Post your jokes here...

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his
sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the
druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the
phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to
confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the
druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my
side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so
I was late getting up.

I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car,
just to realize that I locked the house with both house
and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my
keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding
ticket.

Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I
had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there
was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got
the store opened and started waiting on these people,
and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the
hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels
against the cash register drawer to make change, and
they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands
and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still
ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash
drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase
with a bunch of perfume bottles on it...half of them hit
the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still
ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer
it.

It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal
thermometer...and believe me, Mister, I told her!"

NAVAJO MESSAGE

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, they did some
astronaut training on a Navajo Indian Reservation in
Arizona.....

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came
across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked
a question which his son translated.

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the
crew said they were practicing for their trip to the Moon. The
old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to
the Moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the
NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his
message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the
NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of
the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the
Elder's message to the Moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government
translator....!

He reported that the Moon message said.........

"Watch out for these a__holes, they have come to steal your
land."