Two years ago, I failed my final semester the second time and had to drop out of my previous (ADN) nursing program. I had been a B student throughout the program up til my failure. So it wasn't about the textbook knowledge. It wasn't about my skills either, as I am very anal about following steps. I just got soooo nervous when I got on the floor. It was like the whole world was watching me, or like the instructor was watching me at some dark corner, trying to catch me doing something wrong. I just couldn't relax and be myself on the floor. While I was with my patients alone, I was totally fine. But whenever the instructor stepped in, I just froze and couldn't function. It was especially worse during my two attempts for my final semester. The first time, my teacher was known to be the hardest ass in my program. The second time, I just lost my confidence completely from the previous attempt. After dropping out, I cut contact with everyone in the program and moved to a different state and started a new life. I worked as a caregiver for a while. And now I work at a local hospital lab.
Recently, I've been thinking of what I really want to do. I thought of building a career in the medical lab field. I am an introvert. The environment fits my personality pretty well. But this field lacks upward mobility. And I really miss the action. Even though I prefer to have quiet time over socializing most of the time, I like the me who was forced to interact with patients more. Granted I got nervous thinking of what kind of patients I would be getting in clinical, but after I warmed up a little with my head to toe, I enjoyed interacting with them very much! I literally never had a single difficult patient during those two years. I like to see things. I like to learn about and witness disease process. I enjoy waving goodbye to the discharged patients. I have been in touch with a local college nursing program. They seem to be willing to take me as a transfer student. But then I start to get worried. I have been slowly forgetting what I've learned, meds, skills, pathophysio stuff, etc. Will I be able to catch up and pick up where I left off just like that? Wouldn't it be dangerous to put a person like me back on to the floor? That would only stress me out even more...
So nurses, basically I want to know: is being a nurse any different than being a student nurse? When you see one on the floor, do you envy him/her or do you think "thank goodness I am not a student nurse anymore?" I need to know if my kind of stress would end once school is over or if it would follow me for the rest of the career... And what would you do if you were me? Would you feel that I would be a bad apple in the field, that you would rather me not to consider nursing anymore?
