Joke Poker - Bottled Blondes

Nurses Humor

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I have been toying with the idea of starting a "Joke Poker" thread.

What is Joke Poker? Simply stated one person starts the thread with a joke on a particular subject and anyone can add a joke or two or three on that subject. The winner is whoever posts the last original joke.

You might decide to add four jokes at once betting that there are no more jokes or just post them one at a time but beware! someone else might steal your thunder and post YOUR joke before you do.

Rules:- keep it PC (politically correct) and within the TOS

No racial jokes - blonde jokes become bottled blonde jokes because ANYONE can become a bottled blonde.

Redneck jokes stay redneck jokes because again anyone can be a redneck

General religious jokes only - ones that do not target any group

keep it reasonably clean

That's all folks except - here is the first "Bottled Blonde" Joke

Upper class blonde

A plane is on its way to London when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she has paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy Class she would have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I've even

learned to speak 'blonde'."

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy Section.

The flight attendant and the co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class wasn't going to London".

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To

test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5

seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one

eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly

flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second

blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch

because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one

eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best

answer you can come up with? Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture

to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you

recognize him?" He quickly adds, "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect

wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if

the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer... wait here for a

few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer,

and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE!

The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make

such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has

one eye and one ear."

Specializes in ICU.

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? ..- "Is it mine?"

Why do blondes drive BMW's?

It's the only car they can spell

Why did the bottled blonde get an abortion

Because she didn't think it was hers.

Why do bottled blondes like for you to blow in their ears?

To get a refill.

Why do bottled blondes have to be burried in a triangular shaped casket?

When you lay them down their legs spread apart.

There are 2 women carpooling to work. The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat. The brunette says, "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde, "So, do you see any cops?"

The blonde replies, "Yes."

The brunette says, "Are they behind us?"

The blonde again replies "Yes."

"Are they close?" asks the brunette.

Again the blonde replies "Yes."

The worried brunette asks, "Are they going to stop us?"

The blondes only response is a confused "I don't know."

The brunette says, "Well, are their lights on?"

The blonde replies, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes."

,,,, me toooooo !!!! Love this thread,,,,,,,

A bottled blond driving down a country road one day,,,,,

Notices in the middle of a large field,,,, another bottled blond,,,, in a ROW BOAT,,,, just paddling going nowhere,,,,

The bottled blond in the car,,,,, enraged,,,, pulled over,,,, got out of her car,,,, ran to the edge of the field,,,, stood up on the fence rail,,,,,

Screaming at the bottled blonde in the boat,,,,, "What the heck are you doing?,,, It's BB's like you,,,, who give us all bad names,,, If I could SWIM,,,,,,, I come out there and kick your behind"

How about this one...

How can you tell if a bottle blonde has been working at your computer?

There is White-Out all over the computer screen!

How about this one...

How can you tell if a bottle blonde has been working at your computer?

There is White-Out all over the computer screen!

Specializes in ICU.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels, and a K-9 Dog squad unit was patrolling nearby, and was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, then stopped short and stared in disbelief. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,

"I come home to find all my possessions missing. I call the police to help me find them, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman!"

Specializes in ICU.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels, and a K-9 Dog squad unit was patrolling nearby, and was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, then stopped short and stared in disbelief. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,

"I come home to find all my possessions missing. I call the police to help me find them, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman!"

Specializes in med/surg, cardiac/telemetry, hospice.

:roll :roll :roll

Q: What do you call a smart bottle blonde?

A: A golden retriever!

Specializes in med/surg, cardiac/telemetry, hospice.

:roll :roll :roll

Q: What do you call a smart bottle blonde?

A: A golden retriever!

Specializes in ICU.

I think I just won the "dumb blonde" Lottery - tried to post an "Irish joke" to Shamrock and PM'd it to myself -TWICE!

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