When do you cut off your family?

[lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN]

This may not be the place to post this, but I'm thinking facebook ain't it. I need the anonymity. And advice.

I have parents, a sister, her husband, and niece due in January. My parents live about 5 hours away, and my sister lives about 2500 miles away. Without going into a long explanation, suffice it to say that they are all good people, but it makes me physically ill to be near them. I don't miss them. I'm sad that because of the dynamic, my role in my niece's life will be "her aunt that rarely sees her but buys her the coolest stuff." -my sister's words. Seeing them just reminds me of how alone I am. I'm seriously considering just severing ties. Thoughts?

[sissykim]

That is probably one of the more difficult decisions you will have to make. When you make a decision to detatch from your loved ones, do so in a loving way so there wont be many regrets. I have not had what it takes to love me enough to love them from a selfish stand point. It takes self love to cut a primary relationship off, such as a close family member. Good luck. We all need to do more of saying no, detatch with love and commit to more self love.

[Randomnurse3]

Just remember...Happy is an emotion, not a destination. If more of us knew this fact we would probably be happy more often than not.

How many times have you heard someone say including yourself, I would be so happy if.....

Happy is an emotion, not a destination.

My family lives 10 hours away and I only see them on Christmas. They too sometimes get on my nerves and I dont always answer the phone when they call and I have no kids of my own so I too am the aunt they never see but buys them really cool stuff. If you think you are alone now wait til you cut all ties with the people that have unconditional love for you.

You do what you want....Just saying. Take time to learn who you are and what you want in life and quit trying to keep up with the Jones' to compensate for being alone. I too have done that. You have to find some happiness within yourself and quit blaming the family for your short comings. (Im saying that in a nice but honest way, it is what you wanted)

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

"her aunt that rarely sees her but buys her the coolest stuff."

That sounds like a decent role.

Why not stay in touch but avoid physical proximity?

[lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN]

"her aunt that rarely sees her but buys her the coolest stuff."

That sounds like a decent role.

Why not stay in touch but avoid physical proximity?

Not a decent role to me. If my value to my sister is going to be my checkbook, she can bite me. And I promise you, that is exactly what she meant by that statement.

[Kolohe99]

Seeing them just reminds me of how alone I am. I'm seriously considering just severing ties. Thoughts?

But is avoiding couples because they remind you of your aloneness the best solution? Aren't there better, surer ways to try to minimize those feelings? And why not just try minimizing your proximity to them as Sue suggested? Stay in contact, and DON'T buy cool stuff for the niece. If you do sever ties, and then decide to come back to them, the relationship will most likely not be the same.

I believe that your own well being should have the highest priority in deciding what to do. But does the possible improvement in your feeling of being alone outweigh the certain hurt and disappointment that they will feel if you cut off all ties? Our actions do not take place in a vacuum; "No man is an island".

Having suggested you think seriously before breaking off ties with your family I feel I must make a disclaimer. My wife no longer has any dealings with her stepfather. He is actually the one who "disowned" her; but it was the best thing that ever happened to the DW. The damage that he caused her will be with her the rest of her life. But I don't believe that your father, or your family in general, are in any way similar to that man.

I wish you the best.