Quote from TXRN2
just wondering- was there a reason they changed you from being board ordered to going into TPAPN?
I feel a bit reluctant to just put it all out there, but I want to see what you guys think. Maybe I can get some words of advice. So here it goes...
I received a controlled substance charge when I was 17. The sad part is that it wasn't even mine. I found out who my real friends were quickly and was never around that stuff again.
I went on with my life wanting to do something great. I remembered the nursing profession had a huge impact on my life. Long story short, I was in a car accident where everyone in the back seat was ejected out of the back window. I was life flighted, and woke up in the ICU days later, with my jaws wired shut, to a nurse taking care of me and assuring me I was going to be ok. I decided that's what I want to do with my life. I wanted to give back the nursing care I once had received and wanted to make that great impact on someone else's life as that nurse has done for me (little did I know my past from when I was 17 was still going to haunt me).
I graduated nursing school with honors (8 years after the charge) and was board ordered for a year (UAs and quarterly evals) due to the charge that happened when I was 17.
I found a great job right out of nursing school. I had it made (so I thought). I was doing great 9 months in on board orders, had a great job with great reviews from the docs, patients, and admin (and was even nominated for employee if the month- I know, big deal? But, at that time, still considered a new nurse, it was a big deal to me), I had a loving boyfriend, we got our own place in a hip part of town, went to the nicest restaurants, went shopping and hung out with friends frequently. Then my boyfriend proposed to me. I was living the good life. I felt like I was on top of the world. We had so many great future plans, everything was looking up for us.
We went to go have a celebration dinner with the parents and I made a life changing decision. I wanted to be a part of this celebratory toast. I wanted to celebrate our plans to be with each other for the rest of our lives. I had 2 glasses of wine with dinner. I rationed that I wasn't doing anything more than any other outstanding citizen and that I would be ok. Wrong. Tested the next morning and days later received a notice in the mail that I was positive for etg.
I have to say it is one of the most, if not the most regretful decisions I have ever made. I spiraled through all the stages of grief. I felt my life was over. I had this constant feeling of impending doom. There was always a tightness in my chest. I couldn't believe that something that happened when I was 17 is haunting me this bad and holding me back from being successful. There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought about what a ****** person I am. I'd say just having to await my fate for an unknown amount of time and unsuccessfully looking for menial jobs is punishment enough. I was at my all time low.
Now, 4 months later, I'm 3 weeks into my part time job making 1/3 of what i was making and I'm finally getting my letter from tpapn. I'm slowly crawling out of this dark hole I was in and hoping for the best.