FUNNY Nursing Notes~ FUNNY Nursing Notes~ | allnurses

LEGAL NOTICE TO THE FOLLOWING ALLNURSES SUBSCRIBERS: Pixie.RN, JustBeachyNurse, monkeyhq, duskyjewel, and LadyFree28. An Order has been issued by the United States District Court for the District of Minnesota that affects you in the case EAST COAST TEST PREP LLC v. ALLNURSES.COM, INC. Click here for more information

FUNNY Nursing Notes~

  1. 5 i don't know about you but these make my day~ do you have any to share with the rest of us? feel free, i'll be looking forward to them.

    nursing notes
    *patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    *by the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.
    *on the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had completeley disappeared.
    *while in the emergency department, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
    *patient was alert and unresponsive.
    *healthy appearing, decrepit 69-year-old female, mentally alert, but forgetful.
    *she is numb from her toes down.
    *rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
    *the patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
    *she stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989, when she got a divorce.
    *bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to los angeles
    *the patient was to have a bowel resection. however, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
    *fleet enema given with stool hard as pine knots.
    *patient complains of indigestion since last night when he ate a stake.
    *patient passed flatus... two short, one long.
    *patient was seen in consultation by the physician who felt we should sit tight on the abdomen and i agreed.
    *examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.
    *indwelling urinary catheter draining clear yellow roses.
    *examination of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
    *pelvic examination to be done later on the floor.
    *indwelling catheter draining large amount of urine the color of american beer.
    *md at bedside attempting to urinate. unsuccessful. (the physician was actually attempting to intubate).
    social history
    *the patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
    *patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
    *examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
    *the skin was moist and dry.
    *both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
    *the baby was delivered; the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
    *skin: somewhat pale, but present.
    *i saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
    *because she can't get pregnant with her husband. i thought you'd like to work her up.
    *the test indicated abnormal lover function.
    *if he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 or 5 years, it comes and goes.
    *discharge status: alive, but without permission.

    (by jan black, rn, ocn)
    -contributed by francine

  2. 3 Comments

  3. Visit  hlr2752 profile page
    #1 0
    My mom caught this one before it actually got to the doctor.

    "pt has p***Y discharge" pertaining to an infected wound.......
  4. Visit  GitanoRN profile page
    #2 0
    hlr2752, Good one!
  5. Visit  rose_njarvis profile page
    #3 0
    How many patients do you have?I got rid of 2. (transferred one, and discharged one). No? Oh well I tried

Must Read Topics