A cute joke...Now add yours!!

Nurses Humor

Published

A lady approaches her priest and tells him,

> "Father, I have a problem. I

> have two female parrots, but they only know how to

> say one thing." "What do

> they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how

> to say, "Hi, we're

> hookers. Want to have some fun? "That's terrible!"

> the priest exclaimed, "but

> I have a solution to your problem. Bring your female

> parrots over to my house

> and I will put them with my two male talking parrots

> whom I have taught to

> pray. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop

> saying that terrible phrase

> and your female parrots will learn to pray" "Thank

> you!" the woman responded.

> The next day the woman brings her female parrots to

> the priest's house. His

> two male parrots are holding rosary beads and

> praying in their cage. The lady

> puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and

> the female parrots say,

> "Hi, we're hookers, want to have some fun?" One male

> parrot looks over to the

> other male parrot and says, "Put the beads away,

> George. Our prayers have

> been answered."

:roll

TURKEY SANDWICHES

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they

both brought turkey sandwiches every day.

One day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a turkey sandwich. He said, "Hey,

how come you're not eating turkey, don't you like it anymore?"

She said, "I love it, but I have to stop eating it."

"Why ?"he asked? She pointed to her lap and said,

" Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there."

"Let me see", he said.

"Okay. "and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right you are.

Better not eat any more turkey. He kept eating his turkey sandwiches until

one day he brought peanut butter sandwich. He said to the little girl, "I have

to stop eating turkey. I'm starting to get feathers down there too." She asked

if she could look so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said, " Oh, my God, it's too late for you, you've already got the neck and

gizzards!"

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Cute one!

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting

naked

>in a

> > > sauna.

> > >

> > > Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

> > >

> > > The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others

looked

>at

> > > him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a micro chip

> > > under the skin of my arm."

> > >

> > > A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm

>to

> > > his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I

>have a

> > > micro chip in my hand."

> > >

> > > The hillbilly felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he

decided

>he

> > > had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna

and

> > > went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper

hanging

>from

> > > his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The

> > > hillbilly finally said... "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a

>fax.

> >

FISHING

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she also thinks.

Tabbeycat-

I love them all, especially the turkey sandwich one!

Thanks Sheena. I'll add more when I get them. My brother-in-law sends me this stuff. Cracks me up.:D

Specializes in OR,ER,med/surg,SCU.

CHAUVINIST

Jenny's husband, Charley, was a male chauvinist. Even though

they both worked full-time, he never helped around the house.

Housework was woman's work!

But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the

children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another

in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set. She was

astonished; something's up.

It turns out that Charley had read an article that said wives

who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too

tired to have sex.

The night went well and the next day she told her office friends

all about it. "We had a great dinner. Charley even cleaned up. He

helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry

and put everything away.I really enjoyed the evening."

"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

"Oh, that was perfect too. Charley was too tired!"

This is very sad, but thought you would be interested:

What with all of the sickness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,which went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote, "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at 83. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in..... and then the trouble started.

A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.

> >

> > He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just

>like he

> > did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to

>do

> > with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.

> >

> > She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

> >

> > After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed

>his

> > arms and opened his mouth.

> >

> > "No, I'm sorry", the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an

> > oral thermometer."

> >

> > This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over

>and

> > bared his behind.

> >

> > After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,

>"I

> > have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

> >

> > She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his

> > breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.

> >

> > After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going

>on

> > here?" asked the doctor.

> >

> > Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen

> > someone having their temperature taken?"

> >

> > After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

> >

He said, "Why don`t you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said, "I would but you`re never there."

He said, "Let`s go out and have some fun tonight."

She said, "O.K., but if you get home before me leave the light on.":roll

Specializes in ED staff.

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black memberes, but the one in the middle had a pink member.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white patriarchal society.

In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink member also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.

"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied.

"In fact, there's no African-Americans depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

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