So I recently celebrated 6 years of sobriety and also completed my contract with the Nevada BON. Within the past month, I have reconnected with my little sister, who I have not spoken to since December 2010, when we parted on bad terms over issues with our mother's death. I also have applied and was just hired as a nursing supervisor at the Department of Corrections - it comes with a better schedule, a 2 min drive to work vs my current 35 min drive and a $25,000 pay raise. Not to mention that it will give me some supervisory experience, of which I have none. I will be supervising a very small staff (one RN, one LPN and a CNA). We have closed the chapter on our foreclosure and it was done so without so much as a thought of drinking or using. I found I am able to have empathy for a woman who I used to have complete hatred for and instead of rejoicing that she is now "one of us", I am able to understand her pain and pray for her to find peace. I have lost 60lbs, gotten off all my medications and went from a "poor me, I have rheumatoid arthritis and can't do anything" person to someone who is training for her first marathon. I am approaching 41 with excitement and feeling better than I did at 20. I can set boundaries these days for myself and keep them. I am able to sit down with my teenage daughter and admit when I am wrong, then ask how I can make it right with her. I can set goals for myself and stick to them. I have kept a job for 5 years......FIVE years. I could barely keep a waitressing job for a year before sobriety. I am able to leave said job on good terms with a blessing from my supervisor as I embark on a new, challenging career. I have friends. I have women in the program who love me. I enjoy being a nurse but it's what's I do, not who I am. I have an identity these days and it's not wrapped up in a license that says "RN" on it. I have found a higher power. I am whole. And when I am not feeling whole, I have a solution. Life is good and for anyone who is just starting out, it gets better....it gets different.....and when life does get crappy, you find you do not have to bury yourself in a pile of pills or a bottle. Or gambling. Or shopping. Or sex. Or television. I list all those because I am a garbage can and will use whatever I can to get out of pain and get out of self. I don't have to do that these days.
I just wanted to post this for anyone who is new to recovery, new to monitoring, p*ssed off at their BON, mad at the world or feels completely lost and hopeless. I found hope. Recovery has given me many things but the most important is hope. Without that, I have nothing. Please stick around - anything is possible and time really does go faster than you can imagine while being on contract. I wouldn't change having been on contract for anything in the world. Without the BON, I would be dead. Fact.
