FUNNY Nursing Notes~

  1. i don't know about you but these make my day~ do you have any to share with the rest of us? feel free, i'll be looking forward to them.

    nursing notes
    *patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    *by the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.
    *on the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had completeley disappeared.
    *while in the emergency department, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
    *patient was alert and unresponsive.
    *healthy appearing, decrepit 69-year-old female, mentally alert, but forgetful.
    *she is numb from her toes down.
    *rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
    *the patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
    *she stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989, when she got a divorce.
    *bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to los angeles
    *the patient was to have a bowel resection. however, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
    *fleet enema given with stool hard as pine knots.
    *patient complains of indigestion since last night when he ate a stake.
    *patient passed flatus... two short, one long.
    *patient was seen in consultation by the physician who felt we should sit tight on the abdomen and i agreed.
    *examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.
    *indwelling urinary catheter draining clear yellow roses.
    *examination of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
    *pelvic examination to be done later on the floor.
    *indwelling catheter draining large amount of urine the color of american beer.
    *md at bedside attempting to urinate. unsuccessful. (the physician was actually attempting to intubate).
    social history
    *the patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
    *patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
    *examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
    *the skin was moist and dry.
    *both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
    *the baby was delivered; the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
    *skin: somewhat pale, but present.
    *i saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
    *because she can't get pregnant with her husband. i thought you'd like to work her up.
    *the test indicated abnormal lover function.
    *if he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 or 5 years, it comes and goes.
    *discharge status: alive, but without permission.

    (by jan black, rn, ocn)
    -contributed by francine

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    About GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN

    Joined: Jan '10; Posts: 2,364; Likes: 3,120


  3. by   hlr2752
    My mom caught this one before it actually got to the doctor.

    "pt has p***Y discharge" pertaining to an infected wound.......
  4. by   GitanoRN
    hlr2752, Good one!
  5. by   rose_njarvis
    How many patients do you have?I got rid of 2. (transferred one, and discharged one). No? Oh well I tried