How do we as nurses survive to fight another day? Where do we draw our strength from to offer to the families of our patients? How do we not burnout and spiral into depression over the senseless tragedies and "unfair" death of a patient?
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It has been a particularly harsh summer for me and the nurses I work with. I have had seven of my patients pass away, either on my shift when I was their nurse, or on a different shift. I have advocated for my patient to grieving parents who were left with the decision to withdraw care or to prolong the suffering.
I handed a 2 month old child to his mother to cradle in her arms when support was withdrawn - he was beaten by his father because he would not take his bottle. I battled for the life of a teenage girl who overdosed on Rifampin - not to kill herself - but to see if her abusive mother even cared about her. We lost the battle.
I straightened the hair of another young teenage girl, who got a freak brain abscess after contracting an ear infection, before withdrawing life support. Her mom painted her nails. There are more, of course. Our unit has faced its share of darkness over the past few months. With every death, I have shed tears along with the family - it is never easy to lose a life - but the life of a child....is particularly devastating.
How do we as nurses survive to fight another day? Where do we draw our strength from to offer to the families of our patients? How do we not burnout and spiral into depression over the senseless tragedies and "unfair" death of a patient?
I have been pondering these questions all summer as I hop out of bed when my alarm blasts the darkness. I am not sure I have an answer, but I am always grateful for my job and the lives I touch. When I get to work, I look at my coworkers and wonder about how they cope. This is what I see when I use my "observation powers".
I see nurses who are sure of their skills, detailed in their patient assessments, critical of every medicine given and drip rate hanging from the iv, dedicated to their patient(s), honed in on minute changes that may show patient deterioration, advocates of patient needs, and compassionate in their care. Every beat on the monitor is appraised, lab levels are considered, critical thinking is applied. Every skill the nurse has is steadfast to fighting for the best outcome of their patient, and sometimes the nurse will win, and sometimes lose.
As a whole, the nurses will support each other. We lean on each other, fight side by side, rushing to the battle call. When we do not win, we cry, we hug, we talk. For the families, we allow ourselves to shed a few tears but we remain the comforter to our families - we will not allow them to feel the need to comfort us - for we are the professional and we are there to serve them in their darkest hours. Yet, they can see we care and we are not made of stone. They can see that their loved one was important to us.
After work, we may gather for dinner and a few drinks, or we may cry on our way home and head straight for a hot bath. Some of us deal with the stress by working out, diving into the love and laughter of our own families, or reading a great book.
Whatever it is we do to make it through a death, we make sure that the death of a patient does not consume us. If it does, we will not make it to fight another day.
