HIV+

HI, I was just told that Im HIV+. It is so devastating. I have worked as a nurse in the OR for 5 years. I just recently satrted traveling and today, 4-25-01 at 5pm was called by the er doc that I am positive. I was stuck with a dirty suture needle thursday night. About 8 months ago, it was a long busy 12 hr shift. I had to work 2 hours over and when I was cleaning up supplies in the substerile room, I was accidentally stuck with a 18g hollow core needle. Some careless nurse had left it next to instruments. I remember the day clearly. Next door was an ortho room and they had to wash some total hip inst between cases and flash them. I don't remember anyone using the dirty needle, but I as an idiot, left the hospital without going to the ER.. The next day, I called employee health and they told me sorrry, there's nothing we can do. I colud have lied , but Im a honest person. I went to the health dept and they drew my blood and 3 days later told me I was negativve. I knew I was to begin with. Feb 2001, It had been 6 months and I was tested again and those 3 days seemed really long. It came back negative again. I was so overjoyed and relieved. So, when the ER doc told me I was positive, I just couldn't believe him. He told me to have a Western Blot test, because a small and "he emphasized the word small" number of people have false postives. I agreed and some time in the next few days will have that test done. I am so scarred. What of my OR career?? My life?? How do I tell my bosses and co-workers?? How can I possibly tell my family. It will kill them. I have cried for hours and prayed for hours. I just can't think of anything else. I was offered a position as a first assistant. Can I still scrub?? Someone please give some advice. What about treatment options?? I'so nomb. I can't think straight. I would rather die tonight than live one day and tell my family and friends this life-ending news. RH