How to Acheive Balance?

Nurses Recovery

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I am one year into a five year contract. I am having a struggle and I haven't done a good job of finding a solution to it. I'm hoping to pick the brains of people who have been in monitoring quite a while and see what tips you guys may have.

I feel like every single thing I do in my free time, and I mean almost everything, is geared towards recovery and compliance with my contract. And I'm not saying that it's not needed...but at the end of the day, I have next to no time for myself or my family.

I'm wondering how you all carve out time where you can set aside thinking about your addiction or whatever got you into monitoring, to just BE...be quiet, be still, go out to dinner with friends, family, whatever.

I work four 8 hour shifts a week as a nurse...and I have to commute 2 hours each way because that was literally the closest hospital system that would hire me with my restrictions. And I am very grateful for that. But...

I am mandated 3 NA/AA meetings a week, 2 Cadeusus meetings a month, a weekly 3 hour IOP course every week (yes, they won't drop it even at a year in), bimonthly individual therapy, monthly psychiatry, and weekly meetings with my sponsor. Plus I drive 2 hours round trip for my drug tests, which average weekly.

When you toss that in with me being unavailable the 12 hours that I'm at work/commuting four days a week, you can see how this can feel overwhelming.

While the support is invaluable for my particular addiction, I also need to spend time with the people and things that make me want to STAY clean and sober.

Oh wise ones, how do you find the balance?

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WOW PIXIE!!! I don't know the terms and conditions of the program in your state but here the weekly support meeting starts to fall off after a while. It's done in two years. After that "all" I have is the DAUs, the meetings and reports. It seems logistically you spend a huge amount of time in the car. Can this be rectified while you are in the program. If you are driving two hours away to complete all your many tasks would it be possible to move closer to all the stuff you need to do. Of course I think all these requirements are simply crazy they are a reality and they aren't going anywhere for four more years which is many hours you can be spending with your family instead of driving. I wish you well I have a little over two years left and it seems like an eternity your amount of time left must drive you to distraction. Good luck Pixie!!!

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WOW PIXIE!!! I don't know the terms and conditions of the program in your state but here the weekly support meeting starts to fall off after a while. It's done in two years. After that "all" I have is the DAUs, the meetings and reports. It seems logistically you spend a huge amount of time in the car. Can this be rectified while you are in the program. If you are driving two hours away to complete all your many tasks would it be possible to move closer to all the stuff you need to do. Of course I think all these requirements are simply crazy they are a reality and they aren't going anywhere for four more years which is many hours you can be spending with your family instead of driving. I wish you well I have a little over two years left and it seems like an eternity your amount of time left must drive you to distraction. Good luck Pixie!!!

I would move in a heartbeat, except when I was unemployed and had no money to pay for this program, my in-laws did something OUT OF THIS WORLD and bought my husband and I a modest house 5 minutes from them. We couldn't afford basic rent between my inability to find a non-nursing job (I did eventually and made $700/month), the cost of paying for my own insurance since I lost mine when I lost my job, and all the costs of recovery. So they bailed us out and bought the house and we pay minimal rent to them, which they are actually putting into a college fund for our kids.

So unfortunately/fortunately, I can't relocate because I have an essentially free house. I would absolutely not have made it this far in the program if my in-laws hadn't completely bailed me out. They are quite wealthy but very philanthropic with their money. The house will be ours in their will.

For what it's worth, their oldest son battled a heroin addiction over ten years ago and they helped him out too. He's been clean ever since, so addiction was not new to them sadly. Yes, they bought him a house as well. They lost their middle son to a car wreck. The youngest child, my husband, had a drunk and disorderly in college, so we are not quite the fine upstanding children they deserve...they are amazing people and better to me than my own blood (and I don't mean just financially either).

Anyway, because of the house situation, we are firmly tied where we are. We are just so rural that it's a hike to any medical facility. I'm forever grateful for them, but in this present situation, it leaves me in a significant time pickle.

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Specializes in OR.

I moan, groan and complain about the intrusiveness of these programs into our daily lives on a regular basis. We've discussed in other threads about how coerced recovery is not recovery at all. So much of the requirements of these programs are simple coercion. Regardless of why we are here we have to play their games because they hold our livelihoods by the cojones. We've also discussed how the place of these programs is to determine whether we are safe to practice. Forced attendance at various meetings and groups have nothing to do with ensuring safe practice. The program controlling your every waking hour has no relevance to safe practice.

That being said, I totally see where you are coming from. You pose a very good question. i have been at this for nearly 4 years and have not yet figured how how to take my life back. I do not have near the obligations you do (I have the AA meetings. I go but i stubbornly refuse to participate.) It is still difficult to make any move without this stupid stuff intruding in some manner.

I truly fear that even when this is done and i have literally set fire to everything related to IPN (invites to that bonfire will be forthcoming, it will be a BYOM*affair) i will still have trouble getting them out of my head.

*bring your own marshmallows

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Harry Potter books on Audible :). (for the drive).

I found that the first 1-2 years in recovery felt like all of my time was given to someone else (and never to the ones I deemed important). As it turned out all of the recovery things I felt consumed by were actually *for* them.

There are a lot of folks who don't care for these programs...while I despise feeling intruded upon I also recognize that it has made me stronger in my recovery. I chose early on that I could either be consumed by or conquer this 5 year contact.

It felt for the first two years that I was rushing from here to there, terrified of messing up, feeling guilty, sheesh.

Now it's routine. There are some things you can't help for now (time to UAs, length of drive to work, meetings) but you can make the most out of the drive and give yourself some enjoyment and reprieve from the hectic pace (and your own intrusive thoughts).

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It seems to me that when a person is down, sick and needs help when somebody reaches out and gives of themselves to help with compassion that leaves a lasting mark in the recipient of that help unless they are immoral or plain dumb. What you in laws did was fantastic. I would remember that love and compassion till they stuck me in the dirt and it would impact the choices I made in life.

We are nurses this is what we are supposed to do. When someone is down, sick and too hurt or too lost to help themselves we are supposed to reach out a hand and help our fellow brothers and sisters in pain. Compare that to what these BONs and the caring individuals in the rehab industry have done to many of us. Instead of helping they seem intent on breaking us professionally, emotionally and financially just because they can. All of this has left a mark. I will never look at my fellow nurse in the same way. If the people who have risen to the top of our profession seem hell-bent on hurting instead of helping what does that say about us? I loved being an ER Nurse and nursing. Now I see it as just a job that I need to pay my bills

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Specializes in OR.

To add insult to this injury, I poured my entire identity into being a nurse. Now IPN's antics have made me ashamed of what my profession can do to others. I feel like my identity of "nurse" is not much to be proud of in some cases. Without the identity of something I used to be so proud of, I am not sure what I have left. I am having to start over from the bottom up, finding out what and who catsmeow really is.

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Hang in there. I know it has to be difficult, my monitoring hasn't even started yet and I'm dreading it already.

I drive approx 1 hour to work ( at a dialysis clinic) which is 2 hours in the road everyday so I can definately relate there.

I downloaded a couple of apps on my phone to listen to on the way to and from work , one is Joyce Meyer. If God is your "higher power" I recommend Joyce Meyer. If not, find some audio books . It really helps me to focus on something else besides my recovery for while.

This forum is such a great support group, we all can be there for each other .

Stay strong , wishing you the best!

:-)

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I totally second the recommendations for audio books! I signed up for audible.com, NOT for the monthly fee, though, I just created an account there. Actually now that I think about it I think it's tied to your amazon account. I listen to audio books through my iPhone whenever I am in the car. I've found that if you buy the kindle version of the book first on amazon, then the audible.com cost is much lower. Makes no sense but buying both the kindle version plus the audible version of the book is cheaper than what they would've charged you for the audible version alone. Wjen you buy a book on amazon.com there is usually an option to buy both versions at the same time. If you go out to audible.com you can see the prices audio books by themselves.

I've listened to all the Harry Potters, Games of Thrones, several Stephen King books, Outlander etc. I won't even get in the car without starting up my latest audio book!

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