I am suffering the greif of an immediate family member that is in the CCU...and I don't think my family member is going to make it out of this. I have decided to take the first BIG step in admitting I need to see a physcologist, counselor, or just someone professional to talk with. I am planning on doing this today.
I have read from this website that states the following:
Be aware though, that in order to submit claims for approval, your therapist will need to report a diagnosis to the insurance company and sometimes your employer, if your insurance is employer provided.
My insurance is covered under my employer and I fear that they will dislose a diagnosis of some sort, that will cause my employer to either look down on me, find an excuse to get rid of me, or find me unfit emotionally to work (which is how I'm feeling now). It's hard for me to take care of patients if I don't feel like I can emotionally take care of myself at the moment. I am on FMLA from my job due to this issue...I had my family members doctor sign off an FMLA sheet. I'm not entirely familiar with FMLA as I've never had to do this, but it's my understanding that this protects a person legally if he/she has to miss work for a prolonged period of time. I have many hours in sick and vaction time at the moment. I rarely called in sick before...but now I feel the strong need to do so. I have already missed a week and a half of work just due to HOPING my family member will get better (they are in ICU), and crying and just feeling hopeless and helpless. I don't think it's fair for the patients I work for to have someone so emotional themselves taking care of them and I don't think I can provide adequate care in my emotional state at this time. Sometimes I feel strong and will go on in to work...but other times (like today) I just found out more terrible news about my family member and don't feel like I can go to work.
I am worried because my employer is experiencing a severe budget shortage and has already told all of us nurses that we have to decrease our work hours tremendously. At first I was angry when they told us this...but now I'm just at least thankful that I have a job in todays economy! There are hardly any LPN nursing jobs where I live, which is kind of scary. Everyones cutting back on hours, or laying people off right and left. I cannot afford to lose my job at this time.
I have told my employer my family situation, but I have not disclosed to them the need to see a physcologist...even though I'm taking so much time off. One supervisor seems supportive, but the others seem to make me FEEL as though I'm abusing my FMLA. No, they haven't told me this. It's just the way they ACT (just factual without emotion). I had a strong bond with most of my co-workers and were good friends with a few...I feel like I'm letting them down though because they are having to pick up my slack because I'm not working. One part of me feels guilty for not working, and another part of me feels like "screw them. I'm going through a lot right now and if they are angry with me then well..just srew 'em." They don't tell me their angry, but I can sense their lack of understanding while working a few days in between being off. Everyone knows about my family member...some people will ask, while others just don't even mention it. I guess I'm feeling so guilty for not working, angry, sad...just a mixture of emotions here. Does anyone have any suggestions? Especially regarding the issue of whether or not a therapist will disclose "a diagnosis" to my employer and if this can HURT me rather the HELP me? Thanks you all for listening.
