New Psych Rn Needing support/advise

cjcsoon2bnp, MSN, RN, NP · Aug 5, 2011

It is my belief that God (or whatever higher-being that you believe in) gives us all of the tools we need to be successful and make an impact in this would. He relies on us to use these tools to find our personal happiness. If we live only to please others and never find our own happiness then why are we here? I think you owe it to yourself to sit down and have a long conversation with your husband and if he isn't willing to listen then you might need to find someone to share your life with who will.

!Chris :specs:

Jules A, MSN · Aug 5, 2011

I can't speak for what God wants you to do but I can offer that there is no way I wouldn't have a decent way to support myself in good married times and most especially in bad ones. To me the job isn't the point it is more about the glaring red flags from your husband wanting you dependent on him at home especially when your income would be helpful. :confused: Wishing you the best.

aznursing · Aug 6, 2011

A lot of men would like to keep their wives at home, dependent on them, rather than work on the problems in their marriage. By keeping their wives dependent on them, they can keep them from leaving. I speak from experience. My first husband was this way. I left him after I was able to support myself and my children, and I got it right with my second husband. He has done so much for my self esteem just by believing in me and what I am capable of accomplishing. Everyone deserves to be with someone who will boost their self esteem and encourage them to go for their dreams.

Amee200 · Aug 18, 2011

I can speak from some experience on this. My husband left 2 years ago, came back (reluctantly on my part) because he missed the kids, was lonely and we were low on money. Well, I decided after being an admin assistant (no disrespect but there is a salary limit in the field) and stay at home mom for 6 years, decided I wanted to get further my education, either in grad studies for social work or as a psychiatric nurse. I;ve talked about it over the years but he's always said it's too expensive and that would be it. So I signed up for a class anyway, he refused to ever acklnowledge it (and it was on loan from family- he didn't even pay)....and that was the end of the end. Now that I changed my path to nursing, he was even angrier. It's selfish, it will inconvenience him (no more free time at night), etc. I couldn't believe his attitude, and after asking many married women, had never heard anyone say their husband wouldn't support them bettering themselves and the family. So, if after a long discussion, he still won't support you, rethink being with a person who wants you to be dependent, or feels threatened by the idea of financial independence, or even happiness, for his wife. He may just be scared and come around- I wish you luck...

Armygirl7 · Aug 27, 2011

but my husband has pulled back and while he won't stop me, he also won't be a support to anything going on with my new job and training schedules.

ouch. that doesn't sound to me like even a friend. who would do that to someone they love??

now the stress at home is making me uncomfortable because my personal past has always shown me to just stop trying and give up.

you've made a huge good step here by recognizing in advance how this situation will trigger you. and i have found in my life that the "same" difficulty keeps popping up until i get it right and learn the difficult lesson. any nurse needs social support - friends, family, partner, colleagues - so please do reach out and set up your own support network that works for you. if hubby ain't in that network well that was his choice wasn't it?

you can choose to surround yourself with kind and supportive people.

i think it is very exciting that you are embarking on a new career and that you have a job in this still unpredictable economy. good fior you. and your pts need devoted nurses so desperately and you are now a trained professional with the skills to help them.

god bless you and good luck to you. the past is gone. you are free in this moment.

Amee200 · Aug 28, 2011

i have history of depression and anxiety, which i will never call my self cured, but defiantly managed.

i hear your fears, since i also have anxiety and depression issues with a history of wanting to pursue something but then giving up. you have made it this far and have a job to start you on the right path, so don't give up.

i can't stress how important it is to take care of yourself in all this. with this kind of stress especially, the anxiety and depression can creep up now and then and you say it's managed so that is great. just don't let that part go in all this stress that you have. l really believe in the importance of a (good) professional helping through times like this - they are the best ones to teach you the skills that keep you from reverting to the self sabotaging habits. i myself see a therapist, and i was talking one day with him about how i feared my own anxiety or depression issues would impede my job performance. he simply said, "we all have issues, that's why we get into the field of psychiatry in the first place. you just have to have your s**t together when you begin treating people" it might sound harsh, but it's good basic advice - this is an excting and great opportunity and i feel for you that your closest family member isn't supporting you - but don't let your husband bring you down! if you must move on without him, then so be it. you and your family will be better off in the end.

HeatherPsychRN · Oct 2, 2011

Thanks for all the advise and support. I have been at my new job for 2 months now, and my husband did finally get on board (mostly). I am really glad I went for the job, because I feel like I have even more support now with my new friends and coworkers. As it turned out, my husband got laid off for the first time ever about 2 weeks into my job, so we really had no other options. Thanks again.