Why do mean/crabby people become nurses??

Nurses Relations

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I work in a large busy ED so I have many co-workers, many of whom I love and some who just make me feel like my head is going to explode. There are a handful who are downright nasty people, and it just makes me wonder why a person like that would become a nurse! Does being rude and obnoxious to patients and co-workers make them feel good?? Do they go home at night and count the amount of people they brought to tears and feel good about that? I can't help feeling bad for their families, I have to wonder if they are rude to their families as well...

One particular nurse really gets under my skin not only for her rudeness, but she is so hypocritical. She can do no wrong, but she will look for any reason to pick on another nurse. She literally picks apart charts and asks a hundred million questions during report i.e. "this patient's sodium is 146! What are we going to do about this?? Did you talk to the doctor???" When she takes AM report, she will not let the night nurse go until every single order has been completed.

She once made me stay until a pt's AM fingerstick had been done regardless of the fact that there was not a single other outstanding order, and the pt was NPO so would not have gotten coverage anyway, but when she gives PM report she leaves outstanding orders to do and says "well, I'm done, I'm going home, I've been here all day, you will have to do that now" The other day one pt had repeat labs due 2 hours previously to check potassium - he had come in with a K+ of 2.4, which she had never mentioned to me during report. When I pointed out that she had not done those labs, she said "oh, well you will have to ask a PCA to do that" Eventually I got the labs done, and the lab called me with a critical result of K+ 2.5. I got really nervous, since she had never told me it was low initially, and I had to start sifting trough charts only to discover it had been low the whole time...

Then yesterday, she gave me report and says "oh, I was told this pt's urine was sent, but I see the lab has not run the tests. You will have to follow up with lab, or resend the specimen" So I tried to give her a dose her of her own treatment, and I responded that she would have to do it, since the urine tests were ordered 3 hrs ago. She got so huffy and started in on how rude I am, and do we want to take this up to management?? I said, "no, I don't see a need to involve management, this is something you should have done and it wasn't done"

Luckily, just then the tests showed up as "received" by lab in the computer, so the situation didn't escalate, but she made sure to stop by before leaving and tell me again how rude she thinks I am, and how she didn't appreciate my speaking to her that way. I have been so bothered by this, her behavior is so childish and silly, it's all about her and I even pointed out to her that she had done the exact same thing to me with the fingerstick I had not done, but she was too blind to see her own hypocracy.

Anyway, that is my vent. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!! Do you work with similar types of people?

yes, i have been a lpn for 4 years and before that acna for 11 yrs. I work in nursing homes and behavioral units with pts. alot older than me and younger too. I have always been very compassionate, but not much confidence in myself. ive been working at a nursing home that is run like a skilled hospital. I have only been there 4 months.] and have learned alot but alot of the nurses love to make you feel stupid or act llike they r bothered for yo to ask them how to do something that you r not familiar with. I always thought nurses would be compassionate and loving not out to demean a new nurse in the facility. I got in a arguent with a nurse who did help me alot but see wirj s days and im on the night shift. she had before worked 2 to 10. Since she has wored on days she comes in late., one day she was an hour late and i made a comment about it and two other nurses, one that works with me who has a power problem and the day shift nurse who has an attitude problem heard this and this morning the late nurse sarted mouth ing to me in the hall and i had had enough and she said say something to my face and i did. and we both started mouthling. i said why did you start in front of workers and pts. and she would not go out side to talk to me. now i cant go back to work until i talk to the don. i onlytook up for myself and these nurses are evil and i just dont know how to deal with it. I seriously thought people who were nurses were the people with the big hearts not the big attitudes. Help.

I've been a restaurant manager, furniture store salesperson, waitress, worked in retail, managed a mental facility and much more. I've done so many things and theres always been miserable people at them all. Some people are miserable. Yet, miserable people need jobs. Some of them have jobs as nurses. And bus drivers. And nannies.

My sister is a teacher and she tells stories of teachers who don't even teach. You'd think teachers would... teach, if nothing else. No. They are just miserable with the kids and sit at their desk.

Nothing shocks me. Miserable people have been around since 1321. What can you do?

Specializes in Hospice / Ambulatory Clinic.

I think everyone should read this book or some variant of it. "When Nurses Hurt Nurses: Overcoming the Cycle of Nurse Bullying" by Cheryl Dellasega, PhD, RN, CRNP

I'm getting tired of nurses like this. Nurses who want me to go over every single thing in the orderset even though we used standard orders and I give report on the variations. Nurses who show up very late and then have the office call me at home over some little thing that was already covered in report or is not pertinent to patient care.

Specializes in Emergency Room.
for the same reason irritable people go into any other job. why is there this expectation that nurses must never be subject to the same frailties that everyone else may have? they're people. i've had co-workers snap at me, and i have done plenty of barking myself.

it's a stressful job, and you can't be perfect.

this is not directed at the op, but honestly, i get a little irritated with this whole "nurses must be sweet" business. to me, that is code for a nurse who lets herself get run over by patients, co-workers, physicians, etc. they would never stand up for themselves in an assertive manner, because that isn't "sweet."

i have to politely disagree with your view. yes, co-worker bullying takes place in all environments and there are mean people everywhere, but i would hope to god that only someone with a heart would become a nurse!!

especially working in ed where people come in scared, in pain, not knowing what to expect, etc. you cannot start giving people an attitude when they ask questions, or when they are asking for pain meds, or when they are sometimes difficult to deal with. i am far from a perfect nurse but being professional and courteous towards my patients is my #1 goal. if i have a difficult patient i will vent to another nurse outside the room, and away from the patient.

going into this profession comes with a certain amount of expectation to at least be civil and respectful to patients and family members. if a nurse cannot even muster the energy to do that, it's time to move on...

My first question to you, is how long has this other nurse been practicing? I am guessing, she is one of the more seasoned nurses, and you may be newer??? Just a guess.

I have experienced the same throughout my practice several times. Have you ever heard of the expression, "Nurses eat their young?" This is a prime example...

Also...the curriculum that is now being taught is a 'caring curriculum' compared to the curriculum of 'hard-core nursing skill taught by Nuns is starched uniforms'...lol...hence the expression of Nurse Ratched...

I have found there was no way to win with the "hags" I didn't like...so I moved on and am a lot happier where I am...sometimes it takes finding your voice..good luck

Specializes in Emergency Room.

Thank you for all the support, advice, suggestions... This has been bothering me for a few days and I definitely feel better about it now.

I spoke to my manager, and he had my back 100%. This nurse has a reputation for being this way because people do not stand up to her, so he was very happy that I had. (Regarding the AM fingerstick, he had said that 7AM fingersticks is a myth created by day shift so it is done on our time (there is no actual MD order for fingersticks, just an order for coverage). In reality, it should be done right before breakfast, which sometimes doesn't come until 9:30-10, in which case the 7AM fingerstick is irrelevant, but whatever.)

Here's another tidbit just to show how self-centered and outlandish Nurse Bully is... I spoke with my friend (another nurse co-worker) about the situation, and she shared the following incident with me - She had been on orientation, and had been placed to orient with The Bully for a day. They received a patient who was severely hypotensive and very sick. Immediately the attending ordered several fluid boluses. Nurse Bully said to her orientee "do not ever administer anything without an order. He will have to write an order for those fluids, and hand you the chart before you can give them" My friend was confused but did as her preceptor said. The MD came back a few minutes later and saw no fluid had been given so he approached my friend. She said "well, nurse Bully said I couldn't give them without an order" Keep in mind, this is an ED, a critical situation where the patient is decompensating fast! So the MD turns to nurse Bully and she defends herself saying "well you didn't give me the order" So he responds to her in the middle of the hallway: "Are you crazy?!?! This is a critical situation and this person will die!! You are psychotic and you need help!!" :yelclap::yeah:

Just so you understand the extent of what happened here, the MD that yelled at her is an amazingly calm, cool and collected guy. I have never seen him raise his voice to ANYONE and I work with him a lot. He has the patience of a saint. He remains calm even in the most critical and hectic situations. And he is a damn good doctor. I can say I have seen him upset ONCE and even then he did not raise his voice or disrespect anyone. He has always been one of my favorites for this reason, but last night his bar was raised so high when I heard this :w00t:

Specializes in Emergency Room.
Who knows, maybe she was nice once, then became a grouchy bossy butt. Or, speaking of butts, maybe none of her undies fit anymore and she walks around with a giant mega wedgie and she tears out so fast because she can't hardly stand it anymore.

:lol2::yeah::lol2::yeah:

This made me laugh so hard especially when I pictured her running out and picking her monster wedgie!!!!!

I am so sick of people saying that "life gets in the way" Sorry but I have a right to vent here too. Just because someone has a bad day or week, never gives someone the right to treat another person like a piece of crap. Period. End of story. "Life getting in the way" is a weak excuse. Not acceptable. It's not only wrong, but holding on to anger like that while your on the job can be dangeroous for patients because your mind is somewhere else.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
yes, i have been a lpn for 4 years and before that acna for 11 yrs. i work in nursing homes and behavioral units with pts. alot older than me and younger too. i have always been very compassionate, but not much confidence in myself. ive been working at a nursing home that is run like a skilled hospital. i have only been there 4 months.] and have learned alot but alot of the nurses love to make you feel stupid or act llike they r bothered for yo to ask them how to do something that you r not familiar with. i always thought nurses would be compassionate and loving not out to demean a new nurse in the facility. i got in a arguent with a nurse who did help me alot but see wirj s days and im on the night shift. she had before worked 2 to 10. since she has wored on days she comes in late., one day she was an hour late and i made a comment about it and two other nurses, one that works with me who has a power problem and the day shift nurse who has an attitude problem heard this and this morning the late nurse sarted mouth ing to me in the hall and i had had enough and she said say something to my face and i did. and we both started mouthling. i said why did you start in front of workers and pts. and she would not go out side to talk to me. now i cant go back to work until i talk to the don. i onlytook up for myself and these nurses are evil and i just dont know how to deal with it. i seriously thought people who were nurses were the people with the big hearts not the big attitudes. help.

the spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors make it difficult to discern your meaning, but what i'm getting is that you're in trouble because you got into an argument with a nurse where you work. it's all her fault, of course, because she's mean, evil, and totally lacks compassion. you only took up for yourself, and these nurses are evil. seriously? you thought nurses had big hearts and not big attitudes?

first, no one can make you feel stupid unless you let them. and second, nurses are people, too. there are nice ones and not so nice ones. grow up, deal with it, and learn to get along with your co-workers. and please consider polishing your writing skills.

Specializes in Emergency, ICU.

The spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors make it difficult to discern your meaning

Thank you Ruby Vee!! I am also often bothered by the terrible grammar and spelling that is seen on these forums. Honestly, if you can't take the time to proof read, then your thoughts are completely disregarded (at least by this reader, as I have no patience for laziness.)

This issue is most bothersome because often the poster is talking about their professionalism and using words such as "'cuz", "ain't", "I asks...", etc. Worst offense: misspelling procedures and medications. Really? You want to defend your practice but you don't even know how to spell it? Ugh, huge pet peeve for me.

Specializes in ICU.

Thank you Ruby Vee!! I am also often bothered by the terrible grammar and spelling that is seen on these forums. Honestly, if you can't take the time to proof read, then your thoughts are completely disregarded (at least by this reader, as I have no patience for laziness.)

This issue is most bothersome because often the poster is talking about their professionalism and using words such as "'cuz", "ain't", "I asks...", etc. Worst offense: misspelling procedures and medications. Really? You want to defend your practice but you don't even know how to spell it? Ugh, huge pet peeve for me.

Yes, yes, yes, and YES! Haha. I'm glad that I'm not the only one!!!

Specializes in Hospice / Ambulatory Clinic.

When your confident and assertive being sweet is easy.People get assertive and aggressive mixed up.

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