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- Nov 15, '11 by backtoworkThank you catmom and maelstom 143. You are the exact, very caring, family supportive nurses that made me want to be a nurse in the first place.
You know..it is funny..whenever I give my Mom some of the Ativan topical cream or sublingual Morphine, I chart it in my own self designed documentation record...The hospice does not require for me to do this, but it is so ingrained in me to document reasons for medications, time given and then, relief documentation.. that I feel I must keep this record. It is so weird going from career nurse to lay care giver in this respect. I mean they bring in this ginormous box of controlled substances and say " make sure you keep it in the frig"..that's it. No pixus, no documenting in three places, no counts. I think a lot of my need to document my care for my Mom is based out of fear that the BON nazis could come into my own home and make allegations against me. This is so crazy and yet I feel like I am always the subject of a witch hunt and always will be..long after my 1 year of stips are up.
That being said, I am wondering what shall I do if my Mom is still with me when my BON ordered stips begin in Jan 2012? How do I explain to them that A..I cannot go out and get a job while being the primary care giver for Mom..B. I cannot just hop in the car and go to drop when my color comes up..C. I cannot drive across the state to take the required classes.
I posed these questions to my attorney and he responded by saying the BON does not give one hoot about you, your Mom or your problem with compliance and "perhaps bringing your dying mother home to care for her was not the best choice at this time if you really wanted to keep your NL".. He said he would send them the documentation to prove I could not meet the stips while caring for Mom .but they will most likely suspend my license for non compliance. So ....what have I gained by my legal representation..Same outcome if I had gone it alone..but $6K lighter in the wallet.
Well guess what..next time I will be sure to ask my 96 year old mother to consult with attorney and the BON before she breaks a hip so we can see when the best time for them is...right?
I have read a lot of Jackstem's posts and I agree with his recommendation to seek legal advice..I would just like to say..that this is by no means an antidote to the BON's witch hunt mentality problem.
I know my looking ahead 2 months and asking "what if" is not working the program 1 day at a time, but we are also told we need to make the best choices today for the best outcomes tomorrow. I am really questioning how much I value keeping my license and continuing in healthcare as a licensed professional at this point. I am wondering if working under the BON, restricted or not, is healthy for ANYONE'S recovery..or is it a toxic relationship we have all been told to avoid to maintain our sobriety? The entire system seems so convoluted, random, judgmental, and punitive. (Sounds like a bad marriage..doesn't it?) I wonder how many nurses out there love being a nurse, love the profession, but are no longer willing to deal with the BON system? Is a relationship this toxic really a good thing?
- Nov 18, '11 by backtoworkUpdate..My dear mother passed in our home with my husband and I at her bedside on Thursday morning at 0200. She was comfortable, safe, and loved to her last breath. I am so grateful to God to have had her last precious days with me as her care giver and daughter.
Now, I must look ahead at what is my future. As I said in my last post, my disillusionment and dismay over the health care system I have witnessed in the last 10 days is still present. I am very fortunate my mother has left me a sizable estate and also know I am not going to sit back and not work and drain the funds she worked so hard to save..so..where does my search for employment take me now..my gut tells me to follow the advice of ya'll and my nurse friends to look at dialysis and nursing homes to work off my stips and maintain my license..damaged as it is and always will be. My creative, free spirit says..let that piece go and find a job you can love and respect again..go to Vet tech school and work with animals is a dream I always considered as a partial retirement job..but is it what is best for me and my recovery..I just do not know. Please weigh in if you have any advice on this at all. Luckily, it's not about money..it's about recovery for me and nothing else. I am blessed in this respect. Please tell me if you were I..what would you do?
- Nov 18, '11 by maelstrom143My eyes teared up when I read your above post. I am so very sorry for your family's loss and so very happy that your mother passed in such a dignified manner, surrounded by love and safety. I wish more of our elderly could have such an experience.
As far as your career choices...follow your heart. If you do not need the money that badly, either nursing or vet tech school make good sense. In either one, you will be caring for those that cannot care for themselves, that may be frightened, confused, alone...in either situation your compassionate care will make a difference, if even for one shift. And those patients, at least to me, make all the difference.
Choose the one that you think will support you in your recovery process. God bless and best of luck in your search.
- Nov 19, '11 by TXRN2backtowork- wow- what an experience! i think you should take some time to sort through your feelings, let the dust settle... you've been through a lot. i know it can be very disillusioning, disconcerting when you view nursing, etc from the patient/family member viewpoint. don't let that disillusion you- let it strengthen your resolve to be the best, most compassionate nurse you can be- be the nurse that patients & their family members will love & remember! there are many people who are nurses for the wrong reason- & it shows in the way they treat people. best of luck to you- you did an amazing thing for your mother! God bless you, put your recovery first - the rest will eventually fall in to place!
- Nov 19, '11 by jmo1231Dear Backtowork,so sorry for your loss at least your Mom died with love and support of her family. I am sure you have some difficult decisions to make in the near future. My advice (only because you asked lol) is to not give up Nursing based on the experiences with some in the healthcare field. I know you are in a difficult position but use this experience to help others oneday. The great thing about Nursing it is such a diverse field there are so many different facets to explore. The stips on your license Yes,is an issue, but someone somehow out there will hire you ! Remember you worked hard for your license to throw it all away because of some bad eggs that I know are everywhere not just Nursing.....It wasnt to long ago we all were in negative positions and still are but cant throw it all away. Of course I want to some days as well Believe me! This too shall pass and life will go on but my advice is Dont give up your Nursing License! The profession needs compassionate,caring nurses like you! Deepest sympathy to your loss.
- Nov 21, '11 by backtoworkWow..Thank you so much to all who responded to my query with the kindness and wisdom I have always loved and admired these qualities in our shared profession. I needed that "kick start" to get my head back in the game and to see how fortunate I am to have choices. I read here so often about nurses in our "situation" having so few choices and are facing financial ruin, bankruptcy, and homelessness...I am ashamed of my own whining and have re found my "attitude of gratitude" that I seemed to have misplaced here recently.
Today, I will pull myself up by my bootstraps and hit the job search again with an open mind about all the great direction you have provided me, and any other opportunities which may present.
Let's make sure we keep sharing our combined strength and wisdom on this forum so we can continue to lift each other up in recovery and all of it's blessings. nurse::heartbeat
- Dec 30, '11 by backtoworkI am happy to say I have landed a job with a company who is willing to work with my board stipulations. I am tentatively excited and relieved, but am cautious to not be overly optimistic because I have read so many threads here about nurses, like me, starting the on boarding process.. just to get canned by some corporate type that decides it is not worth the risk of taking on a nurse with a scarred up license...:smackingf..but for now..I am happy and ohh so very grateful :bowingpur.
I had a real eye opener when I called on 2 of my..what I considered "friends/coworkers"..for references who totally knew my entire past and what I had been through with the BON. I had worked with them both for 3 years after the "incident"..(it took that long for the BON investigation and to decide what to do with me).. with no issues what so ever. Both had agreed to give me the references just 3 weeks ago. My new manager called them for my references and they refused to call her back. I confronted them about this and they both stated they did not feel "comfortable" providing a reference for me now that my board stipulations and reason behind them were public on the BON website... They stated that they were "sure" i would understand how they could no longer associate themselves with me professionally at this point..but they still wanted to be "friends. "Wow..that was like taking a punch in the guts!! I maintained my serenity and thanked them anyway..and called 2 other nurse friends/coworkers who gladly gave great references for me.
I begin orientation on 3 Jan and will orient through the different shifts until I land on the 11p-7a shift working PRN until a full-time postion opens. It is not my favorite shift ..but hey..I got my foot in the door to prove myself and that is exactly what I am going to do.
I wanted to post this, not to be boastful, but rather to offer hope to those still looking for jobs, going through the pain and embarrassment of having to disclose our addictions, being turned down over and over, and wondering if there will ever be another nursing job that will take them on. The advice I have received here has helped me so much in facing these challenges and I will be right here continuing the battle for recovery for my self and whomever else cares to read and share in the strength of recovery. God Bless us all..It is a new year coming up and I say it is going to be our best year ever.nurse::heartbeat
- Dec 30, '11 by rngaltxThat is just fantastic!! Congrats my friend! I'm so sorry about your 'friends' who won't associate with you anymore professionally ... You just don't need people like that in your life. I am very happy you found a place in nursing. Keep us posted! I also just saw you post above about mother passing. Please accept my condolences. I went through the exact same thing with one of my parents last year. I'm glad things are looking up!!
- Dec 30, '11 by backtoworkThank you rngaltx..it helps so much to know others have been through this. Thank you for your support.
- Dec 30, '11 by jmo1231Congrats backtowork I am so proud of you! You will be a definite asset to the company and to those of us in recovery. Anyone who doesnt associate with you professionaly or personaly its their loss! I have never met you in person but judging from this forum and your posts you seem like a real sincere person. Good luck to you in your new venture and Happy New Year!