Humor Side of Nursing

[curlyfries]

Just before a new nurse graduate lifted a patient's gown to give an insulin injection, she said to the older gentleman, "there'll be a little prick" The 89 year old man, with a twinkle in his eye, returned, "Oh, so you are a psychic, as well as a nurse!"

--------

I was working in A&E with a student nurse, when an ambulance arrived and we went out to greet it. The patient was an elderly woman, who was wrapped up in blankets, with only her face peeping out. The student said "Oh, Mrs. 'X,' you are all wrapped up like a privy parts!" You can imagine our faces!!!!!!! When we all looked at her in astonished amazement, she said " Uh oh, I meant to say chrysallis, didn't I?"

--------

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."

:roll :rotfl:

[curlyfries]

*** The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the

pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

*** Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

*** The skin was moist and dry

*** Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

*** She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until

1989 when she got a divorce.

*** Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

*** The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane

ran out of gas and crashed.

*** I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical

therapy.

*** The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who

is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

*** Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los

Angeles.

*** Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

*** She is numb from her toes down.

*** Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

*** While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

*** The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

*** The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a

stockbroker instead.

*** Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

*** Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

*** Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family

in no distress.

*** Patient was alert and unresponsive.

*** When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

*** The enema of the brain revealed a small mass in the frontal lobe.

*** This otherwise healthy 4 year old female is scheduled today for a total abdominal hysterectomy.

[Fun2, BSN, RN]

These are funny. :)

You know, you read so many negative comments from people on here.

I'd like to say as a medical assistant, the first time an elderly couple waited in the hallway to see me, after they saw the Dr. was very special.

I hadn't taken them to the room, but they wanted to wait until I got out of a patient room to see me before they left the office.

Humor, and little joys like this will keep us all going. :)

[curlyfries]

Surgeon:

Leaps tall buildings in a single bound

Is more productive than a train

Is faster than a speeding bullet

Walks on water

Talks with God

Internist:

Leaps short buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a switch engine

Is faster than a speeding BB

Walks on water if the sea is calm

Talks with God if special request is approved

General Practitioner:

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

Can fire a speeding bullet

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

Is occasionally addressed by God

Resident:

Barely clears a picket fence

Loses tug-of-war with a train

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

Swims well

Talks with animals

Intern:

Makes high skid marks on a wall when trying to leap buildings

Is run over by a train

Is not issued ammunition

Dog paddles

Talks to walls

Medical Student:

Runs into buildings

Recognizes a train 2 out of 3 times

Wets himself with a water pistol

Cannot stay afloat without a life preserver

Mumbles to himself

Nurse:

Lifts buildings and walks under them

Kicks trains off the track

Catches speeding bullets with her teeth and eats them

Freezes water with a single glance

The Nurse IS God!!!!