So, I already started a thread in the recovery forum, but I will start one here as well. That's my official dx. I do not agree with it, but that's what's in the record. I do think I have something not right, but not that (I honestly think I actually have BD.)
This one definitely has a stigma. The weird thing for me is that I am around people all the time that say I do not have BPD. I want people to get to know me as a person. Part of me wants to start a blog. I love writing. My hope is to get people to see me as a person and not a dx. Perhaps change the perception of the BPD dx. I am trying my hardest to make something of myself, not only for my benefit, but to show others that 'yes, you can have this awful scarlet letter on you, but you can still do wonderful things in life.'
Anyone else have the dx of BPD? What do people say to you (or do people even know)?
Jan 19, '13
Borderline and bipolar do overlap in a number of places, so it's entirely possible that you have some combination of the two, or you've flat out been misdiagnosed (like THAT ever happens, lol). Either way, having a mental health diagnosis stinks, and there's stigma no matter what kind you have.
I do feel bad for BPD sufferers though. A former resident of my assisted living community had a particularly nasty version of it, and I couldn't get this man admitted to any psych unit in the state when he decompensated and started threatening suicide, burning himself with his cigarette lighter, cutting himself open on soda cans etc. He'd gone through so many providers that no one would touch him. It took almost six months, but I finally got him into a psych unit just over the state line. I'll never forget the psychiatrist who called me on my personal cell phone, at home, to discuss this poor fellow, and then called me back to let me know that he'd been admitted......it was such a relief to have someone LISTEN for a change, and be willing to help him.
I don't know what became of the guy, because he went to an adult foster care home when he got out of the hospital and then disappeared shortly thereafter. All I know is, it's tough enough living inside my own head sometimes......I can't even imagine the hell he went through living inside his.
Jan 19, '13
Thanks, Viva. The sad thing is that I feel okay now. When I do cry, it's actually at my work situation. I cannot find work in my field. Part of me wants to move on and work on something else that pays the bills (I have clerical experience) and volunteer with my nursing license and work as an MA or something (in TN. Don't have a TN license, therefore, I don't think that they can say I am at risk for using my license.) Like I said before, apparently, my chosen field is not exactly 100% nursing.
I am finding a lot of gaps in mental health care and I want to fix it. If I have to go to school and learn program implementation (an MPH teaches that.) and create and implement my own programs, I will. Maybe take a grant writing class. I am just tired of the status quo and the ignorance with mental health. I have always thought it would be awesome to have mental health scholarships for people who have mental health issues and want to do wonderful things in life. I have found one or two. Not many. Perhaps it's because many people who are "out" with their mental health issues end up in lower end jobs (I am not degrading anyone. Please do not take it that way.)
My dream is (or was as things are starting to go) to work for the CDC or NIH/NIMH (eventually, I want to start out at the health dept) and I once had a therapist/substance abuse counselor tell me that I wouldn't be able to do it or it would be too hard for me/too stressful. I left her. The goal of therapy is to fill in the holes/correct the deficits in order to make the person "whole" again, so they can have a wonderful life and "can do" things in life they want to. Not to tell someone they can't.
I want people with mental health issues to find a place of hope, healing, and a new beginning for a better life.