I have a serious dilema, I am a new graduate and I am stuck between having some serious doubts about my abilities and having a terrible preceptor. It has now been 4 months since I have been with a preceptor, and i feel that my progress is moving along extremely slowly. Now don' get me wrong, my preceptor is an excellent nurse, she has years upon years of experience, it's her attitude that sticks. She is mean, rude and treats me like a child. She yells and she talks about me behind my back (according to other nurses). She thrives on intimidating me and I think that is the only reason i'm still there, She enjoys her power over me. It is so bad, even patients will say to me, why is she so mean to you, why does she act like that. It has gotten to a point where other nurses are asking my nurse manager that I be switched to another preceptor. Offcourse nothing has been done because after 4 months I have said nothing.
There are a number of reasons i've endured her behavior. My lack of confidence, my inability to stand up for myself. I do have to take responsibility for the fact that I do make a lot of mistakes, I get flustered easily, and am sometimes forgetfull.
Now I'm starting to wonder if my slow progress is due to the fact that she makes me feel so nervous that I can't think. She is like a drill seargent, during deliveries and in the OR, she'll yell, she tell me to do one thing, then before i can even do that she'll tell me to do something else. its riduculous. I get so anxious before work, sometimes i'll cry the night before.
I feel worried because I still have a long way to go when it comes to developing my critical thinking skills. I'm not sure if I can blame my lack of development on my preceptor or if I'm just not cut out for nursing period, other nurses have said to me that i need to ask for a new preceptor and have even offered to work with me. But I am unsure of how to approach this, I feel too shy to say enough is enough.
I wonder if my inability to say something is proof that nursing may not be for me, Is there such a thing as a shy nurse?
