I've been thinking.....

  1. Never raise your hands to your kids.
    It leaves your groin unprotected.

    Do you think illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

    I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

    They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I figure if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

    I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

    I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

    I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

    I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older - then it dawned on me - they were cramming for their finals!

    You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

    I' ve thought about those employment applications and that blank that always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . Good Doctor!

    I've always wondered why they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do .. . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

    I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much Just look at HenryFord, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

    If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

    I wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

    I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!"

    I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

    I have noticed when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you put him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

    Also: You have to fight to give a dog a bath, yet they'll sit out in
    the rain for hours on end.

    I'm not into working out! My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

    Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

    I think the reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

    I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets
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  2. 5 Comments

  3. by   Zee_RN
    "I'm not into working out! My philosophy: No pain, no pain. "


    LOL!!! I **knew** I had a reason!!!
  4. by   BadBird
    I LOVE it, especially the one about husbands picture on beer cans, LOL!!!!!!!!!
  5. by   FIREFLY89
    lol!!!! I'm new here so now i know where to go for a giggle
    after the insane asylum we call work (pain??). Am going to put more locks on my doors to confuse the landlord!!!!
  6. by   aus nurse
    :chuckle Thanks bandaidexpert....very funny
  7. by   Motivated, SN
    I needed a good laugh. Thanks!

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