Unprofessional to mention you have other patients?

WOW! Just . . . WOW!

I cannot understand how anyone who is a member of this forum and supposedly has read some of the threads and has a clue how things work would be so callous as to say that they don't care about anyone else. Yes, we understand that your loved one is your priority . . . but don't you have any compassion for the family two rooms down who is watching their mother die? Or the young man across the hall who is having his chest cracked at the bedside? It's fine to say that you're scared or nervous about your loved one -- we get that. But that you don't care? Unbelievable.

Before you tell me that I just don't understand having an ill family member, let me tell you that I've watched my father die, been at the bedside for 15 years of my mother's chronic illness exacerbations, watched my husband nearly die from mis-diagnosed ulcerative colitis and been a patient myself more times than I care to count.

I get that there are members of the general public who just don't care about others. But I really thought that WE could do better than that.

I have loads of compassion, Ruby. Too much maybe. Or perhaps I'm burned out because being compassionate hurts. There's so much pain in life. Sometimes I can help, sometimes I can't.

For instance, what am I supposed to do about the family whose mother is dying? Or the other pt you mention? How do I even know what's going on down the hall?

And I would always prefer to go get my LO's own ice, towel, etc. than ask anyone for anything, but we know that isn't always possible. Supplies are locked up in many facilities, so people have to request things instead of getting them ourselves. Also, as a nurse, I would love to be able to help other patients, but that would be inappropriate if I'm not on duty, so I get frustrated about that.

You are taking what I said too far. I care about others, but my LO is still my priority. That does not mean I behave wrongly on the occasions I have an LO as an inpatient.

YOU aren't an "ordinary folk worried about a loved one," and yet you baldly stated you didn't care about anyone else.

So if you have a loved one who is ill or injured, you are quite at your best? You are totally rational? Well, you get the medal. Some of us are not as strong.

Good catch.

I've had family members in the hospital, both for several days, weeks, and in the ED. Watching my husband in the ED for stroke-like symptoms, my son as a 5-month-old with RSV struggling to breath, my grandmother who did indeed have a stroke, my dad having an MI and now recently running to the ED with the vague text message, "your mom is at the ED, something went wrong at chemo."

Of COURSE I'm scared, terrified, (insert any descriptor).

But even as my son struggled to breath so many years ago, I NEVER took it out on the medical professionals. To be honest (and I am being honest) when I thought of other patients, it was (a.) a small prayer to them as well, (b.) interest in their conversations (yeah, I'm human and needed a distraction).

I feel blessed walking out of the hospital doors, both as an employee and when with loved ones. I would expect that my father, for example, would want his nurse to be focused on his care, not being harassed every 5 minutes for that drink of juice for that other patients guest.

Everyone should care. It would be easier for everyone involved: not just for nurses, but especially for the patients.

I don't take anything out on anyone. I know the realities. I only stated how I felt. And I have never asked for anything for myself when I've been a visitor/guest.

I didn't say that translated to any taking anything out on anyone. That was an assumption on your part.

The question OP asked was should we tell patients or family that we have other patients. Some here have said Yes, some said No. I said No and stated why, that's all.

And maybe we SHOULD all care, but we don't, so that's the way it is in this life. As I said earlier, perhaps a current lack of overflowing compassion is a sign of burnout or it just hurts too much to care about everything and everybody all the time.

I hope your LO's are all doing well.

After stating, "why should I care about anyone else" and "I truly do not give a good ____ about anyone else" ... well, it doesn't appear that you are all that accommodating to the nurse, staff, or fellow patients to be honest from this viewpoint (hence the assumption). Those are some strong words, kwim?

I think it's one thing to be terrified and afraid, even frustrated. But to state that you don't care? Or that you don't give a _____?

It's not "overflowing" compassion. I'm sure as hell ain't mother Teresa, not even a close 1/1000. It's just ... I don't know. Overall big picture? Some compassion? Relief that your loved one isn't the guy down the hall getting sent to the ICU?

I think society in general doesn't burn out from compassion; I think quite the opposite. But that's me.

I'm sure in real life you're a good, strong person, KK. Your other posts that I've encountered on AN typically have quite a lot of compassion in them; hence my surprise in this one. I guess we will "agree to disagree on this one."

Sure, we can agree to disagree. We probably agree on more than it seems. About the guy down the hall headed for ICU - first, as a non-employee, how do I even know about him? Next, all the caring in the world from me isn't going to change his situation, nor is all the compassion I actually have going to bring more staff because the suits have dictated that nurses must work harder and run faster than Secretariat.

Accommodating? Not sure how I am supposed to accommodate staff. As stated, my feelings and thoughts never give wing to rudeness or complaining to or about staff unless something is really totally amiss, which, thank God, has never been the case. I guess I accommodate by not yelling, complaining, getting violent, and by doing as much for my LO myself so nurses don't have to. They can focus on meds, orders, stuff I would not be allowed to do for LO. But helping LO bathe, eat, turn, use toilet or urinal or bedpan, I do these and more.

As I said, on the thankfully infrequent occasions that I've had an LO in the ER or admitted, my thinking is skewed, I am not at my professional best because I am not on duty as a professional. When I had to get my kids to the ER for stitches, when my child had surgery, I was just a parent - and a frightened one at that. Sure, I was a nurse (which actually made it worse because ignorance is bliss and I was not ignorant about the situation in which we were immersed), but mainly the frightened parent of a child having general anesthesia with all of its attendant risks, being sliced open and God only knows if the attending did the surgery or a learner. and was whoever did the work sober and rested and able? And was the "minor" care in the ER going to have a minimal scar and not get infected, would there be an undetected brain bleed and terrible sequelae, would I catch it if there was anything like that, etc.?

People have only so much reserve, so much stamina, can only do so much, think about so much before they shut down somewhat to stay alive at all. I don't know why society burns out, I just know that a person can take so many blows, bleed only so much, carry only a certain load for any given length of time before they either die or harden mentally/emotionally if they don't get a second wind or some relief. Anyway, that's the best explanation I can give you.

There are so many unexplained tragedies in life. God isn't in the habit, it seems, of explaining why babies have to starve, why kids get cancer, why hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, etc. happen. Why are some born so stinking rich while others are homeless and broke? I would like to understand these things. Some say it's the wrath of God, some say it's His way of getting our attention so we will turn to Him for salvation. I do not know why.

But I do ache and grieve when I see, for instance, commercials about abused animals and St. Jude (I think) Hospital commercials (kids with cancer or very serious medical problems). What did any of them do to deserve such suffering? What did their parents/families do? It's all I can do to hang onto my faith in God that He is essentially good and loving and that He is really even there at all. All of this has made me weary, just weary. Hence compassion burnout.

Anyway, peace.