Coin Operated Nurse

Here it is the new and improved "Nurse of the Future" the VENDONURSE. This coin operated machine will take care of all your nursing needs. Just slip in a few coins and choose from a wide range of actions. All Vendonuse actions have been tailored to meet the general public's expectations of a nurse.

The actions offered by Vendonurse include:-

Dispensing bedpans.....................20cents
Emptying bedpans........................30 cents
Cleaning bedpans........................$ 5
(because even machines aren't crazy)

Dispensing
neccessary medications................10 cents
meds demanded NOW...................$2
Just-in-case meds...........................$10

Listening to
past medical history.....................$2 /hr
family problems............................$4/hr
every little pain you ever had......$50/hr

Wipe backside...............30cents/sq mtr
wipe smelly feet.................50cents/toe
wipe nose....................................DIY!
(because there are some things even a machine won't do!)

Agreeing to
ignore advice of doctor.................$2
ignore advice of physio.................$6
Ignore advice of real nurses.........$200
(hey! Who do you think is designing this thing!)

Estimated return on investement is 500%
ORDERR YOUR VENDONURSE TODAY!!!!