Coin Operated Nurse

  1. here it is the new and improved "nurse of the future" the vendonurse. this coin operated machine will take care of all your nursing needs. just slip in a few coins and choose from a wide range of actions. all vendonuse actions have been tailored to meet the general public's expectations of a nurse.

    the actions offered by vendonurse include:-

    dispensing bedpans.....................20cents
    emptying bedpans........................30 cents
    cleaning bedpans........................$ 5
    (because even machines aren't crazy)

    dispensing
    neccessary medications................10 cents
    meds demanded now...................$2
    just-in-case meds...........................$10

    listening to
    past medical history.....................$2 /hr
    family problems............................$4/hr
    every little pain you ever had......$50/hr

    wipe backside...............30cents/sq mtr
    wipe smelly feet.................50cents/toe
    wipe nose....................................diy!
    (because there are some things even a machine won't do!)

    agreeing to
    ignore advice of doctor.................$2
    ignore advice of physio.................$6
    ignore advice of real nurses.........$200
    (hey! who do you think is designing this thing!)

    estimated return on investement is 500%
    orderr your vendonurse today!!!!
    Last edit by gwenith on May 4, '03
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  2. 4 Comments

  3. by   rebel_red
    Hitting the call bell fifteen seconds after the nurse has left the room: $1- $20 (Price ranges $1 for "I can't breathe." and you really can't breathe. $20 for "Could you find the tic tac that rolled under the bed?")


    methinks this could work.......
    Tres
  4. by   MelRN13
    gwenith, you have the best jokes!

    :ROTFL:
  5. by   karenG
    It'll never catch on..........................

    Karen
  6. by   chae
    A pt once lost the upper plate of his dentures and the family called the nurses careless but the following morning while doing his bed bath a nurse found the remaining plate in his diaper. Wonder what happened to the other plate.

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