Hello everyone ! I need a little help. I have already been accepted to a nursing school and have to submit an essay to have on file answering the following questions:
Why do you want to be a nurse?
In what ways do you think nursing will change your life?
How do you plan to achieve your goal of becoming a nurse?
Can someone proof read my essay and let me know of any corrections I should make.
I really appreciate it greatly.
Most people have the typical answer when you ask them why they want to be a nurse, they want to help people. My answer is anything but typical, I want to be a nurse because I want to help care for people and there families, I want to work in the ever changing medical field where everyday is different, and most of all I want to neb the nurse that holds the family members hand and says "everything will be ok". You may ask why I feel this way, well my answer is simple, I had three high risk pregnancies with three premature births. Two of my children were admitted to the NICU where on both occasions I had the most amazing nurse, Christina. You may have noticed that I said that "I" had the nurse when in fact the nurse was caring for my children. Well my feeling is that a nurse not only cares for a patient, but for there families as well. To me a nurse is a caregiver, a supporter, and an educator.
My whole life I have wanted to work in the medical field and feel as though I have consistently been pushed in that direction. When I was a little girl my mother would also tell me that I was going to grow up to be a nurse or a doctor. When I was 18 my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal esophageal/stomach cancer. That was when my life changed, I became the caregiver for my grandmother along with my aunt. One of us was with her day and night. That was when I knew that one day I would complete my dream and become a nurse. The only sad part is that neither my mother nor my grandmother are here to see me complete not only my dream but theirs as well.
I entered the medical field after my second child as a Surgical Tech. Although I loved the field I always felt like something was missing, that I wanted to do more then just assist during surgery, and I wanted more knowledge of the medical field. For awhile I thought the answer was working at a plastic surgery office. We worked not only with the typical plastic surgery patient, but also with breast cancer survivors and children with cleft palate with Operation Smile. I realized that I wanted to be a more intricate part of the care for patients and there families. That is when I decided to go back to school and complete my nursing degree no matter how long it took me.
In summary I feel that once I complete my nursing degree I think it will not only fulfill my dream but also fulfill my passion in helping others and their families. Of course completing will also better my economic situation once I obtain employment, but for me it is more about helping others and teaching my children about always going after your dreams. It is time to fulfill my dreams and teach my children that no matter how old you are if you want something bad enough you can do it, to never give up on your dreams no matter how hard to accomplish. With the support of my family, my children, and most of all my husband I know that my time has come to accomplish my dream and become a Nurse. I know that my life has had many twists and turns all leading my back to the medical field and to nursing. I feel that there is no stoping me now that I am finally on the right path to complete my dream and in the future I am already looking at the possibility of continuing my education and the possibility of becoming a Nurse Practitioner.
Is the essay to answer all three prompts or just one of them? I don’t see answers to the second two.
There, they’re, their. The first spelling is the one that means a place – here and there. The second spelling is the contraction of they are. The third is the possessive –it has an “i” in it, like “his.” If you would say “his whatever” you would say “their whatever.”
Comma splice. If you could correctly put a period instead of the comma because the part before the comma makes a complete sentence by itself and after the comma makes a complete sentence by itself: then you cannot correctly put a comma there.
Second sentence. “Everyday” should be “every day.” The “be” is typo “neb.” You might rewrite that sentence as more than one sentence. I would leave out the part about the answer being typical - it looks pretty typical to me. Specifically, your first reason is to help people – in so many words.
Third sentence. I’m not absolutely sure, but I think you need commas around “on both occasions.”
Fourth sentence. I would put commas around “in fact.” (Actually, I would delete the “in fact.”)
Fifth sentence. I would put a comma after “well.” (Actually, I would delete it)
Sixth sentence. I would put a comma after “to me.”
That is all I have time to do. Good Luck.
Last edit by Saysfaa on Apr 19, '13
: Reason: copy/paste messed up the formatting. pthfth.