Soul searching (pardon my rambling)

[ixchel]

I'm having some major indecision and am trying to choose a good path for myself. For years now, midwifery has been my passion. I have wanted it. I have worked for it. I have envisioned myself delivering babies. It has been my world.

However, lately, responsibility has been creeping in. I have a young family, and when I consider the reality of what the CNM program will require of me, I worry that the uphill battle will leave me stressed out, with kids that will never see me, and without any ability to get work when I'm done. My husband isn't willing to relocate and household responsibilities generally fall on my shoulders. I'll be working full time as an RN during school, and my preceptorship will require I travel at least an hour away. I'm not sure I'll be able to do it all. And for all of that work, when I am done, I know I wont be able to find work locally. My dream is a fools quest at this point in my life. What a hard, hard realization to come to. But, it's better now, than halfway through the program.

So I'm looking at FNP at a local university. It's nice to know I'll be a in a face-to-face program, although the hours will make it difficult to work, too, but with less commuting time and with an in-state tuition bill, I think this will be good for me. FNP also seems to have a lot of flexibility, which I obviously like.

What I'm wondering is how often an FNP might find placement in pediatrics. I know that there are PNP programs out there. I actually considered finding one online, but I'm liking so much the idea of going to school locally that I do think I'll stick with FNP.

I haven't even fully decided that pediatrics would be the direction I want to go. Are any of you FNPs in private practice? Did you find it difficult to get started? Were you already in practice for awhile first?

How about the push for DNP in 2015? If I begin a program in 2014, does that make me grandfathered in to work at the masters level? I emailed my school about that and am waiting to hear back, but any thoughts the community here might be able to share would be great. My school does have a DNP program which is designed to be taken by those who are working at the same time. The program looks like it takes nearly 3 years, on top of the roughly 3 years that one would spend in the masters program. Most MSN and DNP programs are shorter, but go year round, right? I believe mine breaks for winter and summer.

Anyway, pardon my rambling. This has been a major change of heart on my part and I'm in unfamiliar territory. It's weird going from a very set mind, to somewhat suddenly changing it.

If anyone has any thoughts or experiences, please share! Would love some guidance, and honestly, reassurance that I'm moving in the right direction-- not that strangers on the internet could know that for sure!

[ktliz]

You are not a nurse yet, correct? If that's the case, my advice is to get through nursing school and then figure out where to go from there. I say this because you sound a lot like me... somewhat Type-A and very much a "planner," wanting to have your path mapped out and thinking that if you gather enough info, you will be able to choose the right path. What I have found is that there's only so much you can plan for. Although it's great to have a goal in mind, feelings and circumstances inevitably change along the way--which you've already learned. :) The details tend to work themselves out.

In my case, I became interested in nursing while finishing my degree in psychology. I was absolutely enamored with midwifery but had reservations about the reality of the career. Nevertheless, I took the plunge and started nursing school with the idea that I could do psych nursing if midwifery wasn't for me. Now, I'm finishing up nursing school and considering doing my internship in intensive care. Never in a MILLION years would I have thought I would like the ICU! It's just the kind of stuff you can't plan for, haha.

Anyway, my point is, don't get hung up on details too far down the line. Keep doing your research because it's important to know your options, but keep in mind that they are just options. Take things one step at a time and you'll eventually end up where you are supposed to be. You know you want to be a nurse, right? That's good enough for now.

[ixchel]

Nope, not a nurse yet. My husband is saying the same thing-- get through school then figure it out. You hit the nail on the head, though. I am totally a planner! But I'm not a planner who is rigidly attached to those plans. I know my path will evolve over time. I've literally been reading allnurses all day as I've had down time. I've been a bit nervous that I might regret choosing a different path, or that I might feel resentment for not being able to follow my dreams. The more I read, though, the more I think I'll be happy as an FNP. I know I'll be happier being employable! lol. Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement!

[mammac5]

I am much the same way...I always want to start with a plan, keeping in mind that the plan will require tweaking along the way.

When you have children and a husband to consider, flexibility on your part is very important. Your husband doesn't want to relocate, so your job prospects are limited to your current area - FNP is broad enough that you can find a job just about anywhere. You may not want to be away from your own children overnight or for open-ended periods of time when working as a CNM - again, FNP will likely get you the work schedule you want with your family situation.

Get through nursing school and you will find a new passion along the way. Maybe you'll hate your peds rotation and you will find out you love geriatrics. Who knows...but be open to tweaking the plan along the way.

[tyloo]

I am not an FNP but wanted to tell you to just relax and enjoy the nursing journey. I wanted to share my brief nursing career and what I initially thought I wanted before school, during school, and after school is really not what I got.

Before I started nursing school I thought I would specialize in pediatrics and maybe become a PNP one day- found out I hated it! During nursing school I fell in love with the psych rotation. I thought to myself after a year of doing med-surg I would do get into that. For whatever reason I have not had a psych job yet. I went on a three interviews specifically for a psych position. One was at a psych hospital for kids and adolescents and I felt so out of place there (didn't get it nor wanted it)! The second was at my community hospital and per policy they went by seniority for hiring (was listed as an internal position). Now it has been ten years in nursing as a RN. You know the past few years I would have these moment thinking, "I need to go into psych maybe I should pursue it again," and the thoughts would be fleeting- lasting a couple of hours or a day and then I would go on a couple of months again not thinking about it. I recently visited a friend in the psych hospital and you know what it dawned on me that I no longer have the passion for it! I looked around and thought, "eh...I think I'm over it."

I love geriatrics. I love complicated medical cases. I have worked telemetry, dialysis, med surg, and now at a long term acute care hospital. I am where I need to be and certainly has not been where I thought I should have been.

I love working with other nurses and supporting them. Right now I am going back to school as an Adult Health CNS and hopefully can continue on with some sort of plan in that direction but you know what I just know in my heart I will be where I should be anyways!!

Good luck to you!!