Confessions Of A Nurse With Poor Interpersonal Skills Confessions Of A Nurse With Poor Interpersonal Skills - pg.5 | allnurses

Confessions Of A Nurse With Poor Interpersonal Skills - page 6

I've heard that the initial step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one in the first place. Well, my name is TheCommuter and I have a problem with interpersonal skills. Gulp. For... Read More

  1. Visit  PRICHARILLAisMISSED profile page
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    Hi Commuter.

    I've been thinking about this thread. Maybe your interpersonal skills aren't as bad as you think they are. I've read and participates several of your threads and you come across fine over the computer. And a lot of the "Flaws" that you have, I think most of us have them to some degree. I know I do. And people seem to like me in my personal life.
  2. Visit  TheCommuter profile page
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    Quote from PRICHARILLAisMISSED
    Hi Commuter.

    I've been thinking about this thread. Maybe your interpersonal skills aren't as bad as you think they are. I've read and participates several of your threads and you come across fine over the computer. And a lot of the "Flaws" that you have, I think most of us have them to some degree. I know I do. And people seem to like me in my personal life.
    It's true that I might be describing myself harshly.

    However, others have given me an idea of how I come across. My best friend, former classmates, and some acquaintances have said that I often have a flat affect and speak with a monotone tone of voice. Over the years, coworkers have described me as 'quiet.'

    I also have an invisible wall that prevents me from connecting with people on an emotional level. I simply do not want to open my heart and soul and get too close to anyone. Moreover, I struggle with empathy and have difficulty feeling sorry for people, even if they're in pain, desperate, grieving, or in dire straits.
  3. Visit  PRICHARILLAisMISSED profile page
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    Quote from
    I also have an invisible wall that prevents me from connecting with people on an emotional level. I simply do not want to open my heart and soul and get too close to anyone. [B
    Moreover, I struggle with empathy and have difficulty feeling sorry for people, even if they're in pain, desperate, grieving, or in dire straits.[/B]
    Not sure what to do about the first part of this, except to say that this is fairly common. I myself am like this, but it hasn't really been a problem. I find that yes, it does take a while for me to consider someone new as being close to me, and vice versa. But I also find that after I actually do take the time to get to know someone new and decide that I like them (For lack of better term), these relationships tend to really last. Think quality over quantity But as for the bold face, I don't believe that empathy is absolutely necessary. It may help, but it's not the end all be all. What is necessary, I believe is the understanding that these ppl are in pain,desperate, grieving, or in dire straits. As long as the understanding is there, you can respond accordingly.

    Try not to beat yourself up over a perceived lack of empathy.
  4. Visit  Nurse J1112 profile page
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    This is exactly my problem and why I was fired.....It really bothers me and I feel like such a failure. But I just cant seem to make my fake smiles, interest etc appear genuine....I dont know what am I going to do but reading this makes me think my career is already over before it began....I dont now what to do :/
    At least I know I am not alone
  5. Visit  TheCommuter profile page
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    Quote from Real Nurse Jackie
    This is exactly my problem and why I was fired.....It really bothers me and I feel like such a failure. But I just cant seem to make my fake smiles, interest etc appear genuine....I dont know what am I going to do but reading this makes me think my career is already over before it began....I dont now what to do :/
    At least I know I am not alone
    Perhaps some social skills training is in order? If a lack of interpersonal skills is contributing to your employment being terminated, something must be done on your end.

    In ultra-competitive job markets where many nurses are competing for a limited number of job openings, interviewers gravitate toward hiring candidates who can display evidence of likeability and a solid foundation of basic social skills.
    Eat_Pray_Love likes this.
  6. Visit  seagleson profile page
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    Do you really think nursing is about "sociability?" Do you think it is either clinical skill or interpersonal skill?" The likeability factor occurs in all professions, we are not immune.

    And, please stop using the excuse of patient sat scores. Come on, it is not either/or, and it never was.

    Know what you signed on for, and be what you signed on for. You don't get to re write the narrative once you are into the profession. Interpersonal skills are a competency that you signed on for. Stop whining.

    The schools of nursing are missing the boat here. It is hard to fake it. Our work is hard enough without having to force skills that are critically necessary

    We all know nurses who lack these skills and go on in the profession for years. What is seldom talked about is that the rest of us are making up for it. Get it, if you are not doing your job, someone else is.
  7. Visit  TheCommuter profile page
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    Quote from seagleson
    Interpersonal skills are a competency that you signed on for. Stop whining.
    I don't think anyone on this thread has whined, so there's no need to demand that anyone "stop whining."

    Anyhow, thanks for posting this comment since it inadvertently bumped my three-year-old piece that had gone without comments for nearly 14 months. I appreciate it!
    Nurse Leigh likes this.
  8. Visit  NurseMedic28 profile page
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    I do see myself in much of what you wrote. I'm INTP. I've been called analytical and straightforward. I've had difficulty with "office politics" or "playing the game". I despise being fake and forcing an interaction, being phony or pretending to have a certain emotion. It feels dirty. I'm trying to get better in these soft skills, as I realize much of what you said is true, that the people with the best soft skills seem to have the most success. I've also heard the 90% statistic that nearly everyone is fired not for lack of knowledge nor for poor performance, but for an inability to navigate interpersonal relations/office politics. I relate in a straightforward manner. Playing games, being two faced, playing office politics and popularity contests, these things would never cross my mind and I cannot imagine why they are so pivotal in the culture of the workplace. Interestingly, my patients never complain, and I have been told quite a few times that I have a good bedside manner and connect well with pts. I guess perhaps because I know the pts are in a vulnerable state, I understand that they need validation in those moments. My coworkers however, I view as strong, competent, independent professionals who don't need a false ego stroking. It seems that pts are more willing to connect while coworkers seem to have a wall built around themselves. I have this thing, that whatever I do, I want to do it authentically and whole-heartedly. That's why I'm not interested in shallow or false exchanges. If you and I are willing to put in the work to develop a true connection or rapport, then let's do this. Anything else seems like a waste of time to me. I want to do things 100% or not at all. Because I recognize that time, and energy are finite resources. I dunno, I guess I must keep reminding myself, as the adage goes..."The only thing people will remember is how you made them feel."
    TheCommuter likes this.
  9. Visit  TheCommuter profile page
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    Quote from NurseMedic28
    I do see myself in much of what you wrote. I'm INTP. I've been called analytical and straightforward.
    I am also an INTP personality type, and those around me tend to describe me as analytical and 'real.'

    Unfortunately, I've had to tone my realness down a notch or two because many people cannot handle the real deal. When faced with the choice between radical honesty and a toned-down candy-coated version, most people will pick the candy-coating each and every time.

    There's something about the truth that hurts. People claim to want the truth, but cannot handle it when the moment of truth arrives.
    NurseMedic28 likes this.

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