Ok back to the OP (sorry I digressed).
Lynn, you sound as if you have a good grip on what's going on personally. If, right now, you don't have it in you to do L and D nursing, don't. The time may come later when this changes. You are well aware: The very thing about L and D is, if you are emotionally overwrought, if have a lot going on personally, it's so hard to be there for your patients. Labor nursing is SOOOOO intense, so emotional, so demanding, and you have to have your own full cup to be able to give what you should to others.
Personally, having had some pregnancy losses in the past 2 years myself, it's been supremely hard for me at times to do this. I almost quit OB for a residency in Renal nursing. But something, I don't know what, stopped me. Maybe it was that family who lost a baby and needed someone with authentic experience to talk to them when they could not accept it themselves. Maybe it's the affirmation I feel with each birth experience that life should and must go on ,and we must have HOPE for the future seeing new lives come into the world. Maybe it's because I innately know OB is my gift.....my talent I share with the world. I don't know. I do not mean to sound trite.
But I DO know this much: if the time comes I truly cannot give what I do now, when I cannot truly "be there" for birthing families in a meaningful way, I too, will move on. I refuse to be a "crispy-critter" bitter nurse that taints these families' experiences negatively. I pray that day does not come; I came close last winter, as close as I care to be.
Just do what you are doing; follow your instincts, and know you are "OK" to feel this way. You have a lot going on in your life. The time may certainly come again when you feel ready to come back. If and when that happens, you will be welcomed back with open arms by the nursing community and birthing families you care for. That much, I know. Best wishes and (((HUGS))) to you. Believe in yourself and your instincts; they guide you well!