Postpartum depression

HvnSntRN · Dec 11, 2006

I experienced PPD with my first child - I had no idea that there was anything wrong with me. Yes, I was not my usual self, but there were many other things happening that exacerbated the stress, and I attributed my emotional state to those changes: I quit the job I had at the time to be at home FT with my child, we moved three times by the time he was 2 years old (one move was an 800 mile move to another province), and part of me just assumed that this was my "welcome to motherhood" and that I was having a problem transitioning from being "me", to being almost wholly responsible for my child. I felt guilty for wanting to have time to myself, and my circle of friends reinforced that by implying that to have time to myself would be "selfish". It took until after my son's THIRD birthday to feel like myself again. I would not wish that experience on anyone.

With my second child, five years later (yes, I was terrified that it would happen again) nothing like that happened. It was night and day. That's when I realized that something had gone dreadfully wrong with the first postpartum period.

What is it they say about tempting fate?? We had our third 17 months later, and I had clues during the third trimester that things were going to hell - at about 33 weeks I started having panic attacks and started obsessing about the baby's gender, terrified that if I had a boy I would get PPD again; I wanted the pregnancy to "go away" - I didn't want to see the baby, hold the baby, or even name the baby. About the same time, we went through a stretch where it seemed like every week there was another crisis. Our car broke down, the washing machine flooded the basement, I had difficulty remembering things and concentrating. I brought it up with our doctor and he flagged my chart for possible crisis intervention. Finally when the baby arrived, things were peachy until about 6 weeks postpartum. I remember very clearly making a pot of macaroni and cheese for dinner, the kids were demanding attention, the baby was crying, my husband couldn't understand why the house was upside down and the laundry wasn't done. I had never felt so overwhelmed and out of control in my life. I felt like an animal in a trap - with an overpowering urge to escape. It took every ounce of energy I had to get up in the morning, and I was sleep deprived beyond belief. I would cry for no reason at all. I felt worthless. I felt like a fraud. I felt like I had nobody in the entire world who could understand what I was feeling. I didn't want to commit suicide, but I did want to "disappear" and never be seen or heard from again.

My doctor referred me to a psychiatrist who specialized in treating women with PPD. I started on meds and stayed on them for about a year and a half. It took time, and a great deal of support, but I got better, and started nursing school when my youngest was two years old. I'm the go-to person on my Mother Baby Unit when it comes to PPD. I've done in-services for staff, and for students at the Nursing School, as well as spoken at prenatal classes. Last year I was on the Review Committee for a professional publication about PPD. I helped get a local support group off the ground too, and make sure all my patients and their partners hear about PPD before they go home.

33-weeker · Dec 17, 2006

I can totally relate to HvnsntRN's comments. I had PPD after both my births. The second was twins. The sleep deprivation doesn't help matters either. I could tell that even within the depression, my mood would be up or down depending on how much sleep I got.

Luckily, I never thought of hurting myself or my children. I just felt like I was not a good mom at times. I always thought I should be doing things better. I felt so overwhelmed.

Other things that contributed to my PPD was the fact that I suffer from depression anyway. Also, my daughter was diagnosed with autism when my twins were only about 3 months old. That was tough. I cried for two days -- not because of her diagnosis, but because when I realized that she had receptive language problems, that meant I had been too strict with a child who couldn't understand what was expected of her.

DrCourtenay · Sep 13, 2008

I'm grateful for all of the women in this thread for coming forward and talking about their own experiences with PPD, and for bringing attention to the not uncommon problem of postpartum depression and anxiety.

I also want to bring your attention to another thread at AllNurses about Paternal Postnatal Depression (PPND): https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/postpartum-depression-men-108407.html

Anywhere from 1 in 10, to as many as 1 in 4, new dads experience postpartum depression. And a man's risk of PPND doubles if his partner is depressed. HALF of all men whose partners have PPD are depressed themselves.

Although the symptoms can differ in men, the consequences for a man and his family (including long-term negative consequences for his child's emotional and behavioral development) are not less severe for men than women.

I thought you might like to know about a web site for men with PPND: http://www.SadDaddy.com. It's the only Internet site specifically for new dads with depression, and includes lots of information - including potential causes, an self-assessment for new fathers to complete, and an online forum for dads to talk with each other.

The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (mentioned above) has also been validated with men. A copy of the assessment is available at http://www.SadDaddy.com for a man to complete, to determine whether he might be depressed and need to seek help. Please note that the scoring for men is different than scoring for women.

Thanks again for your discussion of this important family topic!

Warm regards,

Dr. Will Courtenay, The Men's Doc

http://www.MensDoc.com