Coaching my daughter in childbirth

lamazeteacher · Nov 27, 2007

I coached both of my daughters in childbirth. It is an experience I will never forget. Used different techniques for both of them. Visualization for one and light massage for the other. I let it be know to the nurses (I worked there a long time before)that I was mom not nurse. I was my daughters advocate. I was also the gate keeper for her and my husband enforced it. It was their day and they directed. I would not have missed it for anything.

That's great, but I'm curious about how your husband enforced your "gate keeping", and what gate you kept. OB Nurses can be quite territorial if families get in their way!:uhoh21:

RNmama05 · Nov 27, 2007

That's great, but I'm curious about how your husband enforced your "gate keeping", and what gate you kept. OB Nurses can be quite territorial if families get in their way!:uhoh21:

I have not noticed this about OB nurses, though I do know we get annoyed when families think they know everything because they watch "A Baby Story". :lol2: Where I work, we are definitely the patients' allies.

dbmc · Nov 27, 2007

I've never had a child, so obviously I will never help my child give birth. Oh, but how blessed you are! To have had a child and then help deliver her baby! What an awesome experience! Congratulatons!

crissrn27, RN · Nov 28, 2007

I coached my SIL last year, she was very nervous and scared, didn't take any classes. I'm not very close to the inlaws, so I was kind of surprised that she wanted me, but I felt very blessed to be at my sweet little nieces birth. Several times when she was "stuck" at 4cm, she wanted to go for a c-sec (which the baby doc was pushing, lol), and I encouraged her to wait a little longer (baby was A-OK), ended up with a great lady partsl delivery. She was so happy she waited, especially b/c her recovery was so easy.

If your daughter really doesn't want to take classes (I would recommend that she does, and you go with her for a refresher, though), then just being there for her, ice chips, walking, etc. Whatever works for her. Every woman finds their own rhythm for labor, and it important that you not try to distract her from what works, just work with her. Don't know if that makes any since. In any case, just being with her will help more than you know. Good luck, for Mom, Grandmom, and baby! Let us know how it goes.

crysobrn · Nov 28, 2007

Congrats on being included in the birth of your grandbaby. I think there was a lot of good info by pp. I just wanted to say that I coached my sister during her delivery almost 2 yrs ago... it was a very emotional, difficult, but definately uplifting experience. I see deliveries for work all the time and NEVER was emotional about it until my baby sister was birthing her baby... I can only imagine it will be that much harder to watch your daughter. I remember when I had my first that the instructor at my classes said something like "when it comes to labor and delivery, it is hard on the moms because they want to be able to do it for you" That was even true of me for my sister. She ended up delivering her 8-11oz baby girl over a first degree laceration...

lamazeteacher · Nov 29, 2007

I agree with you. I totally depends on the angle of baby's head and where the mother looks like she's going to tear. But sometimes it's better to get a tear started in the right direction rather than have her tear upwards or something. It's sooo hard to make that judgement call and I'm glad I don't have to make it. I usually suggested to my clients that they not get cut at all unless it's an emergency and they need to get baby out fast. But some doctors will insist on cutting and if that's the case a small cut is better than a big cut. With my last baby everyone was sure I would tear along my old episiotomy scar and I didn't. I tore just a bit to one side b/c baby's head was coming out crooked and I did not need stitches. I was soo relieved.
On the other hand I had one client (10 pound posterior baby) who tore upwards and downwards too and it was a very rough recovery for her. I feel that if she had had a cut in the right direction it might have saved her a lot of healing time. But of course we didn't know until the tearing happened how bad it would be. She was very firm about no cutting at all and her decision was respected.
I'll end on the note that I'm glad these procedures are there when needed, but I think many doctors use them far too often. :)

______________________________________________________

"Everything old is new again!"

American Chai, since you called the individual you Nursed a client, rather than Patient, I assume that you work with a midwife, as you said you didn't need to make the "call".

As an OB Nurse, that decision ( to make an episiotomy) in hosptal was made by a physician (if he/she arrived in time for the delivery). If not, the patient was allowed to tear. I've liked the practice a couple of decades ago, that I and many Childbirth Educators made, that involved stretching the perineum using a lotion or cream, with fingers inside the posterior lady partsl opening. Many ardent anti-episiotomy folks did that usually the partner of the pregnant woman did it), and the findings in some anecdotal studies revealed that the tearing occurred more in those with tissue that stayed tight, no matter how much previous stretching, squatting and massage was done..... redheads' tissue being more prone to tearing.

Eventually it was found (in a double blind large rsearch project)that tears were less likely to become infected than episitomies (interesting!), even though tears involve more tissue, as they zig-zag.

There's lots of controversy about episiotomies. If there's one thing I can't stand about some male Obstetricians, is the wink they give the patient's male partner, as they suture the perineum, saying "this (tight) stitch is for you!" Grrrrrrr. Usually that one is quite a bit more painful, and makes resumption of lovemaking more painful (no research in that, just anecdotes) - no funding for it. I warn my students to say to the physician that they prefer no extra tight stitches, when the suturing commences. Unfortunately, they're so entranced by the baby at that point, they forget. Oh well.......

OzMW · Nov 29, 2007

I agree with you. I totally depends on the angle of baby's head and where the mother looks like she's going to tear. But sometimes it's better to get a tear started in the right direction rather than have her tear upwards or something. It's sooo hard to make that judgement call and I'm glad I don't have to make it. I usually suggested to my clients that they not get cut at all unless it's an emergency and they need to get baby out fast. But some doctors will insist on cutting and if that's the case a small cut is better than a big cut.
On the other hand I had one client (10 pound posterior baby) who tore upwards and downwards too and it was a very rough recovery for her. I feel that if she had had a cut in the right direction it might have saved her a lot of healing time. But of course we didn't know until the tearing happened how bad it would be. She was very firm about no cutting at all and her decision was respected.
I'll end on the note that I'm glad these procedures are there when needed, but I think many doctors use them far too often. :)

OT but I have to disagree. As someone who has to make the judgement call (am a midwife in Australia and we do all the normal births), episiotomy is rarely required. Your client with the anterior tearing would most likely have had that as well as the cut. Episiotomys take longer to heal and are far more painful than natural tearing; and they don't generally prevent 3rd degrees. A women who is susceptible to 3rd degree tearing is so probably due to the shape of her pelvic outlet. Once upon a time we were directed to cut one on women who'd had a previous 3rd degree, but there is no evidence that this makes any difference. Any doctor/midwife who cuts one to prevent a bigger tear or to make the suturing easier is not practicing evidenced based medicine and is doing so to the detriment of the woman. I cut more when I was inexperienced, and can't remember the last one I did!

And much luck to the OPs upcoming birth of their grand baby. Classes are not imperative, tell her to forget the silly TV shows and provide her with hands on support, emotional support and advocacy and you'll do fine! And if you see any episiotomy scissors around the place, 'accidentally' knock em on the floor and say oops sorry, clumsy me!!!!!