To all parent students: Are your kids making things hard or are they little angels?

BSNtobe2009 · Dec 8, 2006

He has structure and a reward system, maybe too much ?!?! ....I walk around with a stopwatch to keep him "on time" He has chores and opportunity to earn an allowance. Even a "paycheck" doesn't get him motivated. He has to finish homework or no swim team and friends etc.....it seems I have tried everything under the sun and he doesn't repond., that's why I am soooooooooo out of my mind....it's like he doesnt understand or care that anything has consequences. He stays real calm if I start getting annoyed and just replies with : "OK" His teacher says that he seems to want to do well but for whatever reason just can't get started or finish without constant reminders. I was thinking already that he might be autistic.....he is really smart, knows alot about alot and is very articulate.

Ok, I'm going to borrow a little of Dr. Phil's advice on children...you haven't tapped into what your son truly VALUES. He may LIKE certain things...but you have to narrow down to what he values...and use that as a tool.

Never be afraid to go further than he is. However, he is old enough to self-entertain and take some responsibility that you have to go to school and do well so you ALL can have a better life. Tell him the things that you'll be able to do...maybe take a real vacation, etc...and be honest with him, "You can help Mommy by being independent for awhile and let Mommy study...or you can bring your books in here with me and we can study together, but you need to be quiet."

It's a hit or miss, but you sound like you are really trying, and I think if you just keep trying different approaches you'll eventually nail it.

My father once sent my brother to school in his pajamas to teach him a lesson about getting up and getting ready. My brother thought it was funny....until he got to school. My father stopped at the Principal's office on his way out and said, "we are trying a little experiment here" The Principal gave him the thumbs up.

Yin Yang · Dec 8, 2006

I have a 6 year old who doesn't have ADD or anything, but she is a very independent soul who is constantly into everything and wanting to ask questions about everything which makes interruptions a problem. So, when I'm studying, she sits with me (often), and I'll read whatever I'm working on out loud - she asks questions about stuff I need to be able to explain well anyways, so breaking it down into 6 year old language and analogies actually helps me to learn it better. Does it slow things down for studying? Absolutely, but no more than if she was interrupting me 50 times asking me about Spongebob Squarepants. She is also learning and has found a love of science. She educates her 1st grade class by naming the correct name of the shoulder and knee, etc., talking about elastic in arteries, and so forth. The teachers are amazed at how much she soaks up and it makes sure I understand whatever I'm reading about (if you make a 6 year old grasp it at all, believe me, you have it down cold!). Make some popcorn, break out the books, and have some together time! Getting to spend this time has even become a reward that she can have taken away when she doesn't behave.

Good luck,

Kathy

jojo77 · Dec 8, 2006

I completely understand how you feel. I have 3 kids 9, 8, &7. And I'm a single mom. I explained to them and have to remind them frequently that this time I am studying , will benefit them. Video's are my savior. I rent movies for them on the weekends and try to make friday their night. We always do something. No books until they go to bed. I drink a lot of caffine and give them a lot of kisses and hugs!! reward them for being good. And ignore the wrong things (unless they are fighting).Good Luck and remain positive always tell your self you can do it !!!

stpauligirl · Dec 8, 2006

I have a 5 y/o DD and 9 y/o DS. They are constantly "bugging" each other. I found going to the park, and letting them play while I sit on a bench and read or study works great. In the summer (I always do summer school) I take them to the beach and let them play while I study. If we stay at home and I try to get anything done, they just complain and come to me to tattle about everything. BTW my husband used to only come home on the weekends (he's in the Navy) and that was THE hardest thing for our son (our daughter wasn't born yet). The only suggestion I have for that is make him feel extra special on that day, maybe make his favorite thing for dinner, or take turns reading his favorite book. Time for just him. Good luck with everything, and Happy Holidays.
Monique

Actually my husband and I take time out...usually on Saturday evenings. We have a great drop off day care and our son loves to spend time there, it's open till midnight We ususally go to dinner, a movie or what have you.

Last Saturday we ALL went to a Spurs basketball game....it was very exciting.

The thing with my husband will continue until the War in Iraq is over or he retires from the Army in 2 1/2 years :uhoh3: At least he isn't overseas for now.

Good luck to you and have a very Merry X-Mas.:Santa1:

stpauligirl · Dec 8, 2006

I completely understand how you feel. I have 3 kids 9, 8, &7. And I'm a single mom. I explained to them and have to remind them frequently that this time I am studying , will benefit them. Video's are my savior. I rent movies for them on the weekends and try to make friday their night. We always do something. No books until they go to bed. I drink a lot of caffine and give them a lot of kisses and hugs!! reward them for being good. And ignore the wrong things (unless they are fighting).Good Luck and remain positive always tell your self you can do it !!!

:Snowman1: Thank you, this snowman is for your kids

stpauligirl · Dec 8, 2006

I have a 6 year old who doesn't have ADD or anything, but she is a very independent soul who is constantly into everything and wanting to ask questions about everything which makes interruptions a problem. So, when I'm studying, she sits with me (often), and I'll read whatever I'm working on out loud - she asks questions about stuff I need to be able to explain well anyways, so breaking it down into 6 year old language and analogies actually helps me to learn it better. Does it slow things down for studying? Absolutely, but no more than if she was interrupting me 50 times asking me about Spongebob Squarepants. She is also learning and has found a love of science. She educates her 1st grade class by naming the correct name of the shoulder and knee, etc., talking about elastic in arteries, and so forth. The teachers are amazed at how much she soaks up and it makes sure I understand whatever I'm reading about (if you make a 6 year old grasp it at all, believe me, you have it down cold!). Make some popcorn, break out the books, and have some together time! Getting to spend this time has even become a reward that she can have taken away when she doesn't behave.
Good luck,
Kathy

My son is also verrrrry interested and I even took him with me to the study lab a few times and showed him all the cool models. We looked at slides together and he thinks all that science stuff is cool! Over the holidays we will work with HIS microscope. There is a pond nearby and we will examine pondwater :specs:

I am soooooo looking forward to the break!

stpauligirl · Dec 8, 2006

Ok, I'm going to borrow a little of Dr. Phil's advice on children...you haven't tapped into what your son truly VALUES. He may LIKE certain things...but you have to narrow down to what he values...and use that as a tool.
Never be afraid to go further than he is. However, he is old enough to self-entertain and take some responsibility that you have to go to school and do well so you ALL can have a better life. Tell him the things that you'll be able to do...maybe take a real vacation, etc...and be honest with him, "You can help Mommy by being independent for awhile and let Mommy study...or you can bring your books in here with me and we can study together, but you need to be quiet."
It's a hit or miss, but you sound like you are really trying, and I think if you just keep trying different approaches you'll eventually nail it.
My father once sent my brother to school in his pajamas to teach him a lesson about getting up and getting ready. My brother thought it was funny....until he got to school. My father stopped at the Principal's office on his way out and said, "we are trying a little experiment here" The Principal gave him the thumbs up.

:lol2: Thanks for sharing the pajama story....excellent psychology

Thanks for your suggestions...have a great X-Mas break!

stpauligirl · Dec 8, 2006

He sounds a lot like my daughter. She's 10, but we have been dealing with this for years. She's extremely smart, she just can't buckle down and do the homework. Have you had him evaluated for ADHD? How does he do in school? Can he stay on task there? If he's having problems at school too, I would call and talk to the school psychologist and ask for a Conner's evaluation (I believe that's what its called) and then have the teacher write a note to the Dr explaining what's happening at school, and document what goes on at home for a day or 2. We did this with my daughter, and she's now on ADHD meds, and the difference is AMAZING. The meds do wear off shortly after she gets home, but it lasts long enough for her to get her homework done. The Dr offered to give us a low dose med for her to take in the afternoon, but we declined because we didn't want sleep issues coming up.

we've had him with a psychologist who doesn't think it's ADHD....but that was a couple of years ago, we may have to try again.

My oldest was diagnosed with ADHD, the meds helped until he reached a certain age. Now that he is 22 he is like nothing ever happened...he is focused, in college, chilled out and will get married in May.....and I am almost ready for the grave :uhoh3:

stpauligirl · Dec 8, 2006

+
ahh so we are living parrallel lives then!
I have twin boys soon to be 8 they both have ADHD we have been batteling this since utero practically. They both Take medication but heck by the time they get home from school its worn off and I get the mother load of rebound from them. They feed off of each other and everything is a battle. Some days are by far better then others, I do a lot of venting, this month my dh has been home alot more then usual so thats helped but typically and starting again in January, He is back on the road 5 days a week. Trying to get study time in his hard I usually don't do anything until after 7pm if I am going to study at night. I realize you are probablly burned out now with schoool and yet have to get thru finals which our stressful. so my suggestion is to try and take a deep breath, give your son as much attention as you can possibly afford when he gets home from school make special treats go see a movie just some fun things, and then seriously crack the books when he is not around. If he has some friends you trust maybe arange for some play dates at their house with a promise to return the play date after finals.
good luck I feel your pain.

Thanks for your comfortng words....I can only imagine your twins IN and OUT of utero

Things are going better with him today.

stpauligirl · Dec 8, 2006

Its so frustrating and when no one is giving you a hand it is maddening. Have you gone to your pediatritian yet about this?
My boys have been evaluated since about 18 months of age they have always been a serious handful, they have been getting speech and O/T since about that same time. We have had every diagnosis under the sun I guess they have a little bit of evrything.
I do the timer for everythig too, we fight alot it seems its also a batttle to get them to do anything brushing teeth picking up things etc... Mine also have discipline problems at school which is why In my opinion they get noticed and get help with the school, its been my experience that the school blows it off when it doesn't effect them they don't look closely at the child I have a friend whos daughter is in 4th grade this year has been struggling for years at school I swear she is Add (without the hyperactivity) I am not going around diagnosising anyone I just see so much of it in her and with her being a girl and not a discipline problem no one takes notice. Her parents are finally getting her some testing this year and I hope they come up with something to help her. But I am telling you this because like another poster said go to your ped, even go back to school insist on some testing be specific! And make demands they have to listen and they have to provide you with tests its the law.

Yes, we've been to the pediatrician.....you are right it is Sooooooooo Frustrating and I am proud of myself for not losing it with him....many would and do. Serious child abuse is a REAL problem here in our town. Every other day you hear about someone severely hurting their kids or worse, killing them. I will go back to the school during my break, I will have more time and energy battling them about getting off their butts and providing us with what we deserve. Thanks for informing me that it's the law....I had no clue.

Yin Yang · Dec 9, 2006

I teach A & P at a community college (1 section a semester) - she got to go with me and help dissect a sheep brain and cow eyeball. She totally loved it. Next semester, I'm teaching A & P II and she wants to do a fetal pig. My supervisor said no way at the school, but she's given me one to bring home to her to dissect over the Christmas holiday...

Take care & have fun with the pond water!

Kathy

lisabeth · Dec 9, 2006

I must admit, I have an