need help in editing my esay.

[benjaz]

As human, we all have different taste in life. Some are destined to be doctors, soldiers, police officers, or lawyers to mention a few. In the same vein, people tend to have different aspirations and inspiration on the things they want to do or become in life. The best of them all is "Passion". Having a passion for what you do or want to do is the sure way to success. Another thing that one has to put into count when making a choice of a career is making a choice of a career he or she has a passion for not what others want him or her to become. As for me, I will go with the later, having passion to what I want to do in life. Passion is the foundation and pillar of every successful career in life. Without passion, there won't be a drive in pursuing your goal in life. As a child growing up, I have always wanted to be a care giver even though I don't know much about care giving at that point in my life, yet I still love it a great deal. This burning desire of care giving steamed from the movies I watched, going to the hospital with my parent to visit the sick and also seeing my aunt who was a nurse taking care of the sick , that fascinated me greatly. As I grow older, care giving took on a great meaning to me. In Government College Secondary School, Kaduna, Nigeria, that is the name of my high school. In my school, clubs like; Red Cross and First Aide existed, both which I was a member throughout my stay as a student in Government College Secondary School. Being a member of these clubs, we are saddled with the responsibility of giving medical attention to injured student either by accident or during sports before taking them to the Hospital. My membership to these clubs gave me the privilege and great opportunity to experience medical world at it prime level. Not only do they expose me into medical world, they also gave me the sense as to what care giving would look like as time progresses. This brings me to the point of wanting to be a nurse. Nursing to me is more than a profession and compassion; it gives me a deep sense of value as a human being with great responsibilities to render patient care to others. The pride I hold up till this day is to touch the lives of others in a positive and meaningful way. Saying that I am going to be a nurse each day I woke up from my sleep gives me an immeasurable feeling, a feeling embedded inside of me, a feeling beyond human comprehension, a feeling only me can tell how it feels, there is this surge of feelings that passes through my system. It gives me the motivation I needed to stay focused in the pursuit of my dream. More so, my inspiration for being a nurse originated from when I was taking care of my sick mother in the hospital. My mother was hospitalized for stroke, she suffered stroke for a year and a half (1yr & ½) and died afterwards in spite of all medical attention. I still remember like it was yesterday going back and forth from school to the hospital every morning to take her on a wheel chair for physical therapist. Though, it wasn't that easy to combine schooling with taking care of my mother, but I did it anyway because it's what I have prayed for all my life to be a care giver. As the opportunity showed it face, I seized it without putting into count what I have to go through.Besides, I have worked with four different hospitals her in United States as Patient Care Associate. This career has helped me get closer into the world of medicine than the Red Cross and First Aide Club has done. I can relate with Patients one-on-one, work side by side with Doctors and Nurses. Each time I touch the life my patients, I feel this feeling of accomplishment running down my spine and bone marrow than no good deed has ever accomplished

[meib92]

Although I'm not going to edit your essay for you (that's your job), I can advise you that there are quite a few grammatical and mechanical errors throughout your essay. Proofreading and correcting all the errors is the first step to making a great essay. You're definitely on the right path, but here are a few pointers:

-You don't need a lengthy introduction explaining that everyone has a passion or are destined to be something. That's all obvious, boring, and nursing schools have read it 1,000,000 times. Nursing schools are looking for why YOU make a great candidate.

-By cutting out broad generalizations, (passion is the foundation of every successful career) you will be able to expand on other ideas, allowing you to say more about yourself.

-Avoid the word "thing", replace it with a stronger noun, it will breathe more life into your essay.

-Be careful when using the word "it" and what "it" is actually referring to.

-Avoid writing in the second person. (i.e. - "you": Having a passion for what you do or want to do is the sure way to success.)

-Try to break up your run on sentences.

-Most schools have many resources available to students who need help with their writing. If you struggle with basic grammar, or are an ESL writer, go to your school's writing center and have a tutor help proofread your essay.

Best of luck to you!