I need help and a have a few questions...

[sl33y]

I was fired last week for diversion. I am so ****** at myself and can't believe this has happened.

The hospital is not pressing charges against me as they know me and my character and work ethic was great while there, until recently.

I self-reported to my BON and am trying to get into the VRP. They told me that I cannot participate IF I have charges filed against me.

They also stated that the DEA could file charges. Does anyone know what the likelyhood of this happening is? And how long would it take to find out whether or not charges will be filed?

Is 2 months going to go by and all of a sudden cops come arrest me at my house?

I am so screwed and I really need this recovery program to get back on the right track.

[BEDPAN76]

sl33y HEY Don't give up. Every case is different. Please do yourself a favor and get a lawyer. Many give free consultations. Get the yellow pages and start going down the list. Besides, being actively involved right now will help you feel better. You need to get out of the house and find out as much as you can. Hang in there and remember that we all care and are sending best wishes and prayers!:smilecoffeecup:

[sl33y]

Thanks, again for your kind words.

I have an appt with an attorney tomorrow. He said he has to go to Harrisburg soon for another RN he is currently representing, so it seems he has some knowledge of these matters.

He also said that it is possible I could be arrested at any time:(

Anyone know of any non-extraditial countries that are primarily english-speaking?

[pair_of_feet]

sl33y- The DEA generally doesn't prosecute you.it's the state the offense happened in.I am hoping you were kidding about the extradition thing.Don't run and hide. You also have to remember that the BON and your criminal offense have nothing to do with one another. Getting into a program will not make them not prosecute you if they want to. I don't want to scare you anymore than you are,but you need to know this.these two entities have nothing to do with one another.

[sl33y]

I understand that.

If charges are pressed, then I will be kicked out of the recovery program my state has. They advised me that over the phone.

Imagine working real hard for a year and being sober and feeling better about yourself then, all of a sudden, you get arrested.

It would be pretty heartbreaking, IMO.

[jackstem]

Thanks, again for your kind words.

I have an appt with an attorney tomorrow. He said he has to go to Harrisburg soon for another RN he is currently representing, so it seems he has some knowledge of these matters.

He also said that it is possible I could be arrested at any time:(

Anyone know of any non-extraditial countries that are primarily english-speaking?

Are you going to enter treatment? Do you have a therapist to help you develop effective coping strategies? Is this the first time you've been through this? Is there more going on than what you've shared here?

There are thousands of nurses who have done far worse and have not been arrested. I strongly suggest you have an evaluation performed by a board certified addictionologist and follow their recommendations. Your narrow focus on the possibility of arrest is concerning and suggests there is more going on here than meets the eye. Start attending AA and NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings today! The number for the central office for each organization can be found in the Yellow pages.

I hope your last question was an attempt at humor. Running away will only make things worse and delay the inevitable. You say you have children. They love you and need you in their lives. This is the time to lead by example. My children were confused and angry at first. But as I became healthy by working my program of recovery, they came to realize I wasn't an evil person, I had a disease and I was taking the steps necessary to get healthy. It took me three times through treatment before I finally "got it". 18 years after I began this journey, I am happier today than at any other time in my life. Both of my daughters told me the same thing...they love and respect the man I am today BECAUSE of all that I went through. I'm grateful to be alive and I have focused my professional life on assisting other health care professionals dealing with this disease. And I want you to understand one thing...THIS IS A DISEASE! We have abundant scientific data on the pathophysiology. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON TRYING TO BECOME GOOD...YOU ARE ILL AND TRYING TO BECOME WELL! Despite this increase in knowledge and understanding, the majority of health care professionals still don't understand this disease. So you can't pay attention to the numerous folks who still see this as a lack of willpower and moral bankruptcy. It's a brain disease that is manifest in abnormal behaviors focused on obtaining and using your "drug of choice". Treatment works. Long term recovery is possible...I'm living proof. At the peak of my disease (or depth) I was injecting sufentanil IV in an equivalent dose of 150 mg of morphine every 3 hours. With proper treatment (inpatient followed by intensive outpatient) and the willingness to do whatever it takes to remain clean and sober, I have surpassed 13.5 years of recovery. If I can come back from the edge of the abyss, so can you! Take action today.

Based on your post, I'm assuming you are in Pennsylvania. If so, follow this link to learn about the Voluntary Recovery Program (VRP).

http://www.dos.state.pa.us/phmp/cwp/view.asp?a=1340&q=447597

Here is their statement regarding the purpose of the program:

To be eligible for VRP enrollment, a licensee must agree to enter into a consent agreement with the licensing board for a period of no less than three years. The consent agreement stipulates that disciplinary action, including suspension or revocation, will be deferred so long as the licensee adheres to the terms and conditions of the agreement and maintains satisfactory progress in the program.

It goes on to explain that if you follow the plan designed for you by the board and successfully complete the program, there will be no public record of the incident that led to your enrollment in the program, or your time in the program.

The longer you wait, the worse things will become. Being proactive will show the board you are willing to do what it takes to deal with this disease and the consequences.

You are NOT alone. Based on conservative statistics, there are between 18,000 - 21,000 impaired nurses in Pennsylvannia alone. If you want to contact me by email, I can provide you with a contact person in Pennsylvania that will be able to provide you with information specific to your state.

Jack

[jackstem]

I understand that.

If charges are pressed, then I will be kicked out of the recovery program my state has. They advised me that over the phone.

Imagine working real hard for a year and being sober and feeling better about yourself then, all of a sudden, you get arrested.

It would be pretty heartbreaking, IMO.

And if you are using the principles of recovery that you will gain during treatment, you'll be able to deal with that heartbreak. If you continue to focus on the potential negatives of every possible scenario instead of beginning the process and following the guidance from folks who have been there, a less than desirable outcome is guaranteed! The longer you wait, the more frightened you'll become.

Read my last post again.

Jack

[sl33y]

I have read every page of that (PA BON VRP/DMU) website.

I am not so worried about the charges themselves, rather finding work after you have a record like that.

Your right... I haven't divulged everything. I don't usually talk about ANYTHING with ppl (one of my biggest problems). Here goes....

When I was in the army, overseas in Germany, I was working as a Med Spec in an ER. I diverted then and got caught. I was stupid and the army actually took it easy on me. They gave me a General Under Honorable Conditions Discharge. No time served or anything.

However, if the DEA or DA office finds out about this I feel that it will show that I am making the same mistakes and I won't get a chance to participate in the VRP program.

I thought I was finally done with this problem, but I was wrong.

I am a new nurse (graduated in April 2008). I finished top in my class with a 3.8 GPA and recieved the Academic Excellence Award. I also was granted scholarships thru the hospital here that only 1 person from my class recieved.

I am not a bad person, just sick that needs to get well. My wife has about had it with me and that is also on shaky ground.

I have an appt with an attorney tom and one with a drug counselor for eval on Friday.

Thanks for your insight, Jack.

[myownworstenemy]

Sl33y,

This is NOT the end of the world! You aren't even sure if there WILL be charges yet. IF you are called by a DEA investigator (and it could be months down the road, if at all) - take your lawyer to the meeting with you - you will probably have a better outcome. You are doing the right things now with the eval and the atty. consult. Please continue with the VRP entrance, you don't have charges yet and if you do later, they will probably transfer you to the DMU. Yes, it will probably be harder to get a job but NOT impossible! Also, look on the VRP/DMU website, there is a section that lists professional support groups - it helps alot to be able to talk face to face with others who have been there. And, as I think someone else advised you here, find a local NA meeting and get started. Print yourself a group meeting attendance sheet from the VRP website under forms/documents and get it signed so you have proof of attendance. You WILL get through this thing ONE DAY AT A TIME. EVERYONE makes mistakes so please don't be so hard on yourself, my heart goes out to you because I have been where you are. You worked very hard to get your degree so please don't give up! Keep posting because there is lots of support for you on the recovery boards and if you would prefer to talk privately maybe we can figure something out.

[sl33y]

Thanks for that!

I am trying to keep my head up and hope and pray that everything works out.

[jackstem]

I have read every page of that (PA BON VRP/DMU) website.

I am not so worried about the charges themselves, rather finding work after you have a record like that.

Your right... I haven't divulged everything. I don't usually talk about ANYTHING with ppl (one of my biggest problems). Here goes....

When I was in the army, overseas in Germany, I was working as a Med Spec in an ER. I diverted then and got caught. I was stupid and the army actually took it easy on me. They gave me a General Under Honorable Conditions Discharge. No time served or anything.

However, if the DEA or DA office finds out about this I feel that it will show that I am making the same mistakes and I won't get a chance to participate in the VRP program.

I thought I was finally done with this problem, but I was wrong.

I am a new nurse (graduated in April 2008). I finished top in my class with a 3.8 GPA and recieved the Academic Excellence Award. I also was granted scholarships thru the hospital here that only 1 person from my class recieved.

I am not a bad person, just sick that needs to get well. My wife has about had it with me and that is also on shaky ground.

I have an appt with an attorney tom and one with a drug counselor for eval on Friday.

Thanks for your insight, Jack.

A couple more thoughts my friend.

I thought I was finally done with this problem

It's a chronic, progressive, potentially fatal disease. Even when you don't use, it's still there waiting. PET scans verify the areas of the brain affected by mood altering substances will respond to cues even after more than 2 decades of clean time. You can never "be done". Vigilance is the hallmark of prolonged recovery.

I am a new nurse (graduated in April 2008). I finished top in my class with a 3.8 GPA and recieved the Academic Excellence Award. I also was granted scholarships thru the hospital here that only 1 person from my class recieved.

Intelligence and training will not protect any of us from this disease, just as intelligence and training won't protect an oncologist from getting cancer or a cardiologist from developing heart disease.

Intelligence CAN prevent us from obtaining and maintaining recovery. One of my favorite counselors when I was in treatment told me after I relapsed..."Jack, no one is too stupid to get this program, but there are plenty of people too smart to get it...and they usually end up dead."

Chemical dependence results when a susceptible individual is exposed to the right substance in the right amount for the right amount of time under the right circumstances. Once the disease is triggered, there is no going back. The number one reason people with other chronic illnesses end up in the hospital (a relapse) is because they don't follow their treatment plan. We call them non-compliant. It's no surprise then that recovering addicts relapse when they don't follow their treatment plan. Unfortunately, some of us don't get that until some really bad things happen in our lives.

I am no longer licensed. I was an ER nurse and then a nurse anesthetist. Today, I'm the senior peer advisor and chair of the peer assistance and practitioner wellness committee for Ohio's CRNAs. These aren't paid positions. So, I started my own consulting business.

There are plenty of positions available that don't require direct patient care. Telephone triage, case management, education, consulting, etc. You might even consider becoming a chemical dependency nurse and/or counselor. Use your experiences to help colleagues avoid what we've gone through, or to guide them through the process.

As for your marriage...I'm divorced twice. The first time because of my disease. The second, because of her developing disease and refusal to do anything about it.

I also have a daughter who celebrated 2 years of recovery from cocaine addiction and anorexia/bulemia. I wouldn't have been able to help her without having gone through all the garbage I did as a result of this disease. You have been blessed in ways you can't see right now. Focus on the next right thing to do for your recovery. Everything else will go the way it's supposed to. Without recovery, you have nothing.

Contact me anytime.

Jack

[sl33y]

Thanks, Jack.

Wow, to make it thru a CRNA program and now not be licensed- that's tough. I feel for you.

CRNA was what I wanted to do, but not now. No way can I be around that all day!

Again, it is somewhat comforting knowing others are going thru the same thing I am. It's also funny you mentioned to work as an RN in a drug rehab type setting. That may be the perfect thing for me!

Whatever the outcome, I am greatful for all of your input and am praying that I can keep my license and be clean for life.....

[chaotic]

sl33y, I was recently in a similar position that you are. I was confronted at work for diverting and stealing a prescription and given the option to resign without charges pressed. I am still sitting on pins and needles knowing there is a chance I will be arrested tomorrow because I know that there are 2 detectives at my local police station (thanks to an anonymous tip they recieved) that are aware of what I did. It is just the question, are they going to pursue charges against me. I have a lawyer waiting on the backburner just in case it were to happen. I pray to God every day that it doesn't happen. However, I can't let it keep me from moving forward which is what you need to do. After I was confronted at work I immediately contacted the BON and referred myself to my state's nurses assistance program. Luckily, I had already been in treatment for 2 weeks. There are no charges against you right now so you need to get yourself into your states program for nurses right away. Also, get yourself into treatment ASAP. Make an appointment with a licensed addictions counselor. The sooner the better!!! I tell you, that was the only thing that saved my a$$. Because of the fact that I was already in treatment and self referred myself to the monitoring program, the BON actually dismissed the complaint against me as long as I stay in the NAP program for 3 years with no problems.

Believe me, I understand where you are and feel for you but you don't know what will happen tomorrow or even in an hour from now so you must go on with your life and do what you need to do to save your life. The only person that can do it is you. It is agonizing, I know, but you must act now and get yourself into treatment!!! I have a long history of addiction and I don't care who you are....if you are using drugs it will catch up to you and ruin your life. You will never be able to use any drugs again, just take it one day at a time. I have finally come to terms with the fact, after 15 years, that I must stay clean and sober if I want to live a good and productive life. I also realize that as an addict, for me, that I can't have a job where I have access to narcotics. At least not right now. Maybe further along in my recovery.

Also, even if you do go to jail, it won't be the end of the world. I know the thought of it is horrible but people can pick up the pieces of such a mess and get their lives back together. It will suck but it's not impossible. I know of doctors and other nurses that have gotten felony drug charges for fraudulently obtaining drugs but they are now in recovery and are still working. My primary care doctor is a recovering addict in the physicians assistance program. So there is hope!! Your life is not over but you have to move forward in a positive light.

Best of luck to you!!