 31, 2005

Since nurses are caregivers, they commonly look for a "project" to fix-- whether consciously or subconsciously- somehow this makes them feel "needed". After being in this profession for so long it becomes apparent that nurses can pick some real losers for partners. I have heard this my whole career & found it to be true. I was just talking to a 32 y/o RN the other day, she said the man she wants is married & there's nobody else she is attracted to that's 'suitable'. I told her, "Don't be afraid to date a nice guy even if you're not blown away by physical attraction." She replied, "I just don't like the nice guys- they're boring." There was a similar thread recently about dysfunction in the medical profession & the prevalence of codependency in nursing- it does seem to be higher than in other fields. There are quite a few books on this subject to back this up. While it's true that this is not solely a nurse thing, too many nurses get their self esteem from taking care of others & feeling needed- and herein lies the problem.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2006

Any nurse who would latch onto an unemployed drug addict with a life of crime is purely desperate. Then again, some 'good girls' are attracted to 'bad guys' because of the excitement factor. These women may think of nice guys as too boring or lacking spontaneous traits.

If I had a choice between living the single life and having a boyfriend/hubby who always left my house smelling like crack smoke, I'd much rather be single any day. The nursing license could be placed at risk of being revoked because of the boyfriend (stolen property in your home, etc.).

I am not yet desperate and, in my opinion, it's not worth it.

NeoNurseTX, RN · Jan 10, 2006

I've never heard of that. The last thing I'd want to come home to after work is someone else to try to fix!