The road is tough and long but it does get better

  1. Short synopsis:
    In 2010 I was accused of narcotic diversion d/t my outstanding narcotic discrepancy. It was 67%. I was even in shock because I NEVER took a narcotic from that floor; however, time discrepancy and documentation was enemy or in retrospect, my mental well being was an enemy. To make matters worst, I smoked like a chimney. Nonetheless i tested positive for marijuana.

    It took me 8 months to join the program b/c I was not admitting to taking narcotics; punish me for marijuana... Punish me for poor documentation but I'm not going to be punished for faulty accusations. Mind you I worked trauma, neuro and general surgery ICU ( emergent bedside surgeries every minute).

    No matter the circumstances that got me here, I chose to join the program d/t my marijuana usage which affected my mental well being. I worked the program as hard as i could, i took two minimal wage jobs during that process and hated every moment. You talk about humility. my sponsor said you don't hit rock bottom until you stop digging. My girlfriend was cheating on me while my mind was at its lowest. I was working steps but if nothing changes nothing changes.

    It took 2 attempts to get my license back. During the time the program started making sense. The literature says, "everything is subject to change even the truth." My perception started to change therefore my truth started to change. I caused this unmanageability.
    It took me four months to get a job. I lost my other jobs because I was going on interviews left and right. When the light started becoming dimmer, I got call from a place that was four hrs away. I told the DON all about my situation through the phone and stated that I rather e turn me down than me driving 4hrs away to be told to my face. Needless to say I he appreciated my honesty and hired me PRN.

    I took the job and commuted to my friends house who lived 1.5 hrs away. There were times I slept in my car (oh, I ended the relationship with my girlfriend when all that happened because she was caught cheating the third time). It was hard and times it seemed impossible to finish my year of restriction but I DID IT!! Two
    weeks, the BON called me and said my 1yr restrictions were completed and congrats. 2 days later I got called for an interview and I got the job.
    I'm working two jobs now and I am still attending meetings and meeting with my sponsor because if it wasn't for an active change, I wouldn't appreciate nursing nor the struggle of life on life terms.

    To all my fellow nurses who have similar situations keep fighting, it gets better.
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    About Austin12

    Joined: Nov '12; Posts: 33; Likes: 34


  3. by   applewhitern
    Congratulations! Glad all is well for you now.
  4. by   Nurse_Diane
    Thanks for sharing your story! Congratulations on completing your program!
  5. by   Austin12
    It's journey and far from over. Though this was def. a test that I'm overcoming. One thing that I have learned is I can't do anything alone. Thank you. Hardships shall pass